People read me wrong

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https://www.inkling.com/read/dummies-bo ... -deception

From the fidgeting, the hand movements, the fact that I think I'm smiling, and I look in the mirror, and I'm not. The almost constant crooked smile, lack of will to use facial muscles. Poor eye contact, and the usually slow monotone voice, that suddenly goes fast and gets loud over the littlest things that excite me. It is no wonder people read me wrong. If what these people are saying is true for most people, they surely must think I am a constant lier. At least it is a good read to help figure out others out who are not like me. From the looks of this read, I would say most people are generally fake and lie many times throughout every day. Depending on the circumstances, changing from one lie to another. I on the other hand probably do it a whole lot less, but my expressions paint a different picture for others to read wrong. Weird.

Can you relate?

Yep....people always misinterpret me.

They think I'm angry when I'm not.

They think I'm happy when I'm not.

Etc, etc.

Yeah, people are always misreading me. I either look overly still or I fidget and have darting eyes, so I look suspicious.

same...
most of the time people either think im lieing because of little to no eye contact, and the difficulties i have in speaking and getting things out that arent already "scripted".
and people think im calm and not anxious at all when i really am very anxious.
i dont cry when people think i should, i smile when im nervous(or when im not stuck inside myself). and giggle at moments that are serious, but things like "you still know where i stand on this" being said over the phone to me, brings an instant image to mind of the person standing on the phone while trying to keep balance".
i havent found a remedy for any of this yet, im honestly still stuck at the fundamentals and basics of socialization...

Me too. I hate not knowing what 'messages' I'm apparently putting across.

I also would love to know how to explain to people that what they see in my facial expression is often not what they think it is, because it probably would mean something else on an NT face. But on my face, it's often a much milder form of whatever they think I'm feeling. For example, mild startlement apparently looks like abject terror. Concentration or the mildest feeling of annoyance looks like I'm about to lash out in a rage at someone for irritating me.

Either that, or they will see something quite different on my face than what I am feeling. When I'm bored, I look like I'm cross or sad. When I get in trouble for something, and I don't understand what was wrong with whatever I did, authority figures see rebellion when I'm feeling contrition and humility and trying to show outwardly that I am submitting to their authority and listening to their reprimands and directives. I can be really, truly happy, and look like I'm just content. And if I try that fake, social smile thing, I look either pained or manic.

This is especially so when people are angry with me. I'm genuinely confused, hurt, upset and often completely bewildered at what is wrong--what I did that was so bad they are upset with me. But when they look at my face, and I use words to try to explain what happened from my point of view, or how they have misinterpreted my intent--they really blow up. They think I'm trying to manipulate them, or the situation, because the look on my face or my body language or my tone of voice conveys a different message from my words. But my words are almost always honest. I don't even understand what my face and voice are doing a lot of the time, but I am almost always in control of the words I choose to use. But people don't believe me, because the non-verbal communication signals something different.

Like the head tilt thing--I do it when I'm curious, when I want to understand better, when I want more detailed explanation. But to other people it looks like I'm deflecting, lying, or doubting what they say.
And the eye contact--I try, oh my goodness how I try.
But then I consciously start trying to develop what Attwood calls "Theory of Mind," and I can't concentrate on the words being spoken to me. Only on the appearance of their eyes and faces, and what the tiny movements mean to everybody NT, though they don't mean a thing to me.

Where is help to be found for this?

^^^ you are better at explaining this than I. I have an issue with that theory "theory of mind" thing. For me it seems like a one way street. To say I have a problem, or don't understand something, because of the way NT's interpret things, is not a fair accusation. Every time I read about it, or someone tries to explain it to me, it is like I have some stubborn splinter in my mind. Like somehow it has wronged me. If there is any help for this, it's probably going to come from self. I have never heard of it anyways. After all, it is just a matter if interpretation. People can be very wrong about it.

i often look upset.
most of the time i am, but i could be happy too.

I can't recognize my own voice tone, emotions, or facial expressions. People avoid sitting next to me on the bus because I think my facial expression gives them the impression that I'm mad when I'm not. I just don't feel comfortable talking to strangers because it's awkward.

I have worked very hard to overcome what they call alexithymia, where you don't have the vocabulary to talk about your feelings. My problem is that when I talk about my feelings, I am not believed because my words don't match my nonverbals, and NT's will always believe the nonverbals over the words. I think this is probably because they are much better at lying than Autistics, even HFA's are. I read that Aspies feel greater loyalty to the truth than to the feelings of others, and that's why we can be so blunt and honest and hurt people's feelings so easily.

I go blue in the face trying to tell people that they are wrong about what I'm feeling, or what I was feeling when I said something that hurt their feelings. Then, in the course of the ensuing argument, they're sure they know better than I do. They believe in their own interpretation of my emotions, because of whatever they see in my face. Is that what dysthymia is, RaspberryFrosty? Does that mean having wrong or inappropriate emotions? Or would it be dyslexithymia? Where the wrong emotions don't match the words you're using to describe your feelings?

Sorry, I love languages and dissecting the words etymologically comes naturally to me.

It's a depressive disorder.

Dys-difficulty with
thymia-condition of mind.

Literally difficulty the condition of mind. I like word origins as well and it's probably because of my NLD. Lol.

People read me wrong the same way. I have been told that some people don't talk to me because they thought I was stuck up because I didn't talk much and I tell them I kinda don't know what to say alot of times so I just stay quiet to avoid embarrassment.

i get the stuck up thing too. i tend to avoid people i know but am not close to, when i'm in public, so i don't have to go through the painful process of small chat. people take it as a snub. even though i have no intention of rudeness at all.

I get this too, exactly! Only for me it's not so much that I don't know what to say. Usually I have something I'd like to say, but by the time I've composed it in my mind, analysed it, edited it according to my feeble attempts at predicting how it will be perceived, and gotten up the courage to actually say it--the discussion has moved on and my input is no longer relevant!

It's another one of those nonverbal cues--knowing when it's your turn to talk, knowing when you can interrupt without making the NT's mad at you, and just knowing automatically what to not say because if you're NT you know that it will offend or embarrass somebody.

RaspberryFrosty, what's NLD? I'm really slow to pick up acronyms. I'm a sesquipedalian, so I'd usually rather write out the long term than abbreviate it with an acronym!

Nonverbal learning disorder

People are used to dealing and interacting with others that are more LIKE them. When you are slightly different, only those that are different also will relate to you. The problem is when people start assuming that the world is against them or that they are strange. We are a lot like animals and tend to hang out within our own species.
I have been to places and situations where everyone is talking to one another and completely ignoring my existence. I used to take this personal thinking that there was something wrong with me. Today, as I am more mature and older, I realize that people who do not "connect" with you at all levels, will always display this type of behavior. Yet, when I meet people with like-minds, it's like finding soul mates. I always look for people that have more in common with me in order to develop friendships. It's useless to try to make friends with people that don't really have much in common with you, they will come and go. They will seek out others that are more like them.
It's just the way we are built as human beings.