My parents don't believe me about Aspergers.

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I have a problem with self diagnosing myself, and my parents are extremely frustrating in that they think there is no such thing as a mental illness and it's all just different ways of thinking (which I agree with to a certain degree, but not this far)
Therefore they won't even try when I tell them I want to go and get checked out because online tests are generally unreliable. They will also pretty much ignore my attempts to tell them I'm probably schizoid as well, and will continuously revert back to their argument of "it's like you want to have a mental disorder", "you should stop self diagnosing yourself", and "it's all just in your head". But they are pretty much ignoring every abnormal thing I do and claiming I don't have Aspergers. :/
I really just want to get diagnosed so people will start taking me seriously about it.
There's probably other important things that I'm forgetting to say, but that's the gist of it. Has anyone else had this and what could I do about it?
Thank you.

Dunno how old you are but that's a tough spot to be in perhaps you could try to make it obvious what your symptoms are and give up on trying to tell them anything chances are they'll never believe you because people don't change

Got to love the irony of "You don't have a mental illness- it's all in your head!"

I've personally struggled with the same thing with my dad, and to some extent with my mom as well. My mom has opened up to certain things, but my dad has not.

In the end, you might be better off trying to research how to cope on your own, or invest in online therapy if you can until you get old enough to take action for yourself.

When I was struggling with telling my parents about aspergers, someone in WP gave me an advice that worked and now I am suggesting it. Take a reliable aspie test, for instance, RAAD-S (ritvo scale) and ask one of your parents (the one that knows you better) to do it for you. But don't tell them what it is! Say it is some kind of personality test you found on the internet. Then after the results tell them it was actually about aspie traits and that you scored high. This will open their eyes as they themselves would have answered you do have the traits!

Today I did take that RAAD-S test with my mom. She got a score of 117 (which is still higher than normal)( and by she got a score, I mean that those were her recorded answers for me) and I got a score of 150, which puts me between nerotypical and suspected Aspergers, and my mon STILL does not believe me and (because the highest score was in social) she claims (because she has little social life herself) that it's just the way I was raised.
Then she goes on again about how it has to do with self esteem and that nobody wants to self diagnose themselves unless they are looking for attention( not in those words but I'm pretty sure that's what she ment) though at least she didn't say no to gong to see my councilor again. (Though my counselor will probably think I'm doing it for attention too,because of my self diagnosing habits) I also mentioned how I KNOW I'm schizoid and therefore don't care if I have relationships or not, and don't care what anybody else thinks, so the only reason I'm self diagnosing myself Is for me.
my dad does not care, he won't even get into the argument.
I fell strongly that this is what I have, but because I thought it was something else and told them every time they don't believe me.
Sorry if I repeated stuff, I'm just so frustrated. (Maybe I should start consuming large amounts of food high in mercury to make my symptoms more apparent?) (just kidding)
Thank you.

Hmm... you should not have told her it was the RAAD-S... That is why she was so prejudiced against it. In researches and so they don't tell it right away, there is a control group etc because it influenciates!


Actually a score of 65 or higher is consistent with a diagnosis of aspergers/hfa. There was no false positives when they were testing it in more than 2000 people. Normal score is 20 something. I got 171 and I am in the aspie range, so are you. Aspie range begin in the 45 because between 45 - 65 there is an intersection of aspies and nt's. But the test doesn't adress the severity of the case (ie. if you score 150 another 61 doesn't mean you are more affected or more aspie, just that you exhibit a wider range of traits in any intensity, even mild).
Are we talking about the same test?

How old are you? Seems off topic but is actually important to understand the situation better.
Also does your mother exhibit aspie traits? to what extent?

Last edited by linatet on 19 Apr 2014, 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's the Ritvo autism Asperger diagnosis scale revised (RAADS-R) , and I think we are definitely talking about different tests. In the test I'm thinking you are talking about I got a 149 out of 200.(and 44 out of what I can't remember for nerotypical)
I'm 16, and I don't know for sure but don't think my mom exhibits any traits. I don't really hang around or pay attention to them much.
Thank you.

ah, this one you think I am talking about is the aspie quiz!
no, I am talking about the ritvo scale.
now I am confused
I am going to try to find the abstract of the test wait a minute

Here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3134766/

"The total RAADS scores ranged from 44 to 227 in the ASD subjects and from 0 to 65 in the comparison groups. By ROC curve analysis, we determined that the best threshold for distinguishing between the two groups was a score of 65. Using this value, all 578 comparison subjects were correctly predicted with no “false positives” (specificity = 100%)."

see? score of more than 65 -> no false positives. You got 117 according to your mother. This is in the aspie range!

hmm the RAAD-S is meant for people of more than 18 yo. But anyway, I think since your mother refuses to acknoledge it you would better start searching for a specialist by yourself! That is what I did. It's hard but you have to go find your answers, don't let it stop you.


what is it you do then?


But your mother attributes your high score to the fact you were not raised in a much social environment. But how does this explain the answers to the test? It doesn't. For instance:
"sometimes I talk too loudly or too softly without realizing it"
"I often use words and phrases from television in my conversations"
"I am often surprised when others tell me I have been rude"
"I like to copy the way certain people speak and act. It helps me appear more normal"
"I take things too literally, so I often misunderstand what people are trying to say"
"I have been told I have an unusual voice"
"I can't tell when someone is flirting me"
how is it not being very social would make those traits appear? this is a very flawed argument. I know lots of antisocial loner introverts, but they don't speak in an unusual voice, don't misunderstand people, don't understand things literally etc They do know what to do in social situations, they just don't like it much. I think this is an important difference of loners and aspies, also aspies and schizoids (plus many aspies want to conect, they just don't know how). Maybe it would help if you are willing to convince your mother to compare yourself to an antisocial loner you both know, or ask her to read things about it.

My personal experience: my mother in the beggining was in kind of a denial phase, even after I was diagnosed. When I mentioned a trait or did something "aspie-like" she would say I was pretending or exaggerating it. She thought I was trying to fit myself in the diagnosis. She thought I was thinking I was weird or different because I had low self-steem.
The other day I surprised her in her room crying. I asked why was she sad and she said she was finding this situation to be very hard and that she always knew there was something about me.
That surprised me a lot. And from that on she accepted it. I think the denial is a normal phase. I think that your parents probably realized long ago there was something different about you if you have aspergers, unless they were distant parents or they have aspie traits themselves. Maybe the denial phase will never end in your mother's case, but you have to hope it will. Meanwhile you have to find your path by yourself.

What I do is play video games and read books
Part of her argument is that I don't use words or sentences from television in conversations, I don't have an unusual voice and I don't care about appearing normal so I don't copy other people. (Though I do feel I talk to loudly or soft though my mom does not, I can't tell when someone is flirting and I do take things literarily, and I have no idea if I'm being rude or not, I'm just trying to convey my feelings)
Thank you.

Just say it. I kept it a secret for 3 years before essentially having a nervous breakdown and depression. Having that much tension, and anger in some cases, for such an extended amount of time is not very good for you and can seriously affect your psyche.

i've been there. i was diagnosed when i was four and my parents back then didn't take it seriously, when i was growing up they didn't and only recently that have started to learn what it really is. only recently, because they had someone come to my house, kind of a social skills coach i guess. i don't see her anymore. my dad has kind of opened up (when i used to talk to him about anyhting asd related, he called bu****it), while my mom has stayed the same, indifferent.
i've never talked to her about anything ASD-related. she has said however that i was very isolated and restless growing up, at school. that's the extent of her knowledge about it.

Does your school have a psychologist you can talk to about getting a professional diagnosis? Maybe get your mom a book an Aspergers so she understands? Maybe your mom just doesn't want to think there is anything wrong with her baby, or is afraid of what people will think of you? Try talking to your mom if she will listen. Your mom probably wants what's best for you but just doesn't quite understand. Good luck!

sounds like you might have special snowflake syndrome.

It's one thing if someone diagnoses themselves after two minutes of research but another if someone takes the time to learn about a disorder and actually analyzes the possibility of it being an accurate representation of them and to what extent. I don't think it's fair or helpful to give psychologists and other mental health professionals a monopoly on diagnosing people as they aren't always capable of having an objective point of view and can be wrong.

I am in a somewhat similar position to the OP. My biological father definitely believes in mental illness but only when it applies to other people. He thinks that I act and think the way I do out of choice but I think there's some other factors at work there. I only have two suggestions for remedying the situation and the first is to gain confidence within yourself and own your diagnosis if you truly feel like it's an accurate representation of yourself as the opinions of other people won't have as much of an emotional impact if you feel secure within yourself. The other is to not be shy about reaching out for support (like this forum) if you feel like you need some form of assistance related to your diagnosis.