I feel guilty about my AS

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I've been putting a lot of guilt, but as I've grown up, you know... I'm an adult in the real world and I'm expected to talk the talk and walk the walk it's really hard and frustrating at times. I don't have my adolescent going through a phase to hide behind anymore... No... I'm an adult, but I don't feel like it. I get so frustrated at those around me I wonder how they can even tolerate me. I can't talk to them often times and a lot of times I've said hurtful things to them. I guess I should work on apologies saying I have AS is no excuse for anything I should still respect other humans. My friend was talking with my grandma the other day and he told her about his autism, then I hear my grandmother talk to him about "mine"... To be honest... I'm going to be honest, I do think that perhaps it might have been a misdiagnosis, but at the same time, I can't really think of anything else to fit with certain things... The first time I noticed something different about myself was when I was in art class and the teacher told us to start drawing, and as soon as I started drawing the entire world disappeared around me sounds and sights... Meanwhile I was being bullied by the other kids in school for me never having a girlfriend and for just plain having low confidence. I put my mother through a lot of hell raising me. At this point in my life I have lost that focus, and my life is a complete jumble of paranoid thoughts and absolute lack of focus. I can still manage to focus on my Chinese movies if I take breaks though and also I can partially focus... But that unshakable focus is gone... I can't even focus enough to read a book! All these things weighing on my shoulders... Some of the things I've said are unforgivable I think... They just slipped out of my mouth for no reason, I can't explain it and I wonder what the hell I was thinking at the time. Now I sit here, a person in college and completely terrible at math mind you, wallowing in my own guilt. I don't want to grow up and talk next to water coolers the rest of my life!

guilt is there to make you apologize and not do the same thing again. after that, let it go.

Ok thanks. I'm going to write a letter to my family.

I do hope this isn't a reference to doing anything that would harm you. You shouldn't feel guilty about having AS.

Even if you are somehow immature for a 22 year old (you might not be) you don't have to apologise for that. You're still young, I certainly wasn't mentally or emotionally adult at your age. Perhaps I'm not now, at 32.

Give yourself a break, as in, be kinder to yourself.

There's neuroscience that now suggests the brain isn't completely finished it's puberty upgrade to an 'adult' state until about 25. So no, you're not an adult yet. The ages of 18 or 21 are just social distinctions. Biologically you still have a few years to go. Relax, you'll be fine



Even when I don't do the right thing I feel bad about it. I feel like when it comes to a lot of things I hold myself to a higher standard than I do others. It sucks and causes a lot of difficulty but if I could choose to be less self conscious and guilty I wouldn't. I'm glad that I care when I make mistakes or don't know how to say sorry.



You get to have a say as to how your life turns out. Never feel guilty about that. Try to make it so things are at least sometimes on your terms as well as occasionally conforming to neurotypical standards. Find a balance.

No it isn't I often write letters about my thoughts because often times I can't really express them at the given moment when I need to. Letters give me time to sit and concentrate on what I want to say so the words come out right.

I don't really know how to do the quoting system as intricately as you did so pardon the messiness . Alright, I do wonder what I will be like when I'm biologically mature. Maybe a family. I do want a family. I will try to conform somehow of course. You know, just this weekend I sat with my relatives and drank a bottle of beer, even though I hate alcohol. It makes me feel less tense when I'm surrounded by people but of course it's not a cure all, I only drink once every 6 months or so. Sometimes when I'm just minding my own business I'll have flashbacks of all the stupid things I did in my life, I just can't seem to let it go... Especially my extra "trying to be rebellious idiot" teenage years...