Now I know why I need an official diagnosis

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I can't seem to have a mature adult relationship. People think I am trying to use autism as an excuse for poor communication and immature behaviour. I am immature and a poor communicator. And there's really not a lot I can do about it. It's not an excuse. It's part of who I am, like green eyes, short legs and a fairly intelligent mind. Now that I know what my problem is, I can start over and this time know what I am and am not capable of.

I feel the same sometimes. Problem is, in my area, there aren't many places I can even go to begin the process.

It was hard for me to find someone who worked with adults even though I live in a major metropolitan area (Philadelphia)-- so I can see where it would be difficult. It's also bloody expensive, even with insurance because the providers are all out of network.

However,Mindsigh, you have to be prepared for those who will, despite your diagnosis, still think you're using it as an excuse. My supervisor (who is a good guy in general) says he doesn't think I'm "that bad." I forgive him because he's Chinese and his English and cultural knowledge of the USA is weak at times because he lives within a kind of Chinese enclave.

Nevertheless, I'm sure there are going to be those who think ill of you (or just deny the problem) no matter what. Hopefully those closest to you won't be among them. The rest you'll just have to deal with however you see fit.

Regretfully, I agree. My diagnosis was somewhat helpful in my workplace, but I didn't notice it change anybody's attitude towards me. Frankly I don't think the management were interested in doing anything more than cover their backs legally by cutting back on the kind of demands I'd whinged about in my diagnostic report. Many of the people I had to work with and for didn't even know about my diagnosis. I felt marginally less stressed than before because I knew my diagnosis would weaken their position if it ever came to a fight, but they continued to give me work that I couldn't reasonably be expected to complete within my normal working hours, and would leave it up to me to choose between working late and tackling them about it. What I wanted was for them to take a detailed interest in my condition and tailor the work accordingly, and they knew that, but they didn't do it. I felt excluded from participating fully in the job, and the stress and boredom was still so bad that I eventually quit.

As for relationships and social matters, there were those who were interested and sympathetic, and those who weren't, and the diagnosis made no difference. My wife moved out a few days after the DX, as if she'd finally realised that it was a brain-wiring thing and she could no longer hope to make me over by applying pressure.

In short, I think most people are either sympathetic to disability or they're not, and having a piece of paper to "prove" it changes little or nothing. They'll believe what they want to believe. A missing limb is hard to credibly ignore, but with an invisible disability, it's easy to pretend it's just a lazy jerk making the whole thing up and bolstering their argument with a wad of psychobabble from an unscrupulous shrink. I have family members who believe me but simply can't grasp what autism is. I don't even understand it myself very well, and there's no professional help unless I want to pay top dollar for it. My doctor's support has been limited to offering me antidepressants and sedatives if the need should arise.

I think a better way is to try as far as possible to find sympathetic, interested people who accept you as you really are, and to keep away from those who don't want to know.

Not that one wants to but one needs to be get a diagnosis for completely selfish reasons because we are left with no choice. It is all about improving your state of mind and possibly changing things to reflect the new knowledge about your self. You may or may not get sympathy or support, if you do great, but do not count on it.

I think of Aspies more as an invisible minority than those with an invisible disability-- although I definitely see the case for both. In either case, sensitivity is called upon and, to be slightly brutal about it, NTs do tend to be xenophobic.

I remember hearing Matthew Shepard's mother speak a few years ago and she said that it's hard for people who live in a metropolitan area and live with diversity every day to appreciate what it's like to live in a place like Wyoming, where 97% of the people are white. She wasn't defending her son's murderers, but putting the incident in context. You are fortunate if you live in or near most Western cities.



Absolutely agree with this. The single most important thing my Dx has done for me is give me, in the words of my psychologist, "A lens to re-examine my past and present life through." That alone was worth the hassle and expense.

Possibly NTs would measure up as more xenophobic than the disabled because the disabled tend to have first-hand experience of discrimination, which could lead them to identify better with groups who are different.


I don't doubt it. I have a little bit of experience of the backwaters of Arkansas. While I was impressed by the straightforward, clean-dealing nature of many of the locals (as compared with the dishonest, sleazy decadence of cities), I also saw evidence of the hideous small-town mentality of which you speak. One Aspie there, probably the nicest and most harmless person I've ever met, was pretty much driven from her rented home by the prejudice and supremacism of neighbours who were in cahoots with her landlord, and she (the Aspie) fears for the well-being of her gay son if he should ever try to settle in that area. Though having said that, even in California where he is now, his partner's mother has done her utmost to wreck her own son's chosen lifestyle, in the name of old-school Christianity, so I figure it's dangerous to generalise too much.

PS: Anybody interested in irony might do well to check out the offical State Motto of Wyoming. Though I gather Matthew's murderers only escaped the death penalty by the skin of their teeth, and will never be released from prison.