Uncontrollable Aggression - Close to Jail

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I hate to say uncontrollable because there is always some way to either prevent or calm down a bad situation but I haven't quite found a good way at doing it yet. I've had bad "aggression" from the time I could talk, going gorillas over pretty small things. I have not began to tame my aggression near as well as it needs to be. The more the years are going on the more out of control I can be at times. I went from a child throwing toys and hitting pillows to a full grown adult throwing and breaking phones, windows, doors, my bones, other people, you name it. I've had the police called for the safety of others or going berserk in public more times than I care to remember. There are rare days that go by where I don't damage something important or blow a fuse on someone important to me. There are holes and even blood stains on the things I own. I've punched holes through thick wood, double panel glass, and broken my wrist just to continue smashing away for months while it's trying to heal. Pain is rarely if ever an issue. When I'm at the blown fuse point I have no concept of pain and anything or anybody standing in the way is in trouble. I literally lift weights for a living (not roid rage, never touched them!). I've wondered more than once why the police have been called on me. They actually guarded a building for hours after I left and I have little to NO memory of what I might have said during my rage. This is coming from somebody who can remember specific details of events from years and years ago. I've been lucky and let off by the police after they came to break up a fight. I actually had a police officer turn directions when he realized I wasn't calming down when he started to come my way. I'm not a small person.. right now i'm shooting for the 400 pound mark on one of my lifts. I can imagine why someone would feel the need for police safety. I have to remind myself that I can't get away with acting the way I did as a child. This can be scary. I scare myself a lot when I look back at what just happened and what I did. I'm scared one day my "luck" is going to run out and I'm going to take a vacation behind jail bars. All this aside I have people who tell me constantly that they've never met someone as nice and caring, surprisingly I've always been told that. I actually question the people that say this now. I have my good days, but there are certain days, and a lot of them, that I act out over the top and spend the rest of the day down in the dumps over what I did. I'm doing more and more great things with my life and heading in the right direction in a lot of ways while my anxiety and aggression is not improving. There are days where I'm proud of how far I've came and other days that I can't look myself in the mirror and just think... this is very bad, please don't do something stupid, please. I'm not sure what i'm looking to get out of writing this, I usually don't, just a way to vent sometimes. I really lost it again today and told myself something has got to change, that was not good.

Is there anybody else who deals with irritability and aggression to this level? I've lost good friends and been threatened with restraining orders by people who I want nothing to do with. I'm not sure if this is part of Aspergers or if it's something else. I was diagnosed as "on the spectrum" but i'm trying to set up another diagnostic appointment and i'm going to bring this up. I have a brother with diagnosed autism and this doesn't seem to be an issue for him that I know of. There are days where I'm blown away myself about how I reacted. Something needs to happen.

What you need to do for your own good is to work out a way of keeping a lid on your anger, it may help if you find a better outlet for your aggresive urges. Sadly I can not tell you what will work best for you.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Speaking from experience, this can be difficult...

I wish that I had something helpful to say... Having been aggro to the point of actually having a psychotic break, I know what you're going through. I recommend speaking to a therapist.

Do more cardio to get all that aggression out and tire yourself out.

yes OP,am very much the same though to a much worser level on a day to day basis.
am labeled with having severe challenging behavior which is a descriptor common with those of us who have severe or profound classic autism.

a common issue across the whole spectrum however is emotional regulation difficulties and it might be worth looking for DBT therapy-even better if can find it adapted for the needs of people with ASD- DBT was originaly invented for people with borderline personality disorder as the core bPD is emotional regulation difficulties,however it can apply to anyone who struggles with the regulation difficulties regardless of label.

heres two things worth a look-
an experience of DBT from an autistic person-
http://autisticspeaks.blogspot.co.uk/20 ... d-asd.html
[possibly another blog of the autistic advocate;lydia brown?].

DIY DBT lessons-
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_lessons.html


am not a doctor obviously,but there is a condition called IED-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intermitte ... e_disorder
that might be worth getting assessed for, before getting into any more trouble.

sister had asked a autism specialist she was getting training off [for her job] down in london and she mentioned entire history and current circumstances of mine to him,he said its explosive autism; AKA autism with IED, but having severe challenging behavior its a pointless term and doesnt take actual circumstances and level of autism plus ID into consideration.

when experiencing extremely severe challenging behavior in need of police intervention,am not able to be took into custody/arrested by the police due to being under the mental capacity act but have to be brought to what they call 'a place of safety' usualy the walled off room in accident and emergency department ,and am sectionable in intelectual disability hospitals just as a result of challenging behavior;spent four months on a section three in one until near the end of january this year.

Thanks for the answers and thanks Kingdom for taking the time to write that and put thought into it. The IED description sounds pretty convincing. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget to bring it up with the doctor. Glad your back out again now. It's not quite the same but about two years ago I checked myself into the emergency room because I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know if you should go for that type of issue but I went anyway and told them that I felt out of control and like I might do something stupid. That's another one of those days that I have a hard time remembering but I think that they just gave me an anxiety medicine and sent me on my way. Anyway thanks again for writing back, sometimes I forget to remind myself that whatever the problem is there's always someone else out there who probably has it worse.

People with aggressive personality-types often treat others unfairly on regular basis, but then they flip-out and go into a rage when someone treats them unfairly just one time. (i.e. they can dish it out but can't take it)

Aggressive personality is thinking you have all the "rights", and nobody else has any for the most part. Very common with sociopaths btw.

Thanks for being so honest about your situation.

I can suggest some tips for you that worked for me.

First of all, I had to accept that I had to do something to manage irritability - and not once, but dozens of times a day, every day, for the rest of my life. There was no 'cure'. That was step one: accept there are no magic bullets.

So - what would I do? I drank. I isolated myself. I did all those dumb things. In the end, I tried three things that worked.

First: meditation. Your anger is in your mind. Unless you get properly acquainted with your mind, you've got no chance. You can't fix your car without going up to your car, looking at it, and doing stuff to it. So you have to get with your mind. Yes, I found the groups to be full of drippy idiots. Yes, I got irritated at the religious side of things. But it works, and there's a lot of proper evidence that it works too. I tried general mindfulness classes - fine as far as it went, but once you've 'got' it, that's the end of the journey - and mindfulness courses tend to be time-limited. So I went to some different Buddhist organisations. The Zen people were great at not being all 'religious', but it was quite empty and you were left to your own devices a lot, and it was hard to relate to everyday practical situations. The 'western' Buddhist traditions were ok, but I found the people too irritating. They too didn't have clear directions for everyday situations. But the Tibetan Buddhist traditions (like the Kadampa) were excellent at taking you on a journey, devising a plan, keeping it regular, and not being full of idiots. But they are quite 'religious-y' - they have special ceremonies, prayers etc - but you don't have to do them, and I don't do them.. Ultimately, I concluded: 'I need this if I'm going to have a life. I can let them do all their bowls of water and lillies-having-symbolic-values stuff, because they enable me to sort my head out a tiny bit each week for the payment of a few pounds.' So week-in, week-out, twice a week, this is what I do. It doesn't fix everything, but it starts to fix a whole lot. It gets me into the garage where the car is located, gives me some tools, and tells me how to go about fixing stuff. When I got the right group, it took about 6-8 weeks before I started noticing a difference, and about 6 months before people started saying, 'Hey - you'd normally have lost your rag there. What are you on!?'

Second: exercise. It cures a whole lot of psychological, neurological and psychiatric 'issues'. It's a pain to do a lot of the time, but what's the alternative? That's a pain to be. I'll take pain to do over pain to be every time.

Third: Buspirone. Found a great supplier, got on it, and it takes the edge off what's left after 1 and 2.

Good luck.

I recall having those episodes through the age of 16. By then, the impulse to explode was countered by the understanding that I would end up seriously injured or in jail if I lose control. I still have fits of rage, but I manage to control it effectively. I get away from people, stare at a wall, and list off number patterns until I have calmed down. Sometimes I end up crying. It's really quite embarrassing. Often, no one will realize I am losing it until they notice the crying. I just say I have something in my eye.

I can kind of relate to you. I'm also usually called a kind and caring person, but i can have rage attacks where i just destroy things or hurt myself hitting stuff. However i've never hurt anyone and i don't do this in public so i've never had any law problems. My problem is linked to another illness though which matches other symptoms so you probably don't have the same issue i do, just the same symptom.

What i'd suggest is maybe you visit an endocrinologist or a psychiatrist. Sometimes aggressiveness is linked to low serotonin levels and high androgen levels. If this is your case some medication would be enough to make your symptoms less troublesome. You could also try cognitive behavioral therapy which could help you in controlling the rage attacks.

When the aggressiveness gets as dangerous as your case, you should try more drastic approaches like the ones mentioned above, rather than just meditating on your own. This is for your and others' safety.