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devochka
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13 May 2014, 8:32 pm

Is it an Aspie thing to constantly be romantically attracted to people who have no interest in you and not be attracted to people who show interest in you? I know this is something that happens to everyone, but, eventually, people solve this issue. I feel like I am going in circles.



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13 May 2014, 8:52 pm

Nope, this is normal for humans.
Very, very normal. Kind of disturbingly so.


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devochka
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13 May 2014, 9:02 pm

1401b wrote:
Nope, this is normal for humans.
Very, very normal. Kind of disturbingly so.


So how do people get beyond that and actually get into relationships/get married?



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13 May 2014, 9:40 pm

Learning how to recognise the qualities of healthy relationships first helps. Equality, trust, respect, respectful communication, encouragement, appreciation - know what to look for and how to recognise it. And what the signs of unhealthy relationships are. Books written by David Richo are quite helpful on this topic.



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13 May 2014, 9:42 pm

It's normal to be attracted to far more people than you can marry.
Not everybody is totally in love with the person they marry, even when they marry.

A friend of mine started dating the college roommate of his true love after she broke up with him in order to pathetically still be near her.
He eventually married this roommate for lack of a better idea and they fought viciously forever but have been married for probably about 25 years.
That's one way.

Another is what happened to me a couple times, eventually you find a mutual attraction.

It's probably easier being a guy, all you gotta do is be a man (which is pretty easy to do when you're a guy) and keep your eyes peeled for a girl that suits your fancy.

Or maybe it's easier for girls, low cut top, a bashful smile and some eye fluttering should land even the big, rich, fish.
Works for everyone else, I dunno why it couldn't work for you. =)


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13 May 2014, 10:06 pm

B19 wrote:
Learning how to recognise the qualities of healthy relationships first helps. Equality, trust, respect, respectful communication, encouragement, appreciation - know what to look for and how to recognise it. And what the signs of unhealthy relationships are. Books written by David Richo are quite helpful on this topic.

Yeah, well, call me a cynic but this isn't gonna happen, anybody that has all that will get all that without studying.
A good rule of thumb is if he makes you feel good and/or makes you feel happy to be you, then you're likely on the right track.
If he makes you feel bad, or especially if he makes you feel bad about yourself, it's going to keep being bad news until you end it.


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B19
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13 May 2014, 10:17 pm

Well it worked for me. When I knew better, I did better. Knowledge is power.



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13 May 2014, 10:27 pm

B19 wrote:
Well it worked for me. When I knew better, I did better. Knowledge is power.

Hard to argue with results.
It's nice to hear that at least some of my cynicism is misplaced, thanque. =)


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14 May 2014, 3:09 am

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)


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devochka
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14 May 2014, 6:53 pm

TallyMan wrote:
(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)


How do I get to L&D? (What is it?)



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14 May 2014, 8:24 pm

devochka wrote:
TallyMan wrote:
(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)


How do I get to L&D? (What is it?)

Love & Dating


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