Ever offend people when you dont mean to?

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I do this all the time sometimes I shrug it off like I dont care but othertimes I feel bad and the guilt happens then I feel bad is this normal?

I do this fairly often. A lack of social skills, a unique environment and just a different way of thinking makes me offend people who I even like and admire.. its a shame.

Yes, I unintentionally offend people. I always apologize if they say something to me about it. I don't step into this traps as much anymore. I have learned ways to avoid them. It still inevitably happens sometimes though.

A lot of people have a "shoot first and ask questions later attitude." By that, I mean that if they can't put their finger on the meaning behind what someone said or did, they feel it's their God-given right to assume the worst and lash out. Most NTs get offended when they're not 100% sure they understand the meaning in something someone said or did. It's what they default to. Rather than pause and reflect, or at least give the benefit of the doubt, most will assume ill intention.

That's standard NT behavior when someone doesn't act according to the social script.

Yes, quite a lot I think, unfortunately.

According to some people I can be quite arrogant. Most of the times I am just really sure of something
But some people feel 'hurt' by my attitude. Even when it is with the best intentions from my side.

In the past I used to be hurt by that comment as well. Now I just think: "Deal with it". People asked for my advice and got it. If you can't deal with it: Don't ask me.

yeah happens just being honest. did it on a (mostly) NT forum recently and got someone really upset. ended up putting a disclaimer in my sig about how autistic people can be blunt which can offend without meaning to. gave my reputation there its first real ding i think (tough some were on my side). i'm still bothered that i basically attacked that person without meaning to. i publicly apologized, but still bothers me. oh well, my dad would say we all learn from our mistakes.

I have no idea. I assume I don't or else people would often tell me I offended them But my husband has pointed out to me I say lot of stuff lot of people wouldn't say and he takes no offense because he knows I don't mean it. I don't even know what I could say that would even be offensive.

Yeah I'm actually really good at that. I probably offended everyone here somehow. I'm really sorry I don't even realize when I do it. I hope no one is upset at me.

you're saying that I have the right to be obtuse and unthinking in what I say. But others dont have the right to be obtuse and unthinking in their reactions to what I say. I dont have to "be reflective" before I speak. But others have to be reflective before reacting to me.

You gotta admit that that double standard makes no sense.

Yes sometimes, but I wonder if I do it more than I realise. For example, when mothers I know talk about their babies (who they are obsessed with and naturally think are the best thing since sliced bread) they all laugh and say "actually when they're newborn they're very boring because they don't react to you and sleep and poop all day", something they all seem to realise when they have their first and chat about between each other.

However, I realised that saying "aw your baby is so cute and little, but little babies are boring until they start doing things aren't they?" does NOT go down well, especially because some new mothers get very suspicious and judgemental through the hormones!

I find people almost always get offended because they can't see things from other's point of view- and accepting that point of view (without taking it as an attack) would mean they can't stay in their safe little bubble world.

Oh all the time sadley but I explain afterwards, most im close to understand I never mean any harm at all and sometimes I just dont say it right or am a bit blunt, then again they to offend me with jokes etc involving me (these are online friends) but just as they do with me I understand they mean no harm even though sometimes I have to say when it's really getting on my nerves.

yeah, but only every day.

I try to remind myself to keep
my mouth shut.

I never mean to upset anyone.

+1

No, naturalplastic, that's not what I'm saying at all. If you don't understand, ask for clarification before making absurd inferences.

What I'm saying is that it's irrelevant how thinking/unthinking you are. You could rack your brain trying to "get it right" before opening your mouth, but if you still don't deliver "properly," then people will default to 'being offended.' That's the thought pattern, "I don't get it, therefore, it's offensive!" regardless of how thinking/unthinking you are in your delivery. That's the point I was making, which you totally spun in some bizarre direction.

Ironically, you kind of prove my point to some extent. You misunderstood me and were quick to try and debase me. Do you see a little more clearly now? Does it make a little more sense?

Yes at times...tho when I was younger I had a tendency to be blunt and honest with my answers it wasn't until my mid teens did I learn the concept of a white lie or sugar coating something. but hey when you live in a NT world you have to adapt (or try as best as one can)