Why do some Aspies struggle more than others?

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I know this might seem like such an obvious question, but I hear of other Aspies or possible Aspies that say they do this or that with friends, or people that I know that seem very Aspie or actually are diagnosed with Asperger's seem to be better at joining in group conversations and forming social connections with other people much better than I do, even though I only have mild Asperger's too. I can count all the friends I have on one hand, and I get so shy and nervous when around other people it's unbelievable. But at the same time I am working on my social skills all the time, I observe NT behaviour all the time, and I have empathy and self-awareness.

Does it depend on what co-morbids you have? I have anxiety, depression and social phobia. Maybe if I didn't have all three of those I might be more socially functioning. Or could it be that the Aspies that I know of who force themselves to go out clubbing have the more ''get up and go'' motivation in them, where as I tend to feel snug in my comfort zone (then get depressed because I do crave social company). Perhaps not all Aspies are caught in a vicious circle of emotions like I am.

Perhaps Asperger's itself isn't all that bad. Perhaps it's what symptoms affects you the most and how you are as an individual that can make Asperger's seem more psychologically painful in some Aspies than it does in others, although Asperger's obviously affects every Aspie in some way. What are your thoughts?

Co-morbids are a big factor, but I think the main thing is just natural variation.

I think personality may also have something to do with it. Some are shy, some don't get anxious around people, some just don't care what others think of them, some do care what others think of them so they may be anxious to speak or be with people. Some are introverted or extroverted. Some may be laid back and some may be more aggressive in their personality.

Yeah it could depend on a lot of factors. Comorbid issues, environment, family life, what school they went to, etc.

I am one of those aspies that is social, always has plenty of "friends", dates/girlfriends, etc.

I prefer to stay home and hang out with friends at either my or their house or something more low key, although I have been pulled to crowded noisy places by my friends.
And then there's plenty of times I just ignore their phone calls because I want to be by myself for a couple of days.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia, insomia and ADD. My anxiety disorder was much worse when I was in High school but I did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a year when I was 16-17 and it helped a lot. The symptoms are no longer debilitating like they used to be.
My dysthymia gets a lot worse the longer I stay completely isolated. So as long as I'm around friends and/or family some of the time I'm usually okay. Eating better and working out helped a lot with this too.
I take stattera when I have classes or need to study for my ADD. If I'm on break I don't take meds for it.

I'll take trazadone and/or Zquil to reset my sleep schedule, once my schedule is reset I don't have as much trouble falling asleep, so it's nice to just take the med once or twice to get it back in gear and then sleep naturally on my own. I don't like taking sleep meds every night.

I forced myself out of my comfort zone a lot during my last two years of High school and I'm glad I did because it paid off now that I'm older and more in the adult/real world.
I can make friends wherever I go, meet potential dates or what not in whatever scenario or situation, and can do pretty much anything socially that I need or want to do.
What I can't do is do it all the time. Say I'm looking for friends, I'll join a club or organization at the school, the club meets 2-3 days a week, so out of those 2-3 days a week I can be super social, friendly, branch out and meet people. But after a day of that I'll need to stay to myself to recharge.

In my opinion part of the reason at least part of the reason may be the individual person's environment and personal life experiences.

I suppose this proves that there is hope for the socially awkward too then. Maybe things might change for me one day. It seems that every socially awkward person that I know is in a relationship, and it does make me feel down. One of my friends, who is the same age as me is diagnosed with Asperger's has a boyfriend now. Another friend who I used to hang about with when we were teenagers but I'm not in touch so much any more is two years younger than me and is actually settled with a boyfriend who loves her and takes her out a lot and is a good provider, and she has Soto's Syndrome and has always struggled socially too and even went to a special school. Then my 21-year-old cousin, who showed a lot of typical Aspie traits as a child, now has a girlfriend, can drive, has a lot of descent mates and seems happy and confident. And my other friend who is the same age as me and has moderate Mental Retardation (which has always affected him socially) now has a girlfriend who he seems happy with and she puts on Facebook how much she loves him and they go out and about together. Then someone who I work with, who (not to be mean) is not very attractive and has learning difficulties is also head-over-hills in love with a boyfriend and he buys her gifts and everything. And then somebody who is a nasty and strange person is with a really descent man who treats her well and wants to marry her - even though she always says she doesn't even want a man. I could go on and on and on.

Those are all perfect examples of socially awkward people. I'm not saying that socially awkward people shouldn't be able to find love. I'm just wondering how and where do these people meet a partner and yet I can't, although I try my hardest. It's like they all seem to be in the right places at the right time and meet the right person for them, and wherever I go all the men are either married or already with someone, or I'm not their type or they're not my type. I've tried dating sites too and that didn't work out for me. I just don't know why everyone else, even socially awkward people, seem to be so lucky and yet I'm not. I might as well kill myself right now.

They call it a "spectrum" for a reason. Some people on the ASD spectrum simply have more severe symptoms than others, and many have various co-morbid disorders. No two NTs are alike, and no two aspies are alike. We all come from different upbringings, different cultures, and different sets of genetics.

Because some Aspies can be really mean to other Aspies.

I think it's because AS is a syndrome. We all may have some of the same characteristics but it may effect us different and we all have different personalities too. Some Aspies I have met for example hate going to places like bars and loud music venues. That's something I enjoy.

Why do some struggle more than others?

For any and all of the reasons mentioned so far and perhaps even more: some have more co-morbids than others,
,some have more disabling co-morbids than others, some have better environments/situations/opportunities than others, different personalities including some being more resilient and some being more conscientious and hard-working, some have more severe cases of the disorder, some may have been misdiagnosed or might be borderline cases ,some just have particular symptoms which are more severe and disabling etc. etc. ect.

Anyway, you're not struggling alone, OP. I'm right down there in the social muck struggling with you.

I imagine it has to do with varying co-morbids they may have as well as the severity of those...also autism is a spectrum so people with aspergers will vary in severity and how they are effected.

Besides an increased risk of other conditions, do those mean you have more severe autism, or more needs?

Born premature and extremely low birth weight, growing stunted.