Hi, i'm 18 and about to head off to college. I've suspected for about 2 years now that I might have some form of mental disorder, and the more research I've done the more I suspect I might have a mild case of aspergers. However, I really don't like the idea of going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed, im afraid because l don't like being analyzed or talking about how I feel and the idea of it freaks me out. I'm afraid to tell my parents or friends what I suspect, I feel like they might not take me seriously. I've felt different since i moved in middle school and I thought it was just normal middle school drama, but I found that my friends thought alot of things I do are strange, like when I would find something new and become obsessed with it, having to show all my friends. I remember several sleep overs where I would play the same song over and over again of a new singing group or band I had found and it was all I wanted to talk about. It took me about 2 years before I realized that this was strange and stopped. And it was all kinds of things like that, not knowing when to talk in a conversation so I would accidently interrupt people, or not knowing what to say. I also have really bad reactions to people not listening to me. Sometimes I can play it off and stay calm but other times I get so upset that I have to clench my fists, put my head in my arms, and breath in and out so that I don't start screaming. Anytime I'm in social situations where I have to meet new people in a group I start to shake and stutter when i talk because I get so anxious, I tap my fingers in a 4 beat pattern to try and calm down. I don't know how long I'm supposed to look people in the eye, so often times I just stare at them so I don't seem rude but then they start to become uncomfortable and look away. Nobody else around me seems to have this problem. I've never liked to speak in front of people and I avoid it at all costs when possible. I also beat my hands on my legs, pace, and have imaginary conversations with famous people and my friends (they're not hallucinations just scenarios I play through in my head) when I'm alone in my room. I also have a compulsion to connect all the corners on walls and windows to each other with straight lines, most rooms I walk into I find all the ways I can connect them, I've never actually followed through with it, though several time i have fought the urge to find a marker, but I fear that my family will think I'm insane. I've worked very hard over the past few years to appear normal in front of people, the only time I let myself have meltdowns is when I'm alone, and when I feel like I'm about to lose control in public I tap in my pocket or wiggle my feet. Sorry for the longevity of this post it was hard to get all these thoughts down. I guess what I really want to know is if this sounds like aspergers to people who actually have been diagnosed with this. I just would like to have some answers and to know that other people understand.
11 Jul 2014, 12:56 am
welcome to the club 
some of what you mention reminds me of my own tourettes, I believe that online tests can at least point you in the right direction.
