There's a lot of feelings mix here. I'll be direct, "I am a woman trap in a man's body" and I accept being male for now by dissociating these feelings from me. I am also in the military (and have been for over half a year), and these feelings don't interfere with my day to day operations. I keep this all to myself, and act like a normal heterosexual male by the way.\\ Guys seem to have crushes on me, here and there, but they don't act. I could count 3-5 males who had a slight crush on me, from wanting to hang out with me/doing me favors, to flirting with me slightly. I don't want them to act on it, either.
But there is this one guy, he spends every chow with me, every break with me, even goes out of his way and invites me to go to chow with him during the weekends with some of his friends. He hangs around me because of me, and not because I have some amazing conversations ((I talk about lame subjects like classroom material, training, or life in general)). He comment on my height twice (saying I was small/short.... 5'6), he said I was distinguish looking once in front of others, and he called me "boy" more than a few times... but that could be just a word to him (((where I come from that has multiple meanings))). He has a dark sense of humor sometimes. Also, he initiated physical contact with me a few times "he put his hands on my shoulder twice when I was walking through a crowd", even help me with my backpack just for a second. I can't exactly read it though... but to be honest I don't feel like I reach a strong enough connection with him just yet since I don't know anything about his personal life besides little details here and there. We're not really similar at all though.
But he also has a girlfriend. He does not really talk about her. I seen pictures of her, and she's average looking (short, chubby) but she has pale skin/dark hair (which I also have). He said that she's too pretty for him in front of others. But then he told me he forgot her birthday and said that's probably a horrible thing. He doesn't really talk about her besides that, and he will talk about females as a single guy would...
My personal feeling is that he is 80% straight, and 20% bisexual. I happen to turn that bisexual feeling on, but I think it's more mental... mainly because he follows me everywhere.
He also made fun of this flamboyant gay guy with me. But then he ask if I was gay when I said this certain girl wasn't that pretty. I told him I wasn't. He thinks I am straight... but I also been talking about girls more than usual the past few days. But, this is a big but, he look through my notebook on my desk, and in that notebook... it contains sketches of girls (I do that when I am bored; a couple look really girly, while a couple look like Angelina Jolie type). I don't know what he thinks now.
What do you guys think??
27 May 2014, 9:45 pm
