People often think I am asexual, is that normal?

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Ever since I was young I was taught to be very cautious with girls, mostly because of religion. Don't date before you're 16, only go on formal dates (not necessarily formal activities, but as in formally ask the girl out and be very gentlemanly), try to stay away from serious relationships while young, don't be alone with girls, don't be passionately involved, etc. etc. etc. Well all that, combined with seeing my older siblings get in trouble for not doing these things, and the fact that I am self-diagnosed with Asperger's means I have always been very withdrawn and basically never talked to girls. But I am still attracted to them physically, I just have never had any interest in dating or even being friends with any of them (except one, who ended up just using me).

So I don't take any girls on dates anymore, all the dates I have been on were because I was pressured to do so by adults, telling me I need to "gain valuable experience". Well I can honestly say I have learned absolutely nothing, other than that if you like a girl she might end up using you, even if she seems like she's really nice at first.

For some reason, to my great confusion, I've had many people ask if I'm gay, including family members (some of them still wonder too, though I have repeatedly told them it's not true). Or people ask me why I'm not interested in girls, or tell other people I'm not interested in girls. That makes me sound like I don't like them at all. I definitely do like girls. I just can't have good relationships with them, even as friends, so why should I bother making a fool of myself? Maybe later in the future I will find someone I can relate to, but that has yet to happen, so I don't see the point in dating girls I know I don't like other than for looks. Has anyone else had similar problems?

If you are attracted to girls physically, then you are attracted to girls. Unless you are actually wondering about your own sexual preferences, having other people think you are gay does not mean you are gay.

In modern times most young guys are actively dating, unless they are shy, or too busy, or gay. People don't seem to understand it when someone has enough control over their physical desires to be able to say "I like women, but now is not the right time". It's something that has long been lost, and in modern America and U.K it's practically unheard of.

If you WANT a girlfriend though, don't be afraid to make friends with girls just because one hurt you. I know it's really hard dealing with being used by people (I have also experienced it, most have at one point or another), but don't lose hope in all humanity just because of one bad apple. Speaking as a girl, I can say I would never do that to a guy, and I hope you realize not all women are like that. Many women after all are afraid of just being used for sex, but they still don't hate all men.

Also, I'm of the personal attitude that people should take relationships slower than they tend to nowadays. So knowing there are guys who are polite and respectful on dates is a good thing to hear.

asexuality isnt so black and white.

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.ph ... A_/_Grey-A

Grey asexual people are asexual for the most part, but experience sexual attraction to very few people. i actually went ten years without being interested in anyone AT ALL.

It does come back, you just have to meet the right person.

Hmm, interesting insight from my mother who never doubted that i was straight. She told me that i was just picky.

As for being gay, ive been accused of being gay.

It's like, if you don't go around going after every female you see, then common level of intelligence people think the absence means something. And that kind of simple person has only one other label they can put on you, lack of chasing after girls obviously means gay.

Dont worry about it, it just means that you live around people that arent very insightful.

I think it's fine taking your time to meet the right person. (Or one person in that small percentage who's right for you)

I think it is typical (or at least not unusual) for a male with AS. People assume you are gay if you do not actively seek a sexual or romantic relationship. I have had the exact same experience. It caused me much pain when I was younger. People tend to give you less of a hard time about it as you get older though.

Also, if you don't think you're ready for a relationship right now, don't worry about it. Perhaps you will be ready for it when you are older. We tend to mature socially much at a much slower rate than our peers. From what I have read from AS experts, many guys with AS don't start dating until they are in their 30's.

Yup, I'd agree with the others, only date when you are ready to. I think there alot of us out there who don't really want to date people who we don't feel a strong connection with whereas people in general date whoever they think is good looking and available, so we can seem a bit strange to them.

And don't avoid all women because one hurt you. She's just one person. Not everyone will treat you that way. It's probably a good idea to hang around with women in a group setting. Maybe you and a couple of male friends can go out with a couple of female friends and go for a meal or bowling or something and get to know each other better that way. I'm not suggesting this for the purpose of finding a date, but to get to know women on a personal level. We are not really all that scary. We're just people too. You may find women have more in common with you than you think. Don't wait for other people to inivite you. Be the one to make the suggestion and just ask some friends of both sexes along.

I think my family find me a bit odd because I am still single in my 30s. I just haven't met someone I want to have a relationship with (who likes me back). It's just more complicated for some of us. I find men attractive, but I can hold back and wait for someone I actually want to spend time with and talk to rather than just diving into a relationship with someone I find physically attractive, but have nothing in common with.

You are not alone.

It can some time to find someone that suits you, take your time and do not give in to the pressure that you need to always date. Do what makes you happy I'm 21 and I have never had a serious relationship.
I was also called gay by the mere fact I didn't have a girlfriend all the time. This never offended me because being gay is a normal human characteristic for me. Turns out I'm gay tho, but it wasn't the fact that I didn't have a girlfriend that this happened or because I'm shy, hahaha. To sum it up, I think you shouldn't let them tell you what to do.