aggresive behavior any ideas????????????

Post Reply New Topic

I have a five year old son who has violent and very long tantrums.... his communication has improved greatly which has improved the tantrums somewhat but it is still a work in progress. most tantrums i can deal with and redirect or show him how to express anger and eventually he gets it. However, I also have a 6 month old who he loves dearly but when he gets angry he "forgets" how fragile the baby is and hits or attempts to...... this is worrying me. He has always hit and I have tried every form of correction I know of but nothing is working does anyone have this issue and how do they deal with it.... I know he doesnt really understand the concept of cause and effect and I cannot get through to him on any 0f this so far no one has been successful in getting this under control......
The school is telling me oh they never have a problem with him and he has never shown any aggression there(it is a special education class with only 9 kids and 3 teachers if that seems to make a difference).... but they seem to think I just cant seem to get a handle on it and its just me. He has been thrown out of six daycares and does the aggresive thing with EVERYONE when he is at his dad's, my parents, anywhere he goes..... I may have already asked this and im sorry if I did. Today is just one of those bad days from the minute he got in the car.....

You can get this at Amazon.com (or the library). It might help.


"Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments - practical solutions for tantrums, rages and meltdowns"

by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick

My son is the same way! He can be so sweet then 5 minutes later he's a monster. I have a 16 month old daughter and I really have to watch him around her.

We have to watch him around animls. We have a pet rabbit (used to have 2) and when he'd get angry he'd try to strangle them. He has kicked my Aunt's Yorkie dog too.

wow that sounds just like him(his name is Tristan)... i will have to look up that book also i have read several that say to ignore totally but this doesnt seem to work most behavior i can just not the dangerous ones i think tho its just one of those things that u have to live with just put the baby out of harms way..... yeah we have no pets not a good idea for us

Tristan was suspended from kindergarten for acting like that. He is 12 now and controls it better. He still has his days though.

My daughter is similar too. She absolutely LOVES our cat so much but she can be so aggressive towards her. The cat is obviously the right one for her though, she's never retaliated or anything. DD can go from smiling and calm to full on aggression in a moment and can calm down just as quickly.
She's only just been diagnosed in the last few months, at least I now know there's a reason why she's like this.

Hi, i had and still have a tiny bit of that still but now in a different way as my son now 10, i used to be in similiar situation with what you wrote. Personally, i removed from the room (baby, animal anything that was living) and just calmly spoke to my rampaging child (its very hard to do but it works) personally i found distraction worked best as your first move, so that it calms the child so that the child can interact with you, after you done that, you sit and calmly say what should of happened "i.e he says the baby was crying i was trying to shut it up" You say yes babies can be very loud but you should come into the other room with me" and mummy will deal with that. Or some other simple explaination but always put why you asking that, and keep to it as if its a routine. i.e stroking an animal from head to toe, because if you do it hard, or from tail to head it upsets them & makes them angry, and show him how to do it. Your hand over his etc. My only point to all aggression from a child is keep calm and lower your voice, and if possible remove all living objects or the other way around, aslong as you explain and keep doing that, it will improve. Hope that helps

thank you for that . That is basically what I have tried to do. The defiant violence is what is so hard for my husband(step father) to deal with. I am just wondering after reading about teenage violent tendencies what I'm gonna do. My son is a big boy now I can only imagine..... At any rate, I basically try to just not acknowledge or keep emotions in check when I talk to him and once calm, we go over what should have happened and why which is what I think you are saying..... so I think I must be doing all I can at this point and it will get better??? i hope.... The other battle is when he is at his daddy's he is not handled the same way soooooooooooo but eventually I think he will learn where to act one way and where to act the other way .....

If it doesn't get better you may want to have him checked for bipolar. My son is p.d.d. and bipolar. In bipolar children their rages can last a very long time. He is very aggressive too. Right now he is pretty good at school, but terrible at home. once in awhile he'll show this side of him at school. Actually that's why he got put in his ebd classroom with only 7 kids. Just something to think about.

My 4 1/2 year old aspie son has issues with aggression as well...often the result of an inability to express his emotions. I've found the book "The Explosive Child" to provide a really good technique that is helping me to teach him how to solve problems more effectively. Since his chronic inflexibility is the result of his disorder, and an inability to think through his frustration, the techniques in this book are helping him to learn how to consider others' concerns, and to express his concerns verbally rather than melting down or shutting down. If you're interested in this approach, check out http://www.ccps.info/books/index.html

yes bi polar scares me even more than what his diagnosis is but the doctors seem to agree that it is autism not bipolar.... at least at this point.... he usually snaps when he is in defiance mode though there are times when he cannot explain to me what the problem is or why he doesnt want to do what he is asked to do..... the book looks very interesting I will have to check it out...thank you

maybe this should be another topic but does anyone know if meds should totally remove the aggression or just help it.... he is on 2 mg per day of rispedol.....

My experience with Risperdal was that it reduced the aggression not totally removed it.

My son started when he was 12yo at .25mg and went up to .75mg. He's 14 now and still taking .25mg but we had to reduce it due to side effects after a year.

I'm not sure it's working anymore. Thinking of d/c altogether. For my son, no med seems to maintain effectiveness for long and side effects appear over time. Just my experience though.

ok the side effects are kind of scary to me and not really worth the good it does.... mine is the same way it is effective only for a short while.... I am kind of scared to take him off and scared to keep him on... he has been on it now for six months....we are looking at putting him on a stimulant also because he is so hyper and cannot stay focused but I really dont want him on both...... I have tried to d/c rispedal but dr advises against it b/c he was so severe when we first started seeing him....Do the side effects go away after d/c???????

Rae-Rae,

We haven't d/c risperdal yet but the side effects did go away when we lowered the dosage. Meds are a double-edged sword, I agree. For my son, stimulants made him worse. It seems development and improved problem-solving/coping skills are the only effective solution. I share your frustration.

he needs strong bounderys and a good routine
lots of patience on your part lol
Also you need to explin to him that his behaviour is not acceptable do this when he calms down talk with him constantly
monitor when he is likely to loose his temper
change things that need changing so you have a child who is happy and the outbursts are a lot less
hard work but you can get there
call a meeting with any proffessionals you can get hold of if that helps