Marriage Stories

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Most of the threads in this forum have a bleak outlook on the prospect for relationships, so I tought it would be cool if people in successful marriages shared stories about how you met, the difficulties you face, and what has made your relationship work?

Admittedly, my husband and I have been struggling and have had major discussions about our future together, b/c of my diagnosis and the fact that I am going through a lot.

Having said that, my husband and I have a strong marriage. We met through a mutual friend and I went to visit my husband and never left. We were engaged after 6 months and married after living together for two years. We laugh a lot and enjoy eachothers' company.

I believe our marriage is working, because my husband is amazingly compassionate and does not give up when things get rough. He has an optimistic view of life and balances a lot of my dark moods and doubts.

He thought he was going to marry a high-powered, corporate attorney, who would help him build wealth and enjoy the finer things, but because of numerous debilitating car accidents and my AS, he married a homemaker (by necessity, not choice), with numerous medical expenses, student loans, and a freaky brain. And he is still with me and tells me he loves me every day.

I don't know why he puts up with me, but I am sure blessed to have him and I really make efforts to make him happy. We both like to make eachother happy and I think that is they key.

And he is a great dad too.
Tallgirl.

Mel and I have been together for nearly 12 years, we knew each other slightly from school/mutual acquaintances, but hit it off one drunken night at a rock club and have been inseparable ever since. I think our relationship has worked because we both have love and respect for each other, and want to see each other happy as Tallgirl mentioned. It hasn't always been easy and we have been through a lot, but we have tried to pull together through it and I think are stronger as a result.

Finding out about AS was a mixed blessing for us, as we always seemed so 'similar'... I have had to work on my temper and learning to listen, etc, but obsessive behaviour has been less of an issue as we are both equally obsessive lol. It became apparent after looking into it that Mel almost certainly has AS herself as well, which may explain why we haven't found communicating with each other too difficult and felt comfortable with each other - it was like no one else had understood either of us the way that we understood each other when we met.

I may have rambled a little bit...

Dunc

Excellent idea. It seems like marriage is something that is difficult for NT's but naturally it's even tougher for people with AS.


My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years (it'll be 6 in may). We met by coincidence on AOL in 1997. I was 17 and still in high school when we met. We talked and he visited me a couple of times and eventually we decided to marry once I graduated high school. Once we had decided to marry my family decided to take a trip to see where he lived and to meet his family. This was sort of a strange situation for everyone involved. I was living in Oklahoma and he was living in Connecticut. After two years of talking online and infrequent visits we got married and I moved from Oklahoma to Connecticut. An idea not embraced by many in my family at the time.

The first year was tough. I was very homesick and desperately missed my family. The first few holidays and such were incredibly hard considering my extreme difficulty with socialization. I still am not entirely comfortable around his family and don't attend most gatherings but that is another story for another day. Our first year was rough on and off because we were both adjusting to each other. No matter how much you love someone they're going to drive you nuts with their quirks but we loved each other and never found a reason not to try to embrace them. Things slowly began to improve as years went by.

It's been 6 years now and I cannot remember a time when we last argued. The best advice I can give anyone is don't wait to say something if something is bothering you. Any time there is a problem my husband and I will drop everything and fix the problem before moving on. We always end disagreements with a hug and don't walk away until a solution is found. The best advice given to me before my wedding came from my band director with whom I was quite close. He wrote me a letter and in it he told me to "Never go to bed angry". This is advice I have followed to a T and that I value highly.

Most importantly I think spouses should be friends first. What is a marriage without friendship? If you have a strong friendship everything else will fall into place. My husband is my very best friend and to be completely truthful the only person in this world I've found that I can be around 24/7.

My AS isn't too much of a problem in our relationship. My husband is probably as close as you can get to being AS without actually having AS so I'm sure that contributes largely to our success. My husband understands me, and I him, in a way that no one else ever has. I feel completely lucky to have found him and can't begin to imagine my future without him in it.