my life is turning to s**t .....

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self diag aspi. 56 yesterday .... talented i suppose but wary of too much human contact ...

and this is what is consuming me with rage in the middle of the night ....

its 01:20 and i cannot sleep. as often happens i am here downstairs maybe trying to lie on the couch in the dark as upstairs the snoring is fffin ridiculous.

what a fff evening ... picked it up (wife) at 8pm from work and this year is as worse if not worse than my 50th ... i never knew it cld get so bad. theres two pressies for me to open from her, the first was fckn absurd, yet more absurd trash just like Xmas (not cheap either, could have been used to buy food or clothes) ... and the second ditto .... if she fished around in a bin where all the items are 10p she cldn't do worse ......i always was happy with £7 or £20 for horse feed (charity work) ... what the fff happened to that. completely and utterly inappropriate, embarrasssing .... I couldn't speak, i asked to never agn buy trash, things i have utterly no use for ....

she insisted on Chinese takeaway which i did not want, now i feel queasy.

in the dark half an hour ago in a rage i destroyed and binned the separate parts of a package marked 'chocolat' delvered by parcels courier service today to her, from her gay friend Mr Busy-ass .... chocolates apparently, the little s**t usually turns up with 'cake' ....at her weight (lifetime grossly overweight) its the last effin thing she needs, huge fckn cakes ! !! !! and i've told her the next time the little cnt tries that i will bin it in front of him then start to beat s**t out of him.

life is too short for this crap, i have work activity (self employed) thats needing to be done daytime, all are looking behind schedule and some small ones look set to not get done, theres no time for not working full days and tomorrow i will be v tired.

i have never known a woman so inept at life, or more correctly so inept at relating to her husband. she buys absurd and totally inappropriate brainless things to embarrass me, I don't need the s**t from shops. some Xmas's its lain unopened for months to give her the hint; a hint of my hatred to her perhaps... when a lover/ spouse / husband has these feelings about 'gifts' its time the relationship was finished. but it never will, we 'clicked' when I was just kicked out of digs 35 yrs ago and the fantasy 'pregnancy' meant we got married, neither of us has blood relatives alive, little or nothing social to any degree.

a side order of shite ....three months ago my therapist cajoled me to buy a plastic exercise tube with ribs moulded on it, i am supposed to lie on it and roll along on it and therefore squash and release all the muscle and connective tissue in my legs, i tried it briefly at his place but next time i go i'll hand it to him... cost me £16-20 just so i cld say 'i bought one' as he had asked several times if i had bought it yet .... another fckn ret*d obsessed with junk.You see, when we die it will be a stranger to enter this house and cherry pick what he wants as there is no other single human we have contact with that cld do this.. aha .. perhaps thats why the little shite gay wants to infiltrate somehow into this house?? ... thje exercise tube .... i'll get a fckn heart attack trying to use it, bending and getting down are v difficult for me, pain and stiffness. i actually believe the therapist is a fantasist and 'fake' more like mumbo jumbo than anything real ... however he is good at healing sprains and injuries .. otherwise a lot of visits are of dubious value, yet i am desperate for help ... another fff w*ker ... I can see through him and realise a lot of his 'spiel' is merely to impress .. very much the foreign kid acting the part, which is what he is.

oh dear .... mr grumpy tonight/ this morning.

and i have to somehow get down from this rage when i know fine well there'll be more tomorrow morning ....

when my niece returned after a 14 year absence i told her that each of us wished the other were dead, fr years last decade this thing called my wife wld say "Fck off and die" dozens of times i've heard it and when i confront her and tell her i don't like that ... "What - i didn't say that" etc etc I cld go 'on' fr hours ....

my garden was my passion, its a v good one, a v clever arrangement of flowering things, she never enters, will never look at it, maybe once a yr for five seconds literally to peep at the edge of it whilst i am inviting her and she goes back in, registering nothing, a blank ..... somehow i think we don't deserve each other.

sounds much like you'd be better off alone. you don't appreciate her efforts and she is downright abusive.

Sounds like you've both been unhappy with the situation for years. Next year you'll be 57 and if nothing has changed you'll still be unhappy. You should split up, life's too short.

interesting how some ppl can read utterly the opposite to the intention of the penned words ... esl ?

The OP is clearly very frustrated and angry, I don't think it's fair to judge him on his ranting. We all have said things we don't mean when we are upset. Yes, the references to other people do objectify them but he is lashing out at everyone, he is in turmoil.

There are aspects of his post that show he cares for his wife.

Dear Ablomov I hope things don't seem so bad for you today. If they do, then it would appear to me that it is probably time for you to make a significant positive change in your life.

I say best wishes to you and be kind to others.

No, I'm not going to argue about it. I've said my piece.