Women frustrate the crap outta me
I just wish I could kill my desire to have a woman altogether... It would save me a ton of headaches... The truth is I hate and resent the male role in courtship... Its hard enough for nt men and infinitely harder for those of us on the spectrum. I know that I can be socially inept and clueless but dang women sure dont do their part to make it any easier.. Even nt men have a hard time figuring them out.. So its not completely our fault for being socially slow... I am just sick of womens indecision. Passiveness, and mindgames. As I said I know my weaknesses and try my best to improve but its hard to make any progress when women are jerking my chain and never give straight answers.
BirdInFlight
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Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?
Speaking as a woman, I do think that the entire world of human interaction, not just dating but in everything, would be so much easier to navigate, and so much better off, if everyone could be politely but clearly honest with their real answers and their real intentions.
Sometimes if a girl or woman is fudging around, not quite saying whether she will or will not go out with you or similar, it may be because she isn't interested but doesn't want to be be rude and come right out and say that. She might be trying to spare your feelings, not realizing, of course, that in fact she's adding to your confusion.
It would feel better to have someone say right out "I only think of you as a friend, so, I don't want to lead you on in other hopes, but thank you for asking," or something similarly clear yet courteous.
And in another scenario, sometimes a woman might not even get that your interest in her is romantic/sexual/dating, and as naive as it sounds, she really does believe you're okay with just being a platonic friend. That sounds ridiculous and dense, but I myself have made this mistake and not even realized that the guy like me in a different way. Sometimes a person thinks it's egotistical or arrogant to just assume "Oh he LIKES likes me!" I'm an intelligent person generally, but I can be very naive and veery backward about picking up on the fact that a man is actually interested in me THAT way. I never assume.
But to that man, it can seem like I'm leading him on. I've only intellectually realized that a few times in my life. So, although not all women are missing the point like that, and some are probably deliberately leading you on a merry chase and not being nice about it, try to bear in mind that other women are well-intentioned but just "not getting it" OR trying to spare your feelings if they don't feel attraction back.
It still hurts, but it has to feel a little bit better to realize that not all fudging and misleading is done with intent to be cruel.
I still think everyone in the world could use a course in how to be very, very clear with each other, though.
.
What a good response Birdinflight. I don't know if it is just a cultural thing or not, but it seems to be impolite to just speak your mind and say to someone "hey I like you... alot!" I look back and wonder if I missed opportunities because I didn't understand subtle signals. Then maybe the guy was like, "why was she messing me around?"
Yup, human interaction is very confusing.
Well? Trolling them doesnt seem to work Ive tried it only makes things worse, you get attention from them but not really in a good way they get frustrated and annoyed and some might chase you Tom and Jerry Style!
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Sometimes if a girl or woman is fudging around, not quite saying whether she will or will not go out with you or similar, it may be because she isn't interested but doesn't want to be be rude and come right out and say that. She might be trying to spare your feelings, not realizing, of course, that in fact she's adding to your confusion.
It would feel better to have someone say right out "I only think of you as a friend, so, I don't want to lead you on in other hopes, but thank you for asking," or something similarly clear yet courteous.
And in another scenario, sometimes a woman might not even get that your interest in her is romantic/sexual/dating, and as naive as it sounds, she really does believe you're okay with just being a platonic friend. That sounds ridiculous and dense, but I myself have made this mistake and not even realized that the guy like me in a different way. Sometimes a person thinks it's egotistical or arrogant to just assume "Oh he LIKES likes me!" I'm an intelligent person generally, but I can be very naive and veery backward about picking up on the fact that a man is actually interested in me THAT way. I never assume.
But to that man, it can seem like I'm leading him on. I've only intellectually realized that a few times in my life. So, although not all women are missing the point like that, and some are probably deliberately leading you on a merry chase and not being nice about it, try to bear in mind that other women are well-intentioned but just "not getting it" OR trying to spare your feelings if they don't feel attraction back.
It still hurts, but it has to feel a little bit better to realize that not all fudging and misleading is done with intent to be cruel.
I still think everyone in the world could use a course in how to be very, very clear with each other, though.
.
It seems that way doesnt it? I think the best way is to let them approach you so you dont have to worry about that stuff
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Last edited by AspieOtaku on 06 Apr 2014, 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
I'm feeling some of that frustration. The impression you make on people by talking to them is unbelievable. You can be stable and well adjusted all you want, but look less confident than the guy standing next to you, or not add to the conversation in the right way and you will get passed over.
Sometimes I think if women had their pick, all guys would be like Eminem and they could just melt our icy bad boy hearts.
I know its a little sexist and broad stroke, but I've wanted to say that for awhile now.
_________________
I'm a math evangelist, I believe in theorems and ignore the proofs.
Have you told him how you feel?
I have told him several times: if I didn't take the intitiative, I wonder of you would. He said yes, but I highly doubt it. He is very busy these week studying for major exams, so I get it, but still it makes me feel insecure about myself.
Well, as you likely already know, aspies have a tendency to focus excessively on one aspect of their lives at a time. Don't take it personally if he's paying less attention to you, that's how his brain works.
That being said, it's my opinion that if he doesn't pay special attention to you after the exams you might need to get mad at him for you to get the point across.
Sometimes I think if women had their pick, all guys would be like Eminem and they could just melt our icy bad boy hearts.
I know its a little sexist and broad stroke, but I've wanted to say that for awhile now.
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