Hi. I'm new, and I have so much to say!

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Hi everyone! I have so much to say to everyone and so much to ask. I think this will be a very good place for me!

About a year ago, I happened upon a book called Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison. As I was reading it, it was the first time in my life I ever felt some sort of identity. I've been living my life like I've got aspergers and educating myself every since, but this is the first time I'm presenting my ideas and questions to other people in a forum like this. I kind of wanted to learn the ropes myself of aspergers by myself i suppose.

I've made huge strides in my ability to socialize with people, mainly working on acting out my emotions, giving other people the ability to empathize with me. They all seem to perceive it confidence, I perceive it as being able to connect better. People just never seemed to react properly to how I was feeling before, but they do now.

I've been expressing myself through writing rap music. Almost all the lyrics are about how I deal with aspergers. I have also written them specifically for people with aspergers, with many connectections to be made, not just lyrically, but phonetically and rhythmically as well.

About 6 months ago I started a job serving pizza late night to drunk people for tips. It has changed my life. I've used the drunk people as testing ground for for social tools, as they are much more easy to read, and they speak their mind much more. I've built a lot more confidence too, because I have to stand up to roudy patrons from time to time and break up the occasional fight, and whatnot.

I have so much more to say to everyone about my journey, I hope you guys ask more!

But I have some questions for you XD

Is it ok for me to tell other people if I think they've got aspergers? It was such a relief for me, I want to pass that love on. But would some people take it the wrong way? Should I encourage someone closer to them to approach them instead?

I'm very confident about myself and my condition, as I've learned to deal with it so positively, and I would love nothing more than to tell everyone I know that I've got it, friends, family, coworkers etc., but do any of you have experience with that? Has it negatively impacted how people have treated you?

Do any of you guys every experience shapes as an emotion? Sometimes when I'm thinking of, or listening to, music, certain shapes and images come to my mind. For me they kind of look like a memory, but they are also accompanied by an intense feeling of relief/calmness. They help me write and learn music faster.

I'm looking forward to sharing and learning with all of you!

Last edited by Bumchod on 09 Apr 2014, 9:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hi and welcome:) hope you make a lot of useful exchanges here on WP.

Regarding a few of your questions. I don't think it's ok for you to tell other people they have aspergers. You are not qualified to make a diagnosis, and making such a claim might freak the other person out, regardless if they have AS or not. That aside, you sound very optimistic and full of life and I'm looking forward to seeing you in other threads:)

I agree with Bumchod about not telling other people that you think they have Asperger's. They might be in a very different place in their journey than you are and not be ready to know or able to handle the idea, even if you are right about it.

Also, in telling other people about having Asperger's, I don't do it myself, even with my family. They would not know about it, not want to know about it, and not know what I was talking about if I did tell them. That doesn't sound like a very favourable review of my family but then they don't warrant one. They live in their little vubbyholes and don't stray outside.

That's what I have a therapist for, where I can talk, explore, delve into Asperger's and find out what I can about myself.

Probably not the wisest idea in most situations.

You've not even been officially diagnosed yourself, and if Robison's book is your only source of information on AS, I wouldn't consider that much of a knowledge base to be working from. IMHO, he makes AS sound nearly inconsequential, rather than addressing it as a serious disability. He may not have been held back by it and certainly lucked into a life of relative success, but many with High Functioning Autism struggle all their lives with the limitations of their neurology and have a hard time even holding down a menial job. I understand he wants to give others with AS hope, but I think it does a disservice to the truly handicapped to give the public the impression that it's no big deal. There are already too many cruel skeptics out there who believe that Asperger Syndrome is not even a real condition and that we're all whining slackers just looking for an excuse for failure.

Telling people you think they have a specific neurological disability just because of a few personal quirks is rather irresponsible and likely to make you a lot of enemies. I understand your personal feelings of validation from having discovered an explanation for your own difficulties - I felt that way myself (and in fact someone else did bring it to my attention, however they had known and lived with me for years and were intimately familiar with my symptoms, and even at that, I suspect it was their own therapist who may have recognized their descriptions of me and first suggested the idea).

That said, there was one person I knew whom I am certain was every bit as Aspergian as myself, whom I did attempt to tell my suspicions to, because he was going through the same employment issues as myself and the same crumbling career and I knew that like me, he had no knowledge, training or experience that would assist him in transitioning into any other field. Unfortunately, I had lost track of him shortly before my own diagnosis and spent 2 years trying to hunt him down, only to find that, unemployed and abandoned by his wife, he had taken his own life in despair. In that particular case, I wish I could have told him, because if he had been able to qualify for Disability assistance, it might have given him enough stability to hang on.

However, many people can be quite offended by having someone suggest that they have an atypical neurological condition, because they perceive that as an accusation of MENTAL ILLNESS and nobody really wants to hear that, especially from an amateur self-appointed psychologist. Besides, High Functioning Autism is a very complicated condition to explain in any depth and there's just no simple way to communicate it. Most folks don't have the patience or the desire to fully understand it and they're instantly bored when you try (it isn't just a set of social quirks, you know, it's an actual processing dysfunction in the brain). Due to the media sensationally linking it with violent crimes recently, a lot of people think anyone who has AS is a potential psycho killer just waiting to explode, so you may find that it's not even desirable to go around telling people you think you have it, much less that you think they might.

Oh, BTW - Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Agreed on the not telling people you think they're on the spectrum bit. It's offensive, even if that person already has a diagnosis. I'm carefully skating around one of the women in my quilt group, who I'm 95% sure has AS (and from what I hear of her husband, him as well) but I can't bring it up with her. If she wants to mention it, she will. I drop hints about some of my symptoms with her, and maybe eventually we'll come to a conversation about it.

As for telling people about your AS, that's completely up to you. I told my immediate and family friends. I found that this was helpful as I've always been somewhat troubled (only somewhat, mind you) and they could never work out how to help me. At least now most of them understand that it wasn't because they didn't try hard enough. I'd still like to slap my parents for never taking me to psychiatrist, but in the 90s, I don't think one assumed that a child might be slightly autistic; they were simply eccentric. It's certainly a task to try and organize a life that's different from the one my parents imagined for me and gave me the tools for (tools that I was laughably ill-equipped to use). I've told some very close friends, but I think you need to be careful on that one. Some people have reacted really well, and others have drawn away or decided that I was now fair game for ridicule. Which was ridiculous, as I was still the same person who they were perfectly happy to be friends with previously.

By all means, let your managers know if it's something that' relevant to the job. I'd be careful about telling any clients or coworkers. Unfortunately the stigma is still larger than the compassion, but I think that depends on where you live. In my experience, it's been useful to tell my supervisors, but it's not information I've shared with other people in the work place.

I hope some of that helps. Good luck!

Welcome!

I do probably seem well adjusted. I've just been working on it so hard for so long now, and it's really paid off. Honestly, a lot of the social aspects affect me, but I'm aware that its AS that causes the complications, so I know to work through it, and over time, t's just become much more natural.

I will admit that my story isnt nearly as sad or complicated as others on this site. I believe this is because my father probably has AS as well, as studies have shown a heredetary link. I believe he learned to deal with it during his young adulthood in a way, creating a certain unique, but appreciated sense of humor. He passed that along to me, and I always was able to make a lot of friends.

He also owned a store, so from the age of 5, I was forced to have customer/clerk interactions. I've always been different, lacking the ability to empathize, but I was just able to make it work. I would agree that I seem more adaptable than most people I've read about with aspergers.

Do you guys think there are mild forms of AS or are there just different adjustment levels? If someone with AS can socialize decently, does that mean they don't have AS? That's kind of a vibe I got from one of the posts. I've just learned to deal with it in a way that makes it more comfortable for everyone, including friends and family and coworkers.

Yes to both questions. Like Willard so expertly pointed out, Asperger syndrome is a hereditary neurological condition that literally changes the way the brain functions. If you're feeling cynical, you might describe it as a serious form of brain damage that affects the right hemisphere and the limbic system. Of course, the term "brain damage" has so many negative connotations, so let's just call it "brain restructuring".

Back to my point... Some people experience ALL the symptoms to a very strong degree. As for myself, I have a hard time recognizing faces, and I find it more or less impossible to judge time, weight, distance and speed. If someone throws a ball at me, I know with 100% certainty that I will not be able to catch it, no matter how much I prepare in advance. These things that I'm not good at are handled mostly by the amygdala and the hippocampus, which is where the "restructuring" took place when I was in the fetal stage of development.

There are also different adjustment levels. People with the exact same severity of Aspergers might either kill themselves because the pain is too much, or they might go on to lead extremely satisfying and beautiful lives. It all depends on how the world has treated them, and on their level of insight into their own condition.



No. Asperger sufferers do have a lot of problems with socializing and empathizing, but this is also behaviour that can be learned. People with Asperger are usually very intelligent (this is a controversial statement, a lot of the literature out there says we have average intelligence). An individual with Asperger syndrome can learn to love other people and can make meaningful and powerful interpersonal relationships, but it is very hard to do if you're terrified of the world and you hate yourself. Introspection, self love and love of others seems to me like a surefire way of improving ones social situation, no matter how severely affected one is by Asperger syndrome.



What you are describing is known as Synesthesia. This is also a neurological condition that makes different sensory impressions "bleed over" into neighbouring sensory centers in the brain. This means you can have the ability to hear colors, to feel sound with your fingertips, to see a smell as if it were a tangible thing in front of you.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-24995232
http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/11/synesthesia-linked-to-autism/65721.html

Great insights from the group thusfar. Wanted to add a few thoughts.

If you're confident in your own perspective, and confident in sharing your perspective, then that seems like the most appropriate way of not only connecting with those people but also of demonstrating the strength you've found in your own discovery. That way, if they do indeed see similarities in their own lives, they can come to you seeking a slice of confidence and familiarity. This is preferable to coming at them directly, as doing so can create an atmosphere of hostility. Said another way: act out of love, and accept that you don't know that person as intimately as they know themselves. If you focus on the positives of your self-discovery, you can open up avenues for them to walk down themselves, if they CHOOSE to do so.



IMO, the more open the world is about themselves, the more we all lay the seeds for a loving culture. Straight up, there is nothing to be ashamed of, and with enough explanation and education, any negative connotations are nullified in the sense that honesty allows everyone to make informed, authentic choices, which are often the healthiest choices we can make. That said, it is important to realize that whenever you tell someone, they're going to need to do a whole lot of learning and unlearning in order to understand you. The labels and generalizations that loom over conditions like this are always too blanketing to be utile. The bullet points of this disorder are starting points of discussion, not end points of diagnosis. They are the anchors that sink some of us and ground others of us. So yes. Keep that it mind; that it may be quick and easy for you to recognize symptoms in your own self, because you have access to your internal processing and the outside world. But remember that the person you're explaining this to can only see your exterior self. And that because ASD/Asperger's most prominently manifests itself in the mind's eye of the afflicted, it can be difficult to translate your experience in a short conversation. A great number of metaphors and situation-specific examples are required to truly transact that sort of nuanced information. Thus, you should totally feel comfortable telling other people, but you should also recognize that saying to an acquaintance "Hi I have Asperger's" can be a confusing moment for said acquaintance. Long story short: you can tell anyone, but be sure that you're educated about your condition, articulate about your condition, and prepared for an in-depth discussion that's going to require a great deal of time and effort.



When I play music, I merge with that type of visual data, riding it in a way that I'd compare to the way in which I cycle city streets, swerving around sewers and gliding over paths of least resistance.

Welcome to the fold.

Have you had a diagnosis yourself? Personally i would never tell anyone you have aspergers until it's diagnosed - in case your wrong.

I see nothing wrong with politely telling other people they may have it. I was told by my works doctor. My boss told him she thinks I have it. From there I got my diagnosis.