dianthus wrote:
I always thought "hurt your feelings" is kind of a strange way to phrase it. I think when most people say "did I hurt your feelings?" they basically mean "did I offend you?" or "did I make you feel bad?" And if you are crying maybe they think they offended you
But this is how I look at it. To me feelings are different from emotions. It is having sensitivity to things. It's the way your nervous system takes in information, like sensory information, or non-physical information like vibes. Like when you walk in a room and you can just feel that people are upset or something weird is going on. That can make me feel upset or uncomfortable.
It may not have been what this guy said that made you cry, but something else you sensed about it, like you said the tone of his voice was a little aggressive, and there might have been something else you picked up on that didn't register consciously. Like for instance he might have been upset about something else that had nothing to do with you, but it came across in the way he spoke.
Plus if you are like me, I find it is most upsetting when a person's words don't match up to their non-verbal communication. Like if the person's tone of voice sounds aggressive or angry or upset, but their words don't reflect that, it is really confusing to me, and that confusion alone can make me upset. I don't feel "emotionally" upset, more like it just overwhelms my brain.
This also makes total sense to me. And what you said in your last two paragraphs makes even more sense. I am very much like you , Surprise!!
, in that if the tone does not match the words being said I get extremely confused. When we had talked about the situation I had told him that he had made me a little scared and that I had felt bad because I thought he was yelling at me for having done something bad. But he said that he had not been yelling at me at all and that we were 100% cool and good, He was just telling me that what I had done was not the appropriate time to have done that thing but there was nothing bad about it at all and that I should do it a a different time. But when he said it it came out in a gruff and aggressive kind of yell tone and it is very likely that he was just stressed about things that had nothing to do with me or with that particular conversation. But I had been frightened because I thought the tone and aggressiveness had been directed at me when it had not been.
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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph