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MegaSonic
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23 Mar 2014, 3:28 pm

Does anyone else avoid calling people by their name? Sometimes I just start talking hoping the person knows I'm talking to them, or sometimes I won't say anything at all because I'm not sure how to address them. I may be a little hesitant of what to call people when they're addressed in multiple ways, like Michael/Mike for instance. And although I've been an adult for some years now I feel uncomfortable talking to other adults using their first name instead of Mr/Mrs. I suppose the only thing I can do is to just use names and hope it eventually feels more comfortable.



LookingLost
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23 Mar 2014, 5:48 pm

I suppose I tend to do this, too.


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nebrets
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23 Mar 2014, 5:50 pm

I have do not use names frequently because I cannot remember them. I use "Ma'am" and "Sir" frequently as a neutral reply.


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yournamehere
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23 Mar 2014, 6:05 pm

Excuse me, hey guy, dude, mister, and hello works good. This one is always an attention getter... HELP!! !! !



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23 Mar 2014, 6:36 pm

Names make me uncomfortable, too, yes. There seems to be so much involved in who uses first or last names with titles with who where and when, and it gets really confusing!!

Fortunately, one can usually avoid names when it is really uncomfortable to people. One does have to use names to refer to people who aren't there, but I don't find that as uncomfortable. Still is sometimes, though, when they get weird about using last names when I'm used to first or first if I'm used to last. I find first names easier, though. Would be much happier if everyone only used first names all the time.



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23 Mar 2014, 7:00 pm

Its hard for me to remember names and often I don't even like to refer to someone by name in social contexts. I often don't initiate conversation due to this and other things.


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Vacant_Entity
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23 Mar 2014, 8:23 pm

I just face them and start talking, doesn't always work but I'm known for talking to myself so no one really cares


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23 Mar 2014, 8:31 pm

No, I have never had problems using names, and I do in writing too (in letters, e-mail etc) which apparently is unusual.


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Saul3903
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24 Mar 2014, 12:58 am

An old high school teacher of mine used to address EVERYONE with a title and their last name. Every student was Mr. Hall or Ms. Williams or whatever their last name was.

I adopted my teacher's habit. I often call my co-workers and classmates Mr. Jones or Mrs. Wallace. I've learned to use it in a way that people find it endearing, if a little eccentric. I also use nicknames whenever possible.

The weird thing is, I never quite realized that, yeah, I feel just a little bit weird when I call someone by their first name. It felt that way every time, but somehow I never identified it until I read this thread.


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24 Mar 2014, 1:19 am

Heh, I used to be bad for addressing various members of my family by name rather than calling them "mom" "dad" "uncle" or whatever. I still refer to my favorite uncle by his first name, as we're pretty close friends and it's just become a habit.



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24 Mar 2014, 2:18 am

^ I've always done that too; with my grandparents being the only exception.


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SolinaJoki
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24 Mar 2014, 8:28 am

I cannot call my in-laws by any names at all. They are not Mom and Dad. They are not Stan and Jean. I cannot make anything come out of my mouth, but I don't know why. I always refer to my sister as "my sister Pat" even when talking to my daughter or husband, who know very well who Pat is.

When my kids no longer wanted to call me "mommy" because they were "too old" for that, they sort of slipped into not being able to call me anything. They did not make the switch to "mom" or some such (they are both HFA also). Today they would probably call me by my first name if they had to address me as something.

I also have trouble remembering, well - anything actually, but that includes names. The cashier at the grocery store who I see every week. Wouldn't you think I could remember his/her name? Not a chance.

So, yes, I identify with the name trouble as well.



MegaSonic
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24 Mar 2014, 9:49 am

SolinaJoki wrote:
When my kids no longer wanted to call me "mommy" because they were "too old" for that, they sort of slipped into not being able to call me anything. They did not make the switch to "mom" or some such (they are both HFA also).


I forgot, I did this to my parents as well. They had to pretty much force me to stop saying mommy/daddy. I still won't call them anything unless I absolutely need to get their attention.



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24 Mar 2014, 10:07 am

yournamehere wrote:
Excuse me, hey guy, dude, mister, and hello works good. This one is always an attention getter... HELP!! !! !

This sounds like me, I do it like this, too.
I often avoid names because I tend to forget them. Wen I know a persdon´s name, I also avoid it because I sometimes think I could say it in a wrong way or something like this, I don´t know how to explain it.


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24 Mar 2014, 3:21 pm

It depends. If I am trying to get somone's attention I will call their name, but I don't like using their name throughout the conversation. I used to work in a call centre and I got repeatedly reprimanded for not using the client's name 3 times during the conversation. Apparently it makes them feel like you care. But when customer service people do it to me I feel like they are being patronizing, so I refused to do it. It just feels un-natural.



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24 Mar 2014, 9:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Apparently it makes them feel like you care.

Actually to some people it sounds weird and very obviously trying to be familiar with them, which is a real turn off for some, including both me and my NT mother. I am not the least bit charmed by strangers using my name.

Somewhat related:
My mother told me about a colleague of hers who had gotten a call. The person asked her: "(insert name), is it you? How are you?"
The woman tried to realize who she was talking to, since it sounded as if the person knew her.
Then they continued with telling her where they called from (selling something).
My mother's colleague got pissed off and hung up. I think she might have called them out on it too before she did, I don't recall.

Naturally that kind of thing isn't gonna make anyone feel good. The sales people have a lot to learn about psychology.


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BOLTZ 17/3 2012 - 12/11 2020
Beautiful, sweet, gentle, playful, loyal
simply the best and one of a kind
love you and miss you, dear boy

Stop the wolf kills! https://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeact ... 3091429765