17 Mar 2014, 2:02 am
17 Mar 2014, 2:11 am
17 Mar 2014, 4:53 am
17 Mar 2014, 5:34 am
17 Mar 2014, 5:40 am
17 Mar 2014, 8:49 am
17 Mar 2014, 9:47 am
17 Mar 2014, 10:38 am
I have seen many more people describe themselves as asexual on those forums than anywhere else. Well, maybe it is also because people here are more honest and don't fear being rejected for expressing that. But it still seems to me that asexuality is much more common among autistic people than in others.
I am not asexual and I am happy that way, but that makes me curious I'd like to understand how you can be. Sexual attraction for other people is a weird thing and I understand you can not experience it. I mean, there is no "reason" for sexual attraction and it seems completely random ; some people are attracted to women, to men, to both, to tall people, to short people, to fit people, to curvy people, to various hair colors or features, to everyone, to almost nobody, etc. There are plenty of people I am not attracted to and I can understand the idea of that feeling just extending to everyone.
But on the other hand, sexual activity is highly pleasant, and it seems normal to me that you seek what is pleasant to you. So even if you are not attracted to anyone, what I don't really understand is how you can not desire some sort of sexual activity (even solitary, fantasised or otherwise). Do you desire or engage in such activity but simply find other human beings not attractive ? Or do you not experience sexual pleasure (I imagine some sensory issues can lead to that) ? Or is it just that you focus on other things that you find more pleasant and sex just is too bothersome and complicated for the satisfaction it can bring ? Or something else ?
Again I am just genuinely curious, not making a judgement about anything or anyone 
17 Mar 2014, 11:31 am
I am not asexual and I am happy that way, but that makes me curious I'd like to understand how you can be. Sexual attraction for other people is a weird thing and I understand you can not experience it. I mean, there is no "reason" for sexual attraction and it seems completely random ; some people are attracted to women, to men, to both, to tall people, to short people, to fit people, to curvy people, to various hair colors or features, to everyone, to almost nobody, etc. There are plenty of people I am not attracted to and I can understand the idea of that feeling just extending to everyone.
But on the other hand, sexual activity is highly pleasant, and it seems normal to me that you seek what is pleasant to you. So even if you are not attracted to anyone, what I don't really understand is how you can not desire some sort of sexual activity (even solitary, fantasised or otherwise). Do you desire or engage in such activity but simply find other human beings not attractive ? Or do you not experience sexual pleasure (I imagine some sensory issues can lead to that) ? Or is it just that you focus on other things that you find more pleasant and sex just is too bothersome and complicated for the satisfaction it can bring ? Or something else ?
Again I am just genuinely curious, not making a judgement about anything or anyone
asexuals come in many many ways, so basically every case you cited happens.
For me specifically, I don't feel sexually atracted by other people and I think it is like you said, for instance, if you are not gay what you feel for a fat and ugly man is what I feel for everyone. You don't think of them sexually and may not even notice them. Even if it is a very hot person. For instance, my friends say: "wow, did you see this hot guy??" and I am like: "hmm... no", even sometimes I am clueless people woud find them attractive and it is more like "hmm.. which one is the hot one?". Usually I search for muscles and confidence for spotting the hot ones, but sometimes it is not that obvious. There were this teacher that had gray hair and another one that was tall and thin and later I discovered all girls were crazy about them. I was clueless before they told me they were hot. Some hot people are very far from the patterns I have noticed so there is something about attraction that I really don't understand, like magnetism or charm I don't know. Like you said seems kind of random sometimes, I wouldn't guess most girls find this thin teacher attractive but okay.
Some people we see as aesthetically beautiful, even if we don't feel the sexual thing, like for instance what you may feel when you look at a very beautiful little boy.
About the pleasure, I do masturbate because it feels physically good wether you feel sexual attraction or not. It doesn't make me any more or less assexual. Some people though may not do it because of sensory issues, trauma etc
Hope it helps
Last edited by linatet on 17 Mar 2014, 11:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
17 Mar 2014, 11:36 am
TheMighty_Moo
Deinonychus
Joined: 18 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 318
Location: Chillin' in Turkey
17 Mar 2014, 11:57 am
Congratulations! 
I'm an asexual myself and it's been a year since I came out. I'm also a member of AVEN [Asexual Visibility and Education Network] and it's a forum filled with amazing people and info about asexuality. People there will help you out and support you on this awesome journey. You can PM me, too, if you want to know a bit more about it. 
17 Mar 2014, 12:04 pm
But on the other hand, sexual activity is highly pleasant, and it seems normal to me that you seek what is pleasant to you. So even if you are not attracted to anyone, what I don't really understand is how you can not desire some sort of sexual activity (even solitary, fantasised or otherwise). Do you desire or engage in such activity but simply find other human beings not attractive ? Or do you not experience sexual pleasure (I imagine some sensory issues can lead to that) ? Or is it just that you focus on other things that you find more pleasant and sex just is too bothersome and complicated for the satisfaction it can bring ? Or something else ?
Again I am just genuinely curious, not making a judgement about anything or anyone
I'm asexual and aromantic.
I hate being touched, I don't "bond" with people other than a few close friends and family, and physical and emotional intimacy grosses me out.
17 Mar 2014, 12:04 pm
17 Mar 2014, 12:31 pm
17 Mar 2014, 1:46 pm
Thanks linatet and XFilesGeek for the explanations
I think it is because sexual orientation and gender identity are ig important issues in the NT social games, and many of them will somehow intuitively follow the social expectation about them more than their own personal preferences. Autistic people are usually more honest (both to themselves and to others) with their feelings.
Maybe it is (at least partly) the same for asexuals. Certainly not having interest into sexuality is very badly seen in neurotypical society, and I think probably some NT asexuals engage in sexual behaviour against their personal feelings just to look "normal". It sounds crazy, but it's like, some married people are actually gay/lesbian and in the closet.
I would personally be considered bisexual, although I am much more often attracted to women. But mostly I don't really see the point in putting a label on it. I am attracted to the people I find attractive, I know when I am attracted to someone, and it seems to be the only relevant thing.
17 Mar 2014, 2:23 pm
I'm an asexual myself and it's been a year since I came out. I'm also a member of AVEN [Asexual Visibility and Education Network] and it's a forum filled with amazing people and info about asexuality. People there will help you out and support you on this awesome journey. You can PM me, too, if you want to know a bit more about it.
ii know, im on aven!
