28 Apr 2014, 5:33 pm
I'm currently studying media as a BTEC Diploma in college, the course has been a great experience for me and this is by far the most welcoming and flexible working environment I have been in; the issue is that due to the sudden 'free reign' I have been given compared to high school is that socialisation is practically off the table, while others casually mingle during break and even within class periods, my one track mind means it's all work and no chit-chat.
Now the problem here is that right from the start of year icebreakers I took the casual tasks far more seriously and diligently than I perhaps needed to, while this might have made people think I was rude I was actually complemented for my smarts and attention to detail etc. the problem here was that at the time I thought it meant that I was now in the clear to get a little more personal, it was at this point that I began to openly drop the A-bomb (do you like that? 
) and disclose my diagnoses to everyone who worked with me, which I think was a mistake in hindsight.
While initially this might have helped people to understand and appreciate me better, I can't help but think my classmates have avoided me following that, they might have spotted my less desirable 'symptoms' regardless but I think they would have made the connection more quickly with the knowledge beforehand, meaning they might have mistakenly labelled my behaviour as autistic even if that wasn't necessarily the case. It's reached the point of paranoia where I begin suspecting people having a low regard for my abilities, it seems very hard to break into any of the circles in class and I rarely get the right of passage into groups and it seemingly boils down to people not wanting to work with me.
There is this one person in my class who I really think has something against me, he seems to tease me for my efforts with a subtle hint of condescendence as well as what I suspect to be the infamous 'special voice', he even openly called me crazy at one point for the amount of unnecessary detail I had put into a certain piece of work, even though he was clearly just teasing there seemed to be an underlying disregard to the whole thing. He sort of chats casually with people and carries a respectable pace and gravitas but he'll make a passing remark to me with a blank expression with a slow, monotonous tone of voice as if he's lowering himself to my level.
I'm sure this isn't malicious, perhaps being aware of my Asperger's he's trying to make it easier for me and support me, but I suspect he might have used it as an easy excuse to avoid getting to know me and instead he categorizes my behaviour and presumes I am not capable of higher social functioning. The reason it's bothering me especially now is at the start of this year there was a girl who was new in our class who seems to have taken a shining to this guy. Now that's all fine and not even my business but once when I was sitting close to the two of them while working on some essay, the two were chatting and suddenly heard the guy whisper "Asperger's syndrome" to the girl and noticed they were both looking at me. What exactly does he see in me that means he has to justify my behaviour to people behind my back and furthermore, what is there about me to tolerate?! I'm a good student and a keen team player, but this sort of scrutiny really feeds the fire of bad thoughts and paranoia for me.
I'd be interested to know how this all looks from an outsiders' point of view and if indeed a similar situation has been experienced by any other people on this forum, also if this is something I foolishly brought on myself or if the other person is at fault for their assumptions, or maybe if they are doing the right thing by trying to acknowledge my struggle even it is unintentionally hurting me.
