New member as of today
I'm Tyler I'm new to wrong planet. I have really been struggling with finding friends and coping with the way people treat me. I feel like I'm there for people and they are not there for me when I need them. I also am interested in finding a companion / girl friend to do things with. I am in the process of finding a full time job, and continuing my education . I just received my Associate degree. Being 23 has just been a struggle for me. I feel that I am just finding out that yes, people do see me differently and coping with how they treat me. Just feeling lonely and down . I do enjoy music and that is my outlet when I feel down. I could use some suggestions on where to meet people, and how to form relationships that last. Thanks!!
First of all, let me give you some well deserved encouragement! It sounds like you are going to school and getting some credits, and you are also working towards finding a job in a difficult job environment. Remember, it's tough for everybody to find a job right now, so you are not in a unique position because of you're an Aspie. Your in a good position, I didn't know I found out I had Asperger's syndrome until 3 days ago! Knowing will allow you to make necessary adjustments in your life to best suit your needs.
I just finished reading the book, "What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know about Women, Dating, and Relationships". Lest you ignore my advice, let me further tempt you into reading it. The author works with couples where one partner is an Aspie, and the other is usually not. While you'd assume an Aspie man would have a relationship with a woman who's an Aspie, that almost never happens. Aspie men have a tendency to have relationships with a woman who is *really* in tough with her feminine side, a care taker like a nurse or teacher. The type of woman who seems to be full of enough love to provide it to the entire world, and yet finds some lucky guy and gives it mainly to him. I bet you wouldn't have guessed that. Me either, who would've known!
That's why you need to read the friggin book!
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,868
Location: Portland, Oregon
Hi Ty. First off I am 59 and have only since my son was diagnosed some 8 years ago realized there was actually a name for what I went thru all my life. Funny once I knew I was not alone I learned quickly to feel comfortable in who I was. I am very successful in life but it was tough since I accomplished it with no ones help. I am one of those that believes it is a gift and would not ever come close to achieving what I have if for lack of a better word normal. I see you are looking for a girlfriend. I came to find that joining a dating site is far and away best thing for you to do. It lets you chat and with feedback from replies or lack of them you get to know what and what not to say before having a women get to know you. Much better to learn how to start with cyber rejection while learning this. Also I have helped my son with his aspergers by finding best way to help with his problems. I believe the key is to only work on fixing one thing you want to change at a time. If more than one it always fails. It takes roughly a month to see change as in any habit which all stereotypical aspergers signs really are. Why telegraph to others. Aspergers brain doesn't want to change on its own so it takes what I call the you brain a real want to stop. It is best if you have a friend or family member that is observant enough to remind you to stop when they see you doing what you are working on. If reminded a few times by others it seems to reinforce to your brain that you are right to try and stop. You have entered a next phase of life at your age that is so much sweeter than what is now behind you. It is when the aspergers benefits can far outweigh the social drawback which by the way gets better if you actually work on them. Dating site is good for that also. Gone on long but thought to reply since I know you are at a pivot age for aspergers. Just so you know my love life is better than at any time before thanks to the practice a dating site offers. Big key is don't talk too much at beginning. They enjoy a man that listens. And of course us a Aspy's love talking too much once we start. ( my post shows that lol ). Save the self promotion for after they are interested lol. In case you are wondering that is after 2nd date .Good luck Ty
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