aspergers and my rents "disbelief"

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first post here..... and im in real need of help.

im 26 and still live with my parents. i was diagnosed with aspergers in my third year of university "music at oxford brookes"

i chose not to see the phychiatrist again as i saw his "help" as his way of puttin bread on the table at my expense. this visit was intially my mothers idea as she thought i wasnt "right in the head".

so im back in good old brum after uni, i work as an electrical engineer at an LED lighting company.
their great......some days i have really "bad" days where i dont want to see/speak to anyone and they dont mind me not going in. they took on board my wierd quirks and accomodate me.

but my mother on the other hand......is borderline narsasitic with me. she doesnt think i have it, she thinks im just antisocial and a nasty person and the cause for all her (first world) problems.

this is based on.....a lifetime of whenever talking to my mom, id say something/anything then she'd shoot me and my ideas down. so i got to the point after university where i stopped replying or talking to her because the conversation would always end in me being put down.

my dad was on my side "by on my side i mean hed agree how narsastic my mom is when she wasnt ther" but her inssesant nagging/ narsasistic BS has made him cave in in the last week.

basically shes now started saying well kick you out if you dont change.

i dont know what to do...... ive told her again and again its aspergers. printed out things about aspergers for her to read........i just cant get through to her that this is who i am now.

i dont argue with them.... i keep to myself, i dont drink, i clean up after myself, im not noisey, i dont come in late at night. if i was any nicer id be farting rainbows and kittens.

im stuck.....apart from actually moving out "which i cant afford to do" i dont know how to resolve this......

any help advice would be so greatly appreciated

Sorry to hear this jimmyhackers - sounds like a tough environment for you.

Perhaps think about approaching your Dad for his assistance in helping you to find / arrange for / move in to an apartment of your own. Sounds like he cares about you and your challenges and would be willing to help - he might be willing to help you make it work on the finances side or help you with your budgetting so that it can happen. You might find that living in your own place away from your Mom works out better for all. Even if it's a tiny apartment at least it'll be your own space.

Good luck.

From one electrical engineer to another, welcome

Just remember a couple of things. Firstly your mother isn't a psychiatrist so whatever she says regarding Asperger's is the opinion of an amateur. Secondly she has no idea of what's going on inside our heads, especially because she's an NT and we're aspies, we're wired different.

Moving out would be a good thing, trust me on this, and if you need some help then have a quiet word with the Social Services people down at the Town Hall, you'll be amazed at what they can do if you're willing to work with them.

^ housing benefit and working tax credits can help if you don't earn enough, you might have to save enough for a couple of months rent for a landlord to let you in but once you are in you can apply for these.

I think I respond in a similar way to you, I have one parent that just seems to always be looking for something to pick at (I don't think it is deliberate just a natural disposition), and another who is just passive. If I am being criticised I will just shut down, my reasoning is I never criticise them why should they criticise me, I'm not engaging. I secretly think both my parents have AS too but manifest in different ways.

In addition, might there be a Spectrum Self-Advocacy group in your area?

I have this idealistic view that the UK is ahead of where the U.S. is on questions of self-advocacy and solidarity. This is not always true of course, but it sometimes is.