What does it mean when someone hurts your feelings?

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skibum
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29 Jun 2014, 3:01 pm

What exactly does that mean? I have heard that so many times and someone asked me that the other day, if he had hurt my feelings. I have never really understood exactly what that meant though. I don't understand because how can my feelings feel things? I feel what I feel but do my feelings actually get hurt? I was hurt by what he had said to me but when he asked if he had hurt my feelings at first I said no and then I said I did not know because I was not sure how to tell.

When he said what he said it maid me cry but I am super sensitive sometimes so I think it was mostly because I was sensitive. His voice was a little aggressive but what he actually said was not something that should have made me cry. So I don't know if I was just being super sensitive or if it was because he said what he said that I cried. It's hard for me to tell. But he asked me later if he had hurt my feelings and I did not know the answer to that.


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Last edited by skibum on 29 Jun 2014, 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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29 Jun 2014, 3:03 pm

Getting you upset, making you feel bad about yourself. That is what it means to hurt your feelings.


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skibum
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29 Jun 2014, 3:10 pm

Thank you League Girl. That helps me understand it.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2014, 3:17 pm

You feel like you went to cry because of the hurt.



dianthus
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29 Jun 2014, 3:45 pm

I always thought "hurt your feelings" is kind of a strange way to phrase it. I think when most people say "did I hurt your feelings?" they basically mean "did I offend you?" or "did I make you feel bad?" And if you are crying maybe they think they offended you

But this is how I look at it. To me feelings are different from emotions. It is having sensitivity to things. It's the way your nervous system takes in information, like sensory information, or non-physical information like vibes. Like when you walk in a room and you can just feel that people are upset or something weird is going on. That can make me feel upset or uncomfortable.

It may not have been what this guy said that made you cry, but something else you sensed about it, like you said the tone of his voice was a little aggressive, and there might have been something else you picked up on that didn't register consciously. Like for instance he might have been upset about something else that had nothing to do with you, but it came across in the way he spoke.

Plus if you are like me, I find it is most upsetting when a person's words don't match up to their non-verbal communication. Like if the person's tone of voice sounds aggressive or angry or upset, but their words don't reflect that, it is really confusing to me, and that confusion alone can make me upset. I don't feel "emotionally" upset, more like it just overwhelms my brain.



skibum
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29 Jun 2014, 4:14 pm

Thanks Kraftie.


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skibum
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29 Jun 2014, 4:19 pm

dianthus wrote:
I always thought "hurt your feelings" is kind of a strange way to phrase it. I think when most people say "did I hurt your feelings?" they basically mean "did I offend you?" or "did I make you feel bad?" And if you are crying maybe they think they offended you

But this is how I look at it. To me feelings are different from emotions. It is having sensitivity to things. It's the way your nervous system takes in information, like sensory information, or non-physical information like vibes. Like when you walk in a room and you can just feel that people are upset or something weird is going on. That can make me feel upset or uncomfortable.

It may not have been what this guy said that made you cry, but something else you sensed about it, like you said the tone of his voice was a little aggressive, and there might have been something else you picked up on that didn't register consciously. Like for instance he might have been upset about something else that had nothing to do with you, but it came across in the way he spoke.

Plus if you are like me, I find it is most upsetting when a person's words don't match up to their non-verbal communication. Like if the person's tone of voice sounds aggressive or angry or upset, but their words don't reflect that, it is really confusing to me, and that confusion alone can make me upset. I don't feel "emotionally" upset, more like it just overwhelms my brain.
This also makes total sense to me. And what you said in your last two paragraphs makes even more sense. I am very much like you , Surprise!! :D, in that if the tone does not match the words being said I get extremely confused. When we had talked about the situation I had told him that he had made me a little scared and that I had felt bad because I thought he was yelling at me for having done something bad. But he said that he had not been yelling at me at all and that we were 100% cool and good, He was just telling me that what I had done was not the appropriate time to have done that thing but there was nothing bad about it at all and that I should do it a a different time. But when he said it it came out in a gruff and aggressive kind of yell tone and it is very likely that he was just stressed about things that had nothing to do with me or with that particular conversation. But I had been frightened because I thought the tone and aggressiveness had been directed at me when it had not been.


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CJH123
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29 Jun 2014, 6:09 pm

To feel pain or sorrow, basically if somebody has inflicted your feelings in a negative way aka caused you to cry that's the kind of response. I get what your saying iv always understood it myself but sometimes have been confused as to if or not they have hurt my feelings, Example would be if somebody talks about cancer I think about how many times my mum has had it and her stuggle and it makes me upset but if somebody asks 'have I hurt your feelings?' I woulf respond by saying that they had not and explain they reminded me of something that hurts my feelings but to me thats not necessarily thier fault unless they talked about the subject personaly to upset me.

Hope that helps :)



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29 Jun 2014, 6:42 pm

CJH123 wrote:
To feel pain or sorrow, basically if somebody has inflicted your feelings in a negative way aka caused you to cry that's the kind of response. I get what your saying iv always understood it myself but sometimes have been confused as to if or not they have hurt my feelings, Example would be if somebody talks about cancer I think about how many times my mum has had it and her stuggle and it makes me upset but if somebody asks 'have I hurt your feelings?' I woulf respond by saying that they had not and explain they reminded me of something that hurts my feelings but to me thats not necessarily thier fault unless they talked about the subject personaly to upset me.

Hope that helps :)
It does help thank you. And I am sorry to read that your mother is having such a struggle with Cancer. I will send loving and healing thoughts for her.


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CJH123
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29 Jun 2014, 7:09 pm

Thanks its ok atm but where constantly on the look out after she had it come back 4 times resulting in her having a mosectomy (idk if I spelt that right). But thanks for the kind wishes, glad I could also lend a hand :)



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29 Jun 2014, 8:09 pm

I stim and hide until I feel better.


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2wheels4ever
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29 Jun 2014, 11:09 pm

The first time I was asked if someone hurt my feelings I thought they said "Did I hurt your fillings?" - as in my insides. It felt just the same, so I replied in the affirmative


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KB8CWB
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29 Jun 2014, 11:54 pm

Best way NOT to get hurt is to shut your feelings off. Emotions are a waste of time and energy and tend to be more bother then they are worth!



skibum
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30 Jun 2014, 12:41 am

2wheels4ever wrote:
The first time I was asked if someone hurt my feelings I thought they said "Did I hurt your fillings?" - as in my insides. It felt just the same, so I replied in the affirmative
Your fillings! LOL! I thought you meant your teeth and I found that really funny. Then I reread your post a couple of times and understood when you said your insides. So Yeah, that would have the same effect.


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skibum
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30 Jun 2014, 12:42 am

KB8CWB wrote:
Best way NOT to get hurt is to shut your feelings off. Emotions are a waste of time and energy and tend to be more bother then they are worth!
Yeah. Some people can shut them off but I have never been able to. I am very emotional and feel things extremely deeply.


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01 Jul 2014, 11:30 am

The best way I can describe hurt feelings begins with the assumption that some one loves or cares about you. Hurt feelings come about when that individual does or says something that challenges that assumption. The pain that you then feel is the result of that assumption being challenged. You want to believe that person loves or cares about you, but when that assumption has been challenged an internal conflict is created that leaves you unsure of what you believe.