Ground control to major Tom

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I'm trying to put myself in mr Six's shoes and keep failing. We don't share the same POV. It's not a good thing when 2 people don't work. We live on basics. It's true, he gave me the world when he was working but I don't earn as much and with the morgage and all it's a miracle nothing has failed so far.
His opinion: i'm not concerned with the social part which is life itself and have no higher goals. My opinion: things are hard enough, we shouldn't argue so much.
I wish I could give him back some of the things he says about me but it's not in my nature to throw things at people.
I'm not sure who is right here. He says I think small and am petty for giving too much importance to trivial things such as bills and dinner and cleaning. I think he could do more since he's home and put more efford in his job seek.
What pains me the most is that we love each other and we are loosing this under all this stressfull situation.

We've got the basics covered, that's all. I can't accept i'm small as a person because i channel all into keeping it.
I'm angry cause these discussions only make me sad. I get tired trying to follow his POV. Cause at a point it stops making sense to me.
Is it neurologic? The reason why I don't aprehend his speech and reasons? I try ro follow and ask when I don't get it. He just gets more and more stressed. All i seem to do is stress him out, when trying to understand.

he feels guilty that he isn't providing and has a poor way of dealing with it - trying to bring you down to what he sees as his level. good for you not throwing insults back. you are correct. he's not rational. he should be supportive and grateful.

Thanks for the support.
That i can understand, the part when one gets irrational and starts projecting. That's a mind mechanism people use socially (mirror reading).
It must be though at his age being in this situation and depending on another person which he never did since for 20 years. I know i don't like to depend on others and this is extreme. I didn't however brought this upon us nor i wish to live like this. I can't afford to loose this job and have a hard time putting all together: job, house keeping and all the freaking things, minor and major, going on. I know he means well when he pushes me to learn skills to get another job as he is learning to go for CGI stuff and all.
What i don't get is if he's so social and was so independent, why is it that he got so dependant from another person, even to go out. And why does he says he ended up with his life like this because i am the way i am.
If i am so introverted and basic as he says, he shouldn't even be with me for starters, if he doesn't like that kind of person.
Why the heck did he pick what in his words is a person deprived of goals, lifeless and dorment?
I do not own the power to pick a man and transform him and his life in a black hole. Not would i use that kind of power if i had it. It makes no sense.

Sounds like a problem of prioritizing, or perhaps different priorities. There should be a way to compromise where Mr. Six helps out, yet is able to enjoy an active social life. Placing blame is usually unhelpful in my experience, so maybe there's a way to abandon "should". ----ie."Should" isn't reality, so let's deal with what we have.

Seems there is definitely an issue with commuication and understanding. I am getting the impression that the two of you don't know how to communicate with eachother. As for understanding, it seems it's more about when and how to communicate.

I don't think that you are well matched. You sound responsible and he doesn't. That causes people to fight. You can still learn from this relationship and know how to better interact with people.

Some communication books say to set a timer for 15 minutes then take a 5 minute break.

Try writing down your discussion.

Allow one partner free talk (respect is essential) for 5 minutes. Only say positive supportive things back. Do this for both partners.

Hug tight until you begin to breathe together and relax. No talking. Don't let go until you both relax and connect.

When you need a break. Say, 'I need a break.' Return to the conversation asap. The books say the next morning after a big fight.

You sound fine. He sounds defensive. To put it bluntly, he needs to get off his butt and get a job. In the meantime he should be sharing the housework and financial aspects equally.

Its understandable to question your own judgement, but as far as you explain, I see no real fault on your part. It is useful to evaluate your own behavior to see if there is something you could do in a more harmonious way. If you are on the spectrum you can have certain idiosyncrasies that cause friction with NTs. And vice-versa is true as well.

How important is it to you to make this work, and is this the right person for you to make the max effort with? How important is it to him? Unless he is also totally committed, its built on sand and you should be thinking about the 'afterwards'.

There are no jobs atm,. I think he can make one for himself though (self employ). He's smart enough. The thing is, he set his mind we should go for a project together, I don't have much free time, and somehow it seems to me it might work if I didn't have a job. Or if I did nothing else other than my job.
Note: the fact he's not sharing the financial aspects doesn't bother me that much because when we got together he provided more than enough (I always had a job though). However I think he should pay more attention to the fact I don't earn as much as it would be necessary for the life we had when we were both working.

He is a good man. We are good people in a very bad position.
My main flaw here, I guess, is not creating strong boundaries.

The kind of behavior you're describing is abusive. While I understand that he's stressed about not having a job, he has no call to take it out on you. If he keeps it up, I'd suggest that one or the other of you leave until he can get himself under control. (Therapy can help with this.)

A lot of men become depressed and angry when they're unemployed, and take it out on others rather than themselves. The real problem is actually a self-centeredness and poor awareness of who they really are: their whole identity is wrapped up in work and providing, and if they can't, they implode. It's the only role they know, so the situation becomes their emergency and nothing else matters, everyone else is supposed to just deal with their depression, rage, irritation, etc.

But that's very selfish. Almost everyone winds up unemployed at some point, you're never the first to go through it, and although it's scary, people generally live through it. Men who're acting out over it need to understand that the entire world isn't about them and their ability to show what great providers they are.

If he tries to pick a fight with you, I'd just walk away. And if he insists on following and bullying you, tell him that if he doesn't stop, you'll need to find someplace else to go. And follow through.

Even as a couple, he's pinning too much responsibility on your shoulders. Is this a shared lofty career goal, or is it his insecurity about social or financial standing? He might (obtusely) believe he is encouraging you, but belittling you is not the way. Perhaps that couple's project needs to be more of a solo one for him.

Good luck.