My therapist doesn't believe I have aspergers

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I've felt that I had aspergers on some level ever since I found out about it. I speak very monotone, have no close personal relationships, and cannot seem to form any type of close bond with any woman in spite of the fact that I'm not a bad looking guy. I am not shy, but I just can't "connect" with people to form a close friendship, or romanatic relationship. I have pretty much struggled with this my entire life. People regard me as a great guy, but I have zero close friends and have been single practically my entire life. I am often confused as to why people do the things that they do, and their behavior to me seems illogical. In social situations, I tend to be very, very awkward. And it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with someone.

I can really relate to aspergers and would like to know why my therapist just won't consider it a possibility with me. She says things like "I don't think you have it because you relate very well with me" but I know myself, and I really feel I do have aspergers on some level.

I don't have a problem with eye contact, or SOME of the typical symptoms of aspergers, but I do relate to many, many other symptoms.

Why is my therapist so against willing to believe I may in fact have aspergers on some level? Do you think she's right? I just don't understand.

Get a second opinion, and see how it matches up to your therapist's.

He may know something that you don't.

Always valuable to have some part of the autism scene on your side, appreciating your symptoms, before going for a diagnosis. So that a diagnoser who wants to say no is accountable to explain it in light of the symptoms.

You'll need to find someone who specializes in diagnosing autism in adults and has seen a great number of people on the spectrum (because symptoms can present so differently from one person to the other and will look differently in adults than in children). Most psychotherapist's training did not cover ASDs and they may never have encountered it in their practice either.

My therapist laughed when I asked her if I might possibly be on the spectrum, as if to say "THAT'S A GOOD ONE. Way to make excuses for yourself." She said she didn't see me as having a "flat affect." (Never said I did!) She also said she thought these days lots of people want to jump on the autism bandwagon, who shouldn't. Ha to that! I blurted out that actually a lot of traditional therapists are not trained to recognize ASD and a lot of people my age have gone for years undiagnosed by traditional therapists. To which she said "well good luck finding a 'traditional' therapist" I STILL think she missed it, though I saw her for - cumulatively - 4 years! I might be wrong. I'm pretty sure she thought of me as a mildly neurotic NT suffering from chronic anxiety and depression, and one day she said a lot of my behavior was "avoidant." She did not think I needed any other diagnoses but that, I guess (neurotic and avoidant). She helped me through several specific crises but I won't be seeing her until I get a second opinion.

P.S. If you really want to know if I'm autistic, ask my co-workers whether my behavior seems odd!

My therapist suggested to me that she thinks I might be on the spectrum, as many of my social problems are not really congruent with social anxiety (which is my present official diagnosis..I have not been tested for an ASD yet).

People seem to think I am a bit weird, or quirky.

I like my quirks though, that's the problem. Whilst I don't mind learning new skills if I am able, I don't really desire to be any less quirky than I am. I think my therapist wants to focus on the learning new skills part as she has twigged on to the fact that I like some of my oddities (such as some of my routines for example...tonight is ice cream and movie night. I have my usual ice cream as I always have the same one and I am now looking for a movie to watch whilst I eat it later on. I shall have dinner first though which is a spatchcock poussin...my usual saturday dinner on the paleo diet...I like the same menus on a Saturday if possible) and this is probably going to make it difficult for me to want to change them.

Whether I can get an assessment for an ASD to rule it in and out remains to be seen.

I would only trust an autism specialist, not a regular therapist. They don't really know what to look for, and seem to be no more educated than the general public in terms of only recognizing the most obvious stereotypical traits.

I think your therapist probably sees you display social connection with her--a friendly environment, quiet, one-on-one--and believes that this is the level of social connection that you can display at will, in your everyday life, even in less friendly environments.

She may think of your impairment as not severe enough to warrant a diagnosis. She may be right or wrong, but you should be sure that she understands that she is seeing you essentially at your best, in a place where communication is easiest for you.

Don't worry too hard about dating for now. Just get to know people and don't push it too hard. In my experience, the best prospects for romance for the average autistic (or average subclinical-autistic-traits NT) is among people who are already friends and who know you well. A woman isn't a status symbol, you know. You want somebody you can count on as a friend, a teammate; someone who has your back just like you've got theirs. That's worth waiting for.

Whether you have autism or not, you certainly have social problems if you do not have close friends. Whether that is an environmental problem (you're in an area where you don't fit in--maybe you're a minority group, like a nerd among jocks would be), or whether you are behind in learning how to interact socially, it is still a problem that needs to be solved. You want to connect; you're having trouble doing that. If this is a major problem for you, then you should be getting your therapist to teach you how to communicate better. If she won't do that, if she insists you can communicate perfectly well even when you explain you don't have friends and you don't understand other people, then it's time to find another therapist.

The autism label isn't nearly as important as finding the help you need. If your problems are primarily social, you may find better help under the label "Social communication disorder"--an autism-like condition that's newly defined and essentially just means that you have a specific learning disability in social skills rather than the more global speech/language/cognitive problems associated with autism proper. Your therapist may be less reluctant to put that in your file, and if social problems are your main issue, then that may be all you need.

"Social Communication Disorder" is what it sounds like. Social Communication problems that impairs your functioning without other explanations. It is not considered part of the Autism Spectrum because there is no sensory issues, obsessive repetitive "special interests" , Executive Functioning issues like problems planning, and multitasking and others.

Unfortunately this a period where there is widespread suspicion of over diagnoses of Autism especially higher functioning versions, (and "mental conditions" in general ) ,people faking it for disabilities, or using it as an excuse or to be a cool geek. This is causing a lot of roadblocks for people who really need help and some people are looking for reasons to say people do not have real impairments. But if you need you need help and you got to keep fighting for it. A second opinion is a good thing, so are specialists but they can be high priced and not located near where you live.

My therapist was reluctant to say that I might have Aspergers because 1) he didn't know much about it, and 2) his opinion is that a person can limit themselves by labeling their problems. Now we're on the same team, though.

Also, my psychiatrist doesn't think I have Aspergers at all. She isn't a specialist, so she doesn't really know what she's talking about, IMO. Also, I am an adult female, so it is very difficult to diagnose any ASD because I have learned to cope with my shortcomings.

I have social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and ADHD. So I get where you're coming from. I literally just posted something similar to your post two weeks ago.

I've had a therapist doubt my diagnosis because if I was truly autistic I'd be "rocking and lining things up on the floor". That was about a decade ago. I think knowledge about autism is expanding greatly, but there are still many misconceptions in the medical community.

It's difficult to know what it's like to be in our heads if you are a NT (read: Psychiatrist or Psychologist). But it's still highly frustrating when you don't present in the same way as the "traditional" Aspie/Autie. ("Traditional" just pisses me off, btw... we're all different! That's why it's a spectrum!!)