Which parenting style did your parents use?(read first post)

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Which parenting style did your parents use?
Authoritative 41%  41%  [ 24 ]
Authoritarian 40%  40%  [ 23 ]
Permissive 12%  12%  [ 7 ]
Neglectful 7%  7%  [ 4 ]
I was an orphan/had no parents/raised by relatives 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 58

ghostgurl
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24 Feb 2007, 12:47 am

Which parenting style did your parents use? I want to see if there may be a trend among aspies. For the record these are the different types:

Authoritative parenting- This involves the parent expecting the child to follow the rules, while also explaining the reason for the rules. These parents are usually calm yet firm with their children. Children usually have a close relationship with their parents.

Authoritarian parenting- These kind of parents expect obedience from their children no matter what. They are usually quite strict with them, and have an attitude of "Do it because I said so". Usually children raised in this kind of parenting style rebel.

Permissive parenting- This involves parenting with very little rules. These parents let their children do whatever they want and give them anything they want. They have low expectations for their children and these children usually rebel.

Neglectful parenting- These parents are usually cold towards their children and neglect them by not providing the necessary food, shelter, health and often abuse their children.

As for me I was raised in an authoritative manner.


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BeautyWithin
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24 Feb 2007, 12:56 am

My parents were authoritarian and beat us any time we did something or were suspected of doing something wrong.



Starbuline
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24 Feb 2007, 12:58 am

Mother-Authoritarian
Father-Somewhat neglectful.



tinky
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24 Feb 2007, 1:02 am

mother-authoritative
father-authoritarian and authoratative. he can be one or the other.


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Deus_ex_machina
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24 Feb 2007, 5:15 am

Sort of Authoritive, sort of Permissive I'd say, they'd usually end up giving me what I wanted because of the sheer hellishness of my rebelliousness, which was caused by food additives and the like, but at other times they'd kind of "Strike back", which only made me angrier, now it's sort of resolved.

I never really asked for too much though, I rarely ever said "I want that" then had a fit because I didn't get it (My sister was more like that), it's more like "This is blindingly painful for me and you don't even ****ing notice, so I'm going to extract every ****ing cent from you until you start to listen" They're starting to listen.

They never had low expectations though, and I never had a close relationship with them, except maybe my Dad.


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KBABZ
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24 Feb 2007, 5:25 am

The top one.


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T-rav20
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24 Feb 2007, 5:25 am

Varies
My Mother and my Aunt (at separate times, no less) were authoritarian, while my Grandmother and Great-Grandmother were highly permissive. Is it any wonder I turned out screwed up?


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Gilb
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24 Feb 2007, 6:18 am

father-Authoritative/Authoritarian
mother-Permissive



Graelwyn
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24 Feb 2007, 6:40 am

I think parenting can be slightly more complicated than trying to fit it into 4 distinct styles. For example, you can have a parent who gives you what you want materially, tries to control what you wear and how many friends you have, and what you do with your life, and also emotionally abuses you. That fits none of those descriptions, as far as I can tell.



ixochiyo_yohuallan
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24 Feb 2007, 6:53 am

Authoritarian with lots of shouting and blaming. I wasn't expected to do housework and such, but there was a lot of pressure for me to succeed academically (at the expense of most other things) and I was basically confined to the home until I was 15.

I didn't rebel, but developed a sort of passive-agressive defense mechanism instead. I would usually obey everything I was told because I couldn't bring myself to object (I'm an adult now and it's still very difficult to discuss just about anything with my parents), but inwardly I had my own opinion of things and kept to it. If I did resist, it was in a passive way - I would fail at tasks, be avoidant, "forget" that I was forbidden to do something and carry on with it. Eventually, when I was thrown out of university, I didn't tell my parents that I was no longer studying until a few years later, for the same reason. It was the only way for me to show that I was still my own person and wouldn't let someone turn me into a marionette.

I was also dishonest during most of my teens. I feel very bad about it, but I guess lying helped make sure I still stayed who I was. It made sure that a part of my life remained a secret from my parents, and so couldn't be invaded and controlled. It also made sure I could do the things I liked which I was barred from. Besides, I was simply afraid of my parents and of the screaming which would break out if I was found out. It jarred me badly every time (and I took most of the things they said literally then, which didn't help) and I suppose it was hardly better than being spanked.



SteveK
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24 Feb 2007, 8:46 am

GOD, I had a little of it ALL! When I was in an orphanage though, I didn't have relatives raise me. LUCKILY, I wasn't there very long. I don't even remember if I had dinner. The first day I went there, it was very late.

I ALSO was a latchkey kid that came home to a place with little to eat, and I went to a school where they spanked me at least 7 times for no reason! It was a private school kindergarten through 4th. They had a huge paddle for just that purpose!

There were times I could do almost anything, and times I could do almost nothing.

Through it all, I don't think it changed me, although I AM more cynical than I would have been otherwise.

Steve



alex
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24 Feb 2007, 9:18 am

Authoritative


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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24 Feb 2007, 9:46 am

Mother: Authoritative
Father: Authoritarian/Authoritative



ProfessorX
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24 Feb 2007, 10:05 am

In regards to this post, I'll state for the record my mother had an authoritative style of parenting as, she did provide rules and disclipine but, was very kind & compassionate though :) . Now as far as my Ex-Communicated,Abusive Father :x :x Well, he chose an Authoritarian style acting like a tyrant, somewhere aliong the lines of a Stalin or Hitler in that I still to this very day can recall how, sitting at the breakfast table The Tyrant(my father) would stare down the table and point with his finger, and simply say,"If you don't eat everything on your plate, your not leaving the table."

This might sound like some sort of joke but, it's was not cause, there was one time I became so terrified by such that, I once fell asleep at the breakfast table whereby, The Tyrant thought it was funnny and laughed :x :( .Anyways, These days, I do my best to interact with other people and try to enjoy a life without feeling tormented.

There is little more I'd wish to say upon this however, may I say this post does make one think though. :wink:

Professor X



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24 Feb 2007, 10:17 am

Authoritative



Marrshu
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24 Feb 2007, 10:28 am

Did you intentionally make this post biased towards bad parenting styles? Because it sure seems that way...



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