Hi...I think I might belong here...help!

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Hi All,

I am a 34 year old woman and over the last couple of years I have started to seriously think I might be on the spectrum. I work with young children and have had a couple who were diagnosed after I noticed some red flags. Colleagues have praised my observational skills, intuition, sensitivity in noticing the signs, but I think it has been more of a "it takes one to know one" situation. I have spoken to several people about it and most laugh at me. The person who took it the most seriously was a psychiatrist I saw once who said: "You are probably on the spectrum but you are functioning in the world and have figured out what works for you so no need for diagnosis." I feel kinda weird about that as I felt like she was validating me and blowing me off at the same time. She also said that if I had a child it would have a good chance of being autistic and that I should try eating gluten free.

Anyway I would love to hear from women on the spectrum as I understand that it presents differently in women and men. Also anyone who has dealt with drinking problems or eating disorders.

Here are some of the behaviors that have made me think I might want be on the spectrum:
as a kid I barely spoke in school in prek, kindergarten and the first half of first grade
on my first grade report card the teacher points out that I have no friends
my prek teacher suggested my parents take me to a neurologist and my 1st grade teacher sent me to the school psychologist (who according to my mom said I was fine)
I soothe myself by clicking the back of my tongue on the roof of my mouth and smelling my hand. I did this all the time as a kid and got made fun of for it. Now I do it in private. It puts pressure on the roof of my mouth which is a really comforting sensation.
I did pretty well in school but never had a group of friends. I rediscovered an old assignment from middle school where I listed my friends. Super embarrassing to read--I listed all the popular girls as my friends but I wasn't friends with them at all!
As a kid I would make myself throw up sometimes. I did it a lot as a teenager and in my twenties. I thought it was bulimia but I never binge. The sensation of throwing up (just after I do it) comforts me. I tend to do it when I have a lot going on. I don't necessarily feel stressed consciously but looking back I can see it was a stressful time.
I struggle with transitions and changes big time. I am a Montessori teacher and work with really little children (under 3). Things are kept very consistent for them and I love that. I couldn't handle working with 3-6 year olds because there were too many changes.
I can't imagine getting married or having kids even though people around me do it and I am around kids all the time. I have a really hard time picturing life events that I haven't already experienced.
I was really picky about food as a kid
I had a lot of tantrums and my parents found me difficult but when I have pressed them for why they can't say except that I was different, smart and stubborn
I have gone through periods of weird eating as an adult verging on anorexia (eating fewer than 500 calories a day)
I have always been a loner even though I come from a big family
I am sensitive to noises and smells but like to listen to music really loud in my car or on my headphones and am very comforted by smelling my hand or my pillows and towels (but freaked out by the smell of other people's pillows, etc.)
I have a hard time taking in new information especially small bits: like a yoga teacher telling me to move my body in a way that is new to me (I have to see it demonstrated), reading bits of info like on the dmv website, trying to read directions to IKEA furniture
I am very good with understanding, synthesizing philosophical theories, etc. that other people find difficult

My mom has a masters in special ed and worked with kids with autism. I asked her if she thought I had it and she got mad and said there is no way because she would have known. However, she does think her sister has it and I know that several of my first cousins (on her side) have been diagnosed (they are younger than me and highly functioning). When I was a kid she used to tell my siblings that I was just like her sister (the one she thinks has it). But my aunt has not gone to college, lived independently, etc. I feel like since I have been able to do these things my mom has changed her opinion and now thinks I am "normal" although she is super freaked out that I am not married and don't have children so I am still not normal enough for her!

I gave up drinking a few years ago because I was doing it every day basically to treat really severe social and work related anxiety. I started going to AA meetings. There people say that alcoholics are black and white thinkers, are socially awkward and think they are different from every body else so that made me feel like maybe that was what was up with me. I still dont drink and go to meetings but find that a lot of the issues alcoholics deal with: being lying and manipulative, breaking the law, etc. are not part of my experience.

So I am here wondering if I should pursue an official diagnosis? If the issues I have had in my life: throwing up, eating issues, drinking, anxiety, etc. are common.

I was kind of overwhelmed when looking at all the topics. I bet there are threads that this post could be a part of but I just felt like the best thing for me to do was just get it all out. If you can point me to some helpful threads I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

Hi juniorlifesaver, and welcome!

If you think a diagnosis might help, have you tried any of the online tests yet? Just a thought. I'm sure they're not 100% but it's easy to do and at least it gives you a pretty good indication of the likelihood.

I'm male so I can't respond to your main query but I do recognise about half of the characteristics you mention from my own personal experience.

Anyway, I'm sure someone on here will be able to help more and one of them will probably respond pretty soon.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi juniorlifesaver.

I have recently been diagnosed at 41 with many of the things that you mention affecting me too.

Now that I have a diagnosis, I realise that I have known all along (I, too, worked with children with autism and saw the red flags!).

It took a breakdown and depression for me to get to this point - don't let that happen

I cannot post a link yet, but I found this site helpful as it features female characteristics of AS - google Aspienwomen: Adult women with Asperger Syndrome. Moving towards a female profile of Asperger Syndrome.

Good luck!

I was not diagnosed til i was 48!I was a drunk for years but now I am sober for the last 7 years!I had trouble with an eating disorder also.My parents or sibling do not believe I am Autistic.My husband is the one that investigated this & I got a diagnosis after many years of struggles for me.I think if you really feel that you are on the spectrum, you probably should get a diagnosis only if YOU feel like it would help.I personally feel for myself it was a relief to know.Do some soul searching about it I guess.My behavior was extreme when I was a child.I have no friends except my husband.I don't even drive a car because i get lost.I have extreme social anxiety,lights bother me,noises that i hear & others don't, like the buzz of some florescent lights,fabrics bother me & i have to have weight on me when I sleep.I also smell my hands & smells bother me, they seem very strong to me.I can't go anyplace alone.I did very poorly in school. I eat the same food for an entire week,& have been that way since i was a child. I still play with Barbie & am obsessed with sewing patterns! There's more but I will spare you & myself!LOL!