About Yesterday - Did start off as a question

Post Reply New Topic

Ok. I sort of need to get this out. Not sure if it is ?autistic? or ?aspergers? or not but still.

Right! Yesterday I was supposed to be going on this trip with the primary school I am at placement with. I left on Monday night with the risk assessment I had to read and I was preparing myself for the trip because it wasn?t going to be a normal day.

So yesterday morning (Tuesday) I got up, got my water bottles (I had to take two, one that was frozen because we were going in the car and it was a warm day), got my change of clothes (due to the fact we were going to a farm) and I went out.

I was nervous. I thought children would be eaten by sheep and I would be blamed. I also felt stupid because I wasn?t in my uniform.
When I got to the school (I was actually a little excited I think). I was told that there was a change of plans. I had to stay behind because the school was short staffed.

I just? I don?t know. It?s fuzzy but I couldn?t process it. I wanted to cry. I was happy because farm?s smell and I didn?t want to smell them but I was sort of looking forward to it. I was prepared as well!

I had to go to a different class and as soon as that teacher spoke to me I just broke. I cried and couldn?t breathe. I managed to calm myself after that, but I was on the edge of doing it again pretty much all morning. Then I just felt drained, I was tired and unresponsive to any feeling-related stuff. I?m still like it a bit, I just feel exhausted but I?m not tired. I just want to lay in bed and stare at nothing. ?Wallow in my own self-pity? I guess.

I did have a question about all of this but I?m not sure what it was. Is this like a shutdown? I guess it isn?t meltdown criteria (although I don?t know in all honesty).

I feel like my ?newbie-ness? is showing through a lot. I know pretty much nothing and I have so many questions and I just want answers but no one is willing to give me not cryptic ones just yet! I?ve had enough.

you are in the right place here to have your questions answered.

are you saying that you were exited and prepared extensively to go to the farm, and cried because you found out you couldn't go?

i don't really have a lot of experience with meltdowns and breakdowns, but it seems to me like you were just devastated and dissapointed, which i can relate more to.

different WP members have different opinions to what is a meltdown and breakdown, maybe they can give you another perspective.

I often feel the same way as you did. You were completely prepared to go to the farm (you got everything ready and you mentally prepared) but then you found out that you would not be going, which threw you for a loop. You then had to change gears (in your mind) and shift to staying at the school. It's really hard when we specifically prepare for one thing and then find out that that is not what is going to happen. So I think the time and care that you took for getting ready to go to the farm, and then the abrupt change of plans was maybe too much and you became overwhelmed... which is understandable. I'm not sure it was either a meltdown or shutdown.. your mind/body may have just been overloaded and unable to quickly adapt to such a change.

That is pretty much exactly it nyxjord! It just knocked me out of place. Although I still don't feel like I'm back 'in place' so to speak.