Disabled autistic 25 and gay with homophobic legal guardian

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So here's the tiny shrunk version of a huge story. I'm from an incredibly dysfunctional family, especially my mothers.

Had a bad childhood, was held back in Kindergarden a year, and then in Fifth Grade... I was bullied so badly I couldn't visit my own fifth grade graduation and had to be homeschooled. Around this time my mother became my legal guardian. My mother is an incredibly prejudiced person, she's a radical right wing fundamentalist Christian, and she hates everybody who isn't a cis heterosexual Christian or a cis heterosexual Jewish person, anyone outside of those categories, she is extremely hateful and bigoted towards. She seems to believe that "Ex-autistic" people are a real thing, as well as talking about "Ex-gays who were saved by Jesus" or whatever. And she has often even gone on about how "God has cured me of being autistic", before remembering that I'm autistic again.

She is convinced I'm going to Hell, and considers it her duty to try to convert me at all costs as well. She doesn't know my sexual orientation, but then, I already know how she'd react. Since she is my legal guardian, everywhere I go, everything I do, I'm being monitered by her, and if I'm even an hour late home she freaks out, and starts talking about calling the police and such. It's an extremely painful situation to be in, in which my own mother, hates me in TWO different ways, and wants to "cure" me in TWO different ways.

And yes this HOMOPHOBE, whose like a modern day crusader, has the actual authority to call the cops if she isn't sure where I am for over a day, somewhere where she mostly knows what I am doing, and where she has the power to keep policing my life like this.

In short... I've come here because I'm desperate. I'm not okay at all with this situation, living with my mother is... Completely unbearable to me. I feel horribly trapped, and isolated, with no way out, I'm extremely desperate, and I just want to get out of this situation somehow. I'm currently on social security which according to my mother, relies on her being my legal guardian. I asked my mother "So why do I need a legal guardian? I'm probably intelligent enough to learn how to sign legal documents, and pay basic living expenses with that social security provides", and she said, that if I did end up being smart enough to do that, and I did that, that I'd lose social security.

I've also been thinking a lot of welfare lately, and if I could use it to get away from my mother without becoming homeless. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do? I'm pleading here, my parents keep saying that they're gonna be my legal guardians as long as they live, but I can't deal with that. I NEED to get out of this situation, and I feel so trapped.

Has anyone else been in similar situations? Any advice at all? I feel so frustrated, depressed, and afraid. And hearing of almost NO STORIES whatsoever, like my own has only made that much worse.

I badly want to talk to someone whose been in a similar situation, because I don't know what to do, and I feel rather hopeless at the moment, to possibly be doomed to this forever, something I'm not even sure I can life with, without... I don't know having a breakdown or something, I can't live like this, and certainly not until I'm like midage or whatever.

Is there another family member (or even a friend) who could and would assume guardianship for you? If your mother is legally your guardian (court order), it will be a little difficult to change that, but not impossible. All states have laws which prohibit abusive custodial relationships and most states would consider emotional abuse based on religion (and sexual orientation) to be a valid reason for revoking your mother's legal guardianship. One of your local disbility-rights groups or ACLU would know how to help you.

A lot of people do that. She's exploiting you. It's the same as people who file for social security in their dead relatives names, Or (as parodied by futurama) adopt for the purpose of collecting additional welfare. You can most likely petition for your own legal guardianship. Be aware that the social security disability you receive may not be enough to cover your basic needs, so you you need to do sufficient planning and research on your own before making a move to escape your situation.

Though, if you feel you are incapable of doing that you may be better off continuing to live under guardianship.

i know lots of people on social security who don't have guardians. your mom is poorly informed.

Are these people on social security for being autistic? Cause... IF that's the case then... I have some investigating to do, she insists that autistic people must have a legal guardian for social security, but she should be either wrong, or maybe even lying on purpose for all I know, as she might want me around to get extra income for social security as well.



Possibly, but I really really do not want a legal guardian at all, my mother just being particularly bad though.

She's either lying or misinformed. Are you the in United States? There should be a number for an organization that is called something like Older and Disabled Adult Services (the name may vary by region) in your phone book, near the beginning. If you can't find that, call the local Social Services office and ask for assistance for disabled adults. Or call 211 (local information) and ask for contacts for disabled adult services or legal services so that you can find out how to not have a legal guardian.

I think what everyone has posted so far is good advice. It does sound like your mother is lying or misinformed and is most certainly manipulating you. Contacting a civil rights group or social services is a great idea as they should be able to help you with the legalities of your mother's guardianship, social security, and finding a different place to live. Do you have any more moderate or liberal family members you could contact to help you deal with your mom on a personal level?

First off, *hug* because it sounds like you need it.


Second:

1) Autism can be treated. I've done it. See the link in my sig. It does not involve being saved by Jesus.

2) You and I and all the rest of the homos out there are gay for life. It can't be treated by Jesus or any other means. And really, I don't think I'd want it any other way.

Third:

Re: Social Security/Welfare - you need to contact people at these offices and ask them those questions. Find out if you're obligated to have a legal guardian or if you can simply receive a cheque in your name and carry on with life. It sounds like your parents may not be telling you the whole truth about whether you technically require them as legal guardians or not. This may be to control you. It may be that they're overprotective and fear for your safety and well being if you were on your own. It may be that they suspect you're gay and don't want you to be out in the world in a gay relationship and feel they can "help," you by keeping you in their home. Who cares why? If you want out, contact the people you need answers from regarding your income and support for survival and find out if you require your parents to even be involved at all. If not, you may have options.. i.e. to move out on your own and do your own thing.

Well that's a relief.

When I asked her why, she claimed that long ago she was forced to sign a paper, and we weren't allowed to get social security unless she has extended guardianship of me because of my autism. I asked her for proof of this, so I know she's just not making things up. Her response was that the paper stating this was gone long ago, and that we can't ask the government about this, or else they'll take it away or something like that.



Yeah I am, I should probably wait until I have my phone ready, and some privacy away from my parents maybe during a therapy session.



Thanks.





I long expected that, with my mother especially.



Yeah my mother is ridiculously overprotective, I also think though that if I lived elsewhere she wouldn't get as much money as she does now, so that may be another factor.



Actually, I suspect that's a big part of it



That's what I'm hoping for, even if it was just barely enough to survive and all, almost anything would be a step up from this.



I think I'm going to ask my therapist (I go to therapy at this LGBT place), to get a social worker who is hellbent on getting rid of the guardianship and getting me out of my parents control one way or another.
And no not really. My mothers entire family has rejected her, and rejected me as a result. My biological father and stepfathers family have major issues with fundamentalism, and the few moderate/more liberal individuals from the family are too caught up in their own issues to do much about my own.

I have no advice to give since I don´t know anything about the legal system in the US, but you seem to know what to do next. I just want to wish you the best in breaking free from your mother and living as independently as possible.

The way I read this, she is most definitely using you for the social security check. Your therapist is a good start for help getting out of this situation, and I wish you the best of luck.

At age 25 you are unambiguously an adult.

Unless there is a court order somewhere that has determined that you are incapable of managing your own affairs, then you have no legal guardian. A parent's presumptive role as guardian of her children ends at the point where those children become legally adult.

So if there is such a court order, your best course of action is to apply to the court that issued it for an order vacating that. Ideally you want a lawyer to help you with this, but that will depend upon your financial situation. You should be able to find services in your community that will connect you with lawyers that can help you on a pro bono basis, if you have no income and no assets.

If, however, there is no court order, then you are free to walk out the door tomorrow. She can call the police all she likes, but the police can and will do nothing unless there is a legal basis for them to interfere.

That being said, if you leave home, you are going to need a home of your own; a source of income and the means to provide for yourself. That can be a tall order if you have never done it before.

What you might prefer to look for is some help and support to allow you to better cope with your present situation, before you start trying to create abrupt changes that you might not yet be ready to undertake.

Social services is a very good place to start--they can connect you with the agencies that are in the best position to help you.

You need to get away from this abusive relationship. Just because you are autistic and dependent on welfare does not diminish your human rights, including the right to dignity and the expression of your own sexuality.

I was told a couple years ago by Social Security that you no longer need your "guardian"'s permission to take over your own disability payments if you go into the office and appear coherent and capable of managing your finances. I went in to ask about a friend in a slightly similar, though not nearly as bad situation as you are in and that's what a lady who works in the back office area at Social Security told me. He simply had to come in and tell them he wanted to take over his own check and that was it. Sadly he doesn't want to do that since his mom guilty trips him into staying.

Where I live we have an LGBT youth services, they might be able to point you in the right direction. You might also look in to a legal aid clinic. You've got a long road ahead of you but there are community resources out there.