Dream

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A couple nights ago, I had a dream, where I knew a trans woman who was about to have sex reassignment surgery (SRS). Then I went and met another trans woman who was lying front down in the back of a truck and I talked about the other trans woman having SRS and the trans woman in the truck said that Oh, she was going to get it too, because she had been "comped" for referring the first trans woman.

Next, I was in the surgeon's office. I asked about SRS for me, but they said that I was not going to get it. I bitterly complained about this, but the surgeon, a woman, dismissed me and told me to Oh, just sit down and keep on moaning about it!

I sat down and the dream ended.

dreams often give evidence to our hopes and fears.

More dream interpretation:

I'm tired of the pattern of either antagonism or indifference toward me. In that dream, I wanted it to be that when I showed my pain and suffering to the surgeon, that I would have gotten the surgery, too, but instead all I got was antagonism and indifference. Outside of my mental health professionals, it would appear that no one considers me worthy of surgery, but only of a life of pain and suffering, because I cannot put on that faux happy face, because I cannot go all out and be some magical wonderful person despite my tremendous need that would make charities like the Jim Collins Foundation or people in my community trip over themselves to donate funds toward my surgery.

I hate this American transgender rite of passage of saving up for surgery, because I could never pass such a rite, so I want to crush it under my heel once and for all. (I am tired of others always trying to subject me to it.) If only I had the power to crush that rite of passage under my heel,...

Antagonism also seems to increase proportionally to the level of need expressed. Not just cis people, but trans people too, hate me for sending out my expressions, my cri de couer, so to speak.