When is the best time to tell my NT boyfriend about my AS?

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I have been dating my current boyfriend for about three months. He is quirky, but NT as far as I know. We can talk about almost anything and put up with each other's weirdness. I haven't told him about my AS yet because I'm always afraid about how people will react to it. The only people who know about my AS are my best friend from high school and friends from my autism awareness student group in college. I don't even know if he knows that much about ASDs. He's never really brought it up even though he knows I'm the president of a student group on campus that aims to help people with ASDs and their families. For those of you that have been in relationships, when did you tell your SO about your ASD? This is my first relationship, so it is something I have yet to decide.

I would say it depends on how long you have known him, not how long you've been dating but how long you have known each other. I wouldn't say "I have autism." I would phrase along the liens as "I have aspergers." then explain what aspergers is. If you have another form of autism, I would state it in a similar fashion. "I have *fill in blank*." then go on to explain what it is and it is part of the autism spectrum. I would phrase it that way, instead of just saying "I have autism." Depending on how long you two have been dating, he will know that obviously whatever you have won't interfere with the relationship.

I said it right away to my current so called boyfriend. He said he would like to go out with me and I said "We can try, but keep in mind I probably have aspergers so I am not good with relationships". Then he asked me what it is, he read something about that and then he started to worry about stuff like if he isn't making me sensory overload etc. To be honest I don't know what is worse - someone who doesn't give a damn or someone who is paying too much attention to my experiences like he does.

But it is too late for this in your case. So if I were you I would wait till I do something he realises isn't normal and once he points it out I would say "Well, I quess my Asperger showed itself." and laugh. That was how I said it to my friend.

I told my fiance with in 2 weeks of talking to him, before meeting him. At the time, if I was going to have a relationship with him, it would be long distance, and therefore a large investment of time and gas money, so I wanted all the cards on the table. I told him I have Aspergers, and what that meant, and under circumstances I have shutdowns, and what leads to them, yada yada. I was sort of trying to scare him off if he was not going to be serious about accepting me. I figured that it would end things quickly, or provide understanding when things do happen. It turned out well as there have been a few shutdown incidents. He is anti-social, so while he can socialize, and does understand tone of voice and body language, he prefers to not socialize, so I do not have to push myself to socialize beyond my limits.

He might kind of know since he knows that you'll president of the student group.

Just include that it helps you better understand yourself. And that it's about playing to strength and being matter-of-fact about any deficiencies.

And I'd think it's a process of understand and keep occasion relatively brief, unless it involves a story about your life in which autism spectrum is only one aspect of the full-bodied story.

Just tell him. What's the worst thing that could happen?

If he reacts badly then he's just done you a valuable service by giving you a good excuse to go and find someone better suited to you. I might be concerned that I was doing something terribly wrong if my SO felt it was necessary to hide something like that. If your relationship hits any difficulties because of your or his neurotype he'll be better equipped to work through it with you if he's informed and knows what kind of animal you are.

BTW I was only diagnosed last year, days after I'd made the difficult decision to end a lengthy relationship. Though I had suggested to this ex that I might have Asperger's and was due find out, this was not the reason the relationship ended.

I just met a new ladyfriend, things are going well. We've not been seeing each other a week and I've already confessed that I'm a certified alien, and pointed out what that might mean for future relationships... she's not frightened at all. Perhaps she should be?

Another example - I know a lady Aspie, older than me, fascinating, maddening, and very beautiful creature. Her only problem is her foul taste in men, that is, I've not bedded her to get to my point she doesn't care who knows about her Asperger's, and seems to enjoy kicking people's misconceptions square in the balls.
She actually brags that she's had more marriage proposals than all of her old schoolmates combined, and I can believe her. Still not married, still not had kids. Successful and rich too. She's always with someone, and to my knowledge only fishes for NT men.
We have a couple of mutual NT-acquaintances between us, and she is envied and feared by them.

Tell him.

Frankly, I would've been upfront with him from the start. However, that's what I would do, and it isn't about me. It's about you, so I think you should tell him. Explain to him why you didn't tell him from the beginning. If he doesn't react favorably, then it's clearly his loss. You can't help it if he's letting something like this decide whether or not he wants to be with you. You were born with this, it's not like you had a say in what your complete neuro-genetic (I doubt that's a real word, so yeah...)makeup.

If he does react favorably or doesn't seem fazed by your news, well at least you got that weight off your chest.

After you mention you're pregnant.

i would say after he marries you

After assessing his attitudes to minority groups generally - how accepting of difference is he - how judgmental or not is he - does he use himself as the yardstick for normal and any difference is abnormal to him - or does he have the kind of mind that can make imaginative leaps into the realities of other people different from himself.

If he lacks that imaginative capacity at an essential level - then never tell him.

If he has potential as an "understanding acceptor of difference", then I would suggest waiting at least a year.

It took me two weeks to open up about it to mine and we started dating about three weeks after.
What she was upset about was the fact that I had hidden the fact that I took medication from her until two months after we started dating.

Why bother? He f**k you over anyways.

I'd say wait until you know it's not just a passing fling and that you're both serious and know each other very well. You know, when you start talking about your "future together" and the like.

i have AS and my girlfriend was NT we were having a conversation about a neighborhood kid who had some type of autism and i decided to bring up that i had it she was surprised i told her about it and said that makes sense and we went on just fine for months later you should talk about it its part of you