Coming Out

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HI, I was wondering what was it like coming out and what was people's reaction when you did? I am coming out today at family lunch and I am scared s**tless of telling them I am bi but it has been eating at me for years. I got tired of pretending to be someone I am not since I have a religious family I thought about not telling them and just let them guess because this is all too much for me. What should I do?

Hi AspieBeauty87,

did you come out to your family yesterday? How did it go?

I'll not share my coming out story here, as it's quite a sad one. My mom is very religious, too. What ever I've gone through since I came out I still think it was a good decision to tell her about it, as I, just like you, was awfully tired pretending.

My parents ended up canceling saying they have to "work" on that day. I don't know why... It makes me think it's my fault but that's what happened.

I've come out to various people in my life over the past couple years.

For my parents & older brother, a couple of Summer's ago I drank a couple bottles of wine & built up enough liquid courage to tell them I'm gay. I used a close friend of mine as an example and said I like how he lives his life so.. freely, w/o hiding who he is, and I want to be more like that. They were all cool with it. My older brother told me that when I left the room my dad told him that he was shocked as he expected that if he was going to hear that from one of us he expected it to be my twin brother because of all the fancy stuff he likes.

My mom spilled the info to my sister and sister inlaw, which I was cool with. My sister was apparently upset that I didn't feel I could tell them/her all my life. Sorry, it's not up to her how I felt about it. She's never said anything to me about that and I've never said anything to her.

I had to come out to a bunch of old coworkers during a work related verbal sexual harassment allegation... and while that was tough coming out to a bunch of rough tough guy ironworkers, I learned that not a single one of them gave a flying f**k about it & that people are a LOT more tolerant than you might guess. Because this whole situation is known to some long time acquaintances, a circle of old high school friends has found out about it as I said it was OK for them to discuss as it just made it easier for me vs. coming out to them - and they're all cool with it. One of them and his wife I had come out to earlier, though.

Came out to another friend and his wife before that, and they were super cool with it. And another friend and his wife before them, and they were also super cool with it - although he's known since high school when I used to have a major crush on him. His wife seemed genuinely surprised.. but cool with it.

Also, a few years ago I was in a situation where I kind of had to come out to a family friend.. and he was the last person I'd expect to have a favourable reaction to it since he's such a guy's guy kind of guy, but over all his was the best possible reaction - nothing but love and acceptance and encouragement for me to do whatever makes me happy.

Came out to a couple of my cousins when it was relevant as they were discussing one of their kids coming out to them. One was surprised, as she's a close cousin of mine, and I simply said she didn't need to know before.. and that's true, wasn't like I was going to be having sex with my cousin lol so she didn't need to know. But I guess she felt a little insulted that I didn't tell her earlier.

I have Not come out to all of my extended family/friends etc, but am ever more so "comfortably out," all the time. Eventually I'd like to be in a relationship and at that point anyone who doesn't know will know and if they react negatively, well, f**k 'em, I don't need negativity in my life. I have most certainly not come out to my grandmother or uncle because they're both homophobes and would not likely take it very well. They don't need to know.. but if they did find out I wouldn't care that much, as it is what it is and if they don't like it meh whatever.

Overall, pretty much everyone has been super cool about it. It may sound really cliche... but: It gets better.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

When I came out to my best friends, they said it didn't change how they thought about me or saw me at all. I'm still their friend and gay, bi, trans, whatever; they'd accept me.

When coming out to my 18 year old sister, she was thrilled for me as she always suspected that I was/ am a lesbian and she was thoroughly excited that I had begun to accept and acknowledge my sexuality.

My mother was less than thrilled. She initially blamed my being a victim of sexual assault for my attraction to women (my abuser was male). To this day (I came out to her about a year ago) we still have some arguments about it. She is suspicious whenever I am out or spending the night with a female friend and practically interrogates me about it when I return home.

My father (divorced from my mother and remarried) has essentially shut me out, not wanting my youngest sister (she's 8 years old) to be exposed to anything even hinting at homosexuality. He believes that my sexuality is a choice and that if I want to be around that part of my family, I need to start dating men despite the fact that I experience no romantic attraction to them whatsoever.

So, the reaction you get from your family may vary from person to person. I certainly hope that sharing my experience helps you out and gives you a better idea of what to be prepared for

Well, update: I rescheduled the lunch and came out on a Thursday to my mother and just bypassed my dad because he just doesn't understand me. He hasn't been there much but my mom didn't take it well so I just stayed recluse to myself and not bother coming out anymore. I cannot wait to move because my family just doesn't get me, I'm a big disappointment to them so I figure I should just find my own space and date who I want and be who I want. If I want to dress like a man sometimes or dress like a girl it's what I want to do I have that right and freedom.

I don't believe in 'coming out.'
I understand it is important for others and I respect that, what others need to do, they need to do. But what I don't like is disrespect in return, others telling me I have to 'come out' and it's unhealthy and dishonest not to.
I prefer for others to read whatever it is they see, and decide what it is I am to them. If the person next to them has a different opinion, all the better. I never do well with so called 'labels' and giving them to myself seems counterproductive. I would not be comfortable forcibly telling someone else what their own perception and interpretation is. Thus, I have never 'come out' and don't intend to.

I just want to be free and open with people (preferably family) but apparently not everybody wants to be open and honest to their selves.I understand that.

When I came out as bisexual to my sister, I had to do it in a manner in order to avoid any conflict with my mom, who despite working alongside LGBT people at her work, has a strong hatred for LGBT people.

Question: How common is it for homophobes to stay in the closet as LGBT? I'm not trying to offend anyone.

I came out to my sister first, but she wasn't surprised at all. (She rarely is. She also 100% suspects me to be autistic when my parents won't believe it for a minute.) Thankfully she had my full support and was even my matron of honor at my wedding.

My father actually asked me directly, "Are you gay?" And instead of denying it like I did as a teen, I finally put on a wary smile and said yes. He told me he'd known for a while and wasn't upset, because it wasn't as if I could help it. He hates that I'm Pagan and not Christian like the family, but he doesn't mind me being a lesbian.

My mother was absolutely heartbroken. She'd spent so much time denying it while I was growing up that when I finally admitted it to her she broke down sobbing and accused me of ruining my own life. She flat out told me "I wish you had some kind of disease instead, so that way we could have more of a chance to fix the problem." She kept saying things like "You're just confused" and "J (my girlfriend at the time, now wife) is just manipulating you." Needless to say I REALLY shouldn't have told her during a car ride home. I left them pretty fast and didn't end up speaking to my mom for three months straight. When my wedding came around a year and a half later, she begrudgingly attended because my dad pressured her, and then only stayed to talk to relatives. She didn't even smile in the family pictures.

Everyone else I'm not afraid of telling anymore. Most people know better than to throw accusations my way because my wife is terrifyingly vindictive when she catches on to someone persecuting me. Even my coworkers and supervisor know, and they don't mind.

In the end I wish we didn't have to "come out" and could just love whoever we please and have people be happy for us in the end. Most of my family is okay with it and seemed very happy at my wedding. It was mainly my mother who really struggled with the news (that wasn't really news to begin with. I mean hell, I dress like a boy, I swagger, and I shave my head. Is it really THAT much of a surprise that I'm butch? XD)

Well i guess i never had a real "full" coming out. Or at least not what you would expect of. At first i came out to a coworker who is bisexual himself, and he thought i was kidding him at first. Then i came out to my only friend, who totally didnt care. I am who i am, so what - he said. At last i came out to my mom in a letter, but more as a "angry byproduct" of that letter. Things were different then and i was so angry at her that i wrote something like "Just look how much lack of trust there is that i really didnt wanted to tell you that im bi for almost 8 years now." wich is exactly how i felt. I knew she wouldnt make a big deal out of it as she told me as a kid that she wouldnt care if i turn out gay (maybe a strange thing to say to a kid?) but i just didnt WANT to tell her. Never even got a reaction to that letter. So im probably out by now, anyone who needs to know knows it, and thats it i guess. Nothing is really different. Im still just me, i dont dress "confronting", i dont act any different. If i dont tell someone, no one suspects it. But at least i dont need to hide it anymore if someone asks.

Peace
TK

Several years ago, my mom forced me to never see my old LFA friend again because she thought he was gay. Even now, she has never apologized about it. However, the irony about it is that whenever my sister's BFF {who herself is bisexual} comes to visit, my mom views the sexual orientation of my sister's BFF like her sexual orientation is nothing to worry about.

My straight GF has a lesbian roommate and as much as I'd like to introduce both my GF and her roommate to both my mom and my sister, I'm afraid something may go wrong when they meet for the first time.