I have an HFA kiddo, and I think I just realized I'm an Aspi

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I know technically, Aspies don't exist anymore, but I started to wonder about myself recently. I'm new here. My son just turned six. He was diagnosed HFA at 3.5. He is in mainstream kindergarten with an aide, and he is thriving.

Recently, we have been doing some ABA therapy. My approach to my son has always been to respect what adult autistic people have to say about their experience and base any therapy on that, so I was extremely skeptical about ABA. However, in our case, it has helped him to manage some of his anxiety. He doesn't really stim, but if he did, I would object to it being normalized, after reading stuff here and other places. But there's nothing like that. He is just learning not to be totally aggressive and to manage stress.

Watching his progress in terms of managing his own emotions made me realize how much anxiety I have. I have a few little OCD habits as well. And then last night, I stayed up until 5:00 a.m., learning how to landscape a drought resistant garden. Totally new interest, and like many of my new interests, it takes over. I watched my dad go through so many of these types of things. He was an autodidact in many areas. He taught himself to fix motorcycles, program computers, and other things. We suspect he is also HFA, as he is conversationally such an awkward person. And that's how it will be with me sometimes. My husband kids me about it. I get on these kicks with certain interests, and I have to learn all about these things. Then, I'll switch.

I finally put this all together last night and Googled "Adult Women Aspergers". I am 45 years old, and I never suspected this about myself until recently. But then I heard that it presents differently in women, and I became curious. I read a few things and just laughed at how much these descriptions sounded like me. However, I'm slightly skeptical, since you know, astrological descriptions sound like me, too. If you write anything broadly enough, a lot of people will fit that description. But I believe that many adult women must be on the spectrum and just never have been diagnosed. I have gone through my entire life being so purposeful in conversations, editing myself constantly. I have always had friends--one or two close friends. And my husband seems kind of Aspie as well.

I feel so proud of it, really. I want my son to grow up with a sense of pride as well. I love him and his differentness. He is slightly language delayed and developed speaking through echolalia--gestalt language processing, I believe some people call it. But he's such a wonderful kid.

Anyway, I would like information about getting myself diagnosed, as a adult. I don't know if it's necessary or helpful in any way. But if it's possible to know, I feel like it would explain soooo much about my own history. And it would calm me down about my son. I'm glad there are resources available to help him manage his emotions, but I never want him to feel like there is something wrong with him. I think there are so many positive things about being HFA. I just hope he's able to support himself when he grows up, since I'm not really interested in having a kid living with me until he's 30..... That's probably my biggest concern.

Julie

And that skepticism is correct, it's true that people can see themselves in broad descriptions of personality traits. And the female aspie traits are so broad and general that probably most people can see themselves in it. Which is probably why posts like that are unsurprisingly frequent on here.

A lot of posters have said the exact same thing.

Welcome to Wrongplanet.

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Welcome to Wrong Planet!

And whether you're full-fledged Spectrum or merely a 'bridge person' so to speak, in my book either way you are welcome. And you are absolutely welcome as a parent of a child on the Spectrum.

For yourself, I might suggest that you start looking at sensory issues. Now, if someone had asked me fifteen years ago if I had sensory issues, I might have said no. Yes, I was aware that I was bothered more than average by repetitive movement in my peripheral, especially if it's stupid, pointless computer movement, not respectful of the user, or a buzzing fluorescent light, but I rather thought of myself as an artist type personality. And as far as avoiding chemical smells, I thought of that as not good for anyone's health and bad for my allergies. But these are sensory issues.

Please note that sensory issues have been under-emphasized in DSM-4, and probably 5 as well, and they shouldn't be.

I agree and to the OP: it doesn't sound to me like you have ASD but you might have autistic traits without having the full disorder, a lot of parents and siblings of autistic kids do.

In any case, welcome to WP. =)

* sounds like you're "on the right track" (with your reseach)

* "take your time" (don't rush) researching, or you'll end-up like I did: "burnt out" (cuz [maybe
just-like you], when i research something, I tend to "go 'full throttle'" and "max out").

* YOU know yourself -- and your SON (and family) -- best -- better than any doctor or test
could, so just trust yourself to continue to make strong, good, family decisions.

* I'm new to asd, too (undiagnosed) (last-October), so I can maybe understand some of your
excitement and questions. Lots of people on here will probably "shed some light" on things,
so search this sight well and, in particular, seek-out posts written by adults. I've enjoyed the
"In-Depth, Adult-Life Discussion" forum.

* Continue to "keep an 'open mind'" as you read lots-&-lotsa info (and opinions) and then, over
time, you should be able to better "connect the dots", as far as what types of info & opinions
are going to be most helpful.

* It's great that your son has various family-members who both care about him and (may even)
understand him!

Thanks for posting and "Welcome"

I'm undiagnosed as well. 42 Male, married, son who just turned 8 has a diagnosis of PDD-NOS but I think her's more Aspergers. I think I am as well. Not sure where you live but I would start with a n internet search, for example I live in the USA in Illinois. If you google Illinois + Autism a few sites pop up and you find their is a Autism Illinois site with a number you can call and get info, referrals, etc. I learned this the hard way. Initially I reached out to some counseling centers who all told me, "sure we deal with ASD all the time" 3-4 sessions in they would tell me thay had no idea how to diagnose or help me, so do some legwork, find a reputable place and start there. You may also want to look for clinics or hospitals that have a department of Neuroscience. I have found that those typically are the most experienced in dealing with ASD. Unfortunately however I have also learned that getting a formal diagnosis can be pricey. I'll be paying $1500 next month to go through a battery of tests with the Neuroscience department of a local hospital next month to get a formal diagnosis.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!