My gf isn't..... UGH!!

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This is so frustrating!! The girl that I'm with right now wants to merry me when we're older. I love her to death and her personality is very much a 9/10. but there are a few problems. She is NOT good looking. Her hair does not suit her face AT ALL and she is quite overweight and it's just not sexy at all. I like girls with long and straight hair. Not only is her hair not like that but the style she IS using doesn't match her face. PERIOD! I see all these hot girls at school and I'm just like "why can't Morgan be like that?" I love her personality but I'm just not physically attracted to her. Ik I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but tattered books are gonna get left on the shelf. My instincts are telling me to leave her and find the girl of my dreams but I just don't know.... what do I do?

you could ask her to change her hair. looks fade. personality is more durable. that said, if there's zero physical attraction, you're not doing her any favors holding her in a relationship that's going nowhere. let her find someone who can love her.

I do love her... I love her with all I am.. it's just that I see all these other really hot girls and I suddenly feel like I'm lowering myself by staying with her.

you'd be lowering yourself if she were abusive or neglectful. do you think someone is less of a person due to their looks? if she's not less of a valuable person, how are you lowering yourself? perhaps you're just too young to be making a "forever" commitment. tell her you need to play the field. you may decide to come back to her after dating others if she's still available. or you may not.

Fair enough. Point taken. But think about the following.

1. Is she your first girlfriend?
2. How difficult was it for you to find her and/or get her to like you?
3. If you break up with her, how long will it take you to find another girlfriend, if at all?
4. Are you good at meeting and talking to women in general?
5. Do your friends even care that your girlfriend is, as you put it, "unattractive"?

First of all, for most aspie men, myself including, their first girlfriend is oftentimes not their dream girl and almost certainly not a supermodel. (Stereotypically hot girls usually go for charming, good-looking NT guys.) If it took you a lot of effort to find this girl, it'll probably take you a long time to find your next girlfriend too. You'd be letting go of a sure thing in favor of vague hope for someone better, who may not come at all. That's a stupid mistake to make. Also, if you usually have trouble meeting girls, your friends should be happy for you no matter who you date. If they give you a hard time over it, just tune it out. Then stop hanging out with them if their teasing, good-natured or not, starts to cross the line.

You're 17. Chances are, you won't be marrying this girl. Most teenage relationships end in a break-up, or simply run their course as both parties get older. Enjoy this relationship you have, first one or not. Heck, you're doing better than I did: I found my first girlfriend at age 18, in college, and she was also someone I didn't find attractive. I'd sell my soul to have had a girlfriend in high school; attractive or not, I couldn't care less. Now that I think about it, not having had a girlfriend in high school---when hormones run wild, feelings run high, and those who get dates all learn from each other---pretty much destroyed my ability to have any kind of romantic feelings for women. I still date them, kiss them, and get intimate with them, but it's all mechanical: at 18, and at 31.

There's a well-known Russian saying: "The worst enemy of something good, is something better". In other words, you will lose the good (or good enough) relationship you already have while in pursuit of a better one, which you might not find at all.

Stop for a second and think about how she might feel if she knew you felt this way, or that you would describe her, to strangers, as a 'tattered book'.

Is there perhaps a flaw in how you're thinking about women, your relationship to them, and what dating is about?

Why are you dating her in the first place if you're not sexually attracted to her?

Lowering yourself in whose eyes?

If he's not attracted to big girls he can't help that. If she wants to loose weight or not, that's her choice. I do agree it doesn't make any sense for him to e dating someone he isn't attracted to though.

Just don't rush into anything. Maybe she's not even as big as you think. I can be attracted to slightly bigger/American average girls(slight gut). You might be different though. Maybe you could just suggest she can change her hair style. "Hey hun, I think you would look really cute with long hair." Maybe you can tell her something like that. Just don't say "Hey your hair looks stupid." lol. I used to be really picky as a teen and now I'm no where near as picky. I won't go out with a woman that's 90kg(200 pound) , but some fat is fine. Now in my life I'm more worried about a woman doing certain things rather than her looks. Good women are hard to come by, since most of them are already with someone. You may breakup and then come to realize you've made a mistake. Just weigh all your opinions carefully.

This girl deserves someone who doesn't view being with her as lowering themselves. Go.

Um that makes no sense. I don't think you would know what love was if it slapped you across the face.



Agreed.

Do her a massive favour and break up with her. She deserves someone better.

If you aren't attracted to her you shouldn't even be dating her in the first place. Why are you?

Teens....

You remind me of the other member who said she loves her bf(now ex) despite he's fat - relationships can never work with such stances.

And no, you don't love her.

Troll.

Smells like flame-bait.

Locked.

--XFG (moderator)