I think I'm just unininteresting

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I don't think I really have any traits that someone of the opposite sex would take a fancy to. I really don't know how to delve much further into that. It's a Cameron conundrum, for those of you who haven't seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off I'm referring to when Ferris is talking about Cameron and he mentions "...Cameron's never been in love, well at least no one has been in love with him." That's the easiest way to explain it, I haven't met another girl who's had any form of interest in me (at least in the way I'm thinking of). Honestly who'd blame them? I don't have a very exciting job, I'm on the verge of getting kicked out of school, still no car, and I'm less of a closet case, more of a warehouse case. I've tried connecting with other women through my own interests (history, gaming, writing etc.), but still the problem persist, and that is no woman would fancy me enough to want to build some sort of romantic involvement. I go back to school soon though so hopefully I'll have the chance to work on talking to girls, and flirting among other things. Still though, it's tough for me to through each day feeling like this, it makes me feel like less of man.

You need to start addressing internal problems first like social anxiety and improving the functionality of your body.
I am at the same stage. Some times I can talk to people and sometimes I can't, addressing it is the first step.

Then you can have the energy and drive to make your life more interesting.

I don't know what that means. There is nothing wrong with my body, there is nothing wrong with the way I feel. If by conquering social anxieties you mean finding a good range from asking woman out on a date vs. walking up to her and start whispering incredibly romantic and erotic things in her ear, then I guess I have problems with social anxiety, but I don't think my struggle is much less different from any other man on that level. I am addressing my problems, I am trying to fix my mental problems, it's everyone else who wants me to ignore them (okay that's not entirely true). All I want in this world is someone whose worthwhile, and for that person to think of me as the same, is that to hard to work for, or do I gotta grind my fingers till there bloody bone?

I'm twice your age and have the same problem. I'm fricking boring as hell. At least you're young and have plenty of time to become more interesting. Do not give up yet.

You'd actually be surprised, lacking certain minerals makes social anxiety worse.
Social anxiety is caused by bodily functions. It's not combated by being good at asking people out. That's the result of fixing the actual problem.

And if this doesn't apply to you, then fine, don't address it.
But keep in mind that everyone actually has to grind their fingers until they're bone before they get anywhere in life. Some deal with it better than others. That's why I feel fixing chemical issues in your body is the first step to improvement.

What makes you boring? Are you too tired to do stuff? Are you too scared to try new things? Do you find people difficult to talk to? You need to establish an answer to this before bothering to try to fix it.

But there is no point bothering to try to get some people to understand my way of scientific and spriritual thinking.

@Frankidelano:

I am in the same boat as you. Nobody has the same interests as me, and I feel that my only hope is that someone will just settle for me because I was the first guy to show them attention.

After having plenty of friendships with women, I've started to understand how things usually happen: The woman is usually the one who picks the mate, not the other way around. This is the typical scenario: She tells me she like guy X because he's interesting for various reasons, she starts flirting and giving him very obvious signs, and in no time you see them couple, the only step he does is asking her out but she was the real initiator.

In other word, a man should be overall interesting in order to become on demand.

This isn't always the case.
It seems to be for me, as I always have to make the first move as I tend to go for guys who probably would never ask you out.

But heaps of guys make the first move, some still do it to me. They're never my type though. I actually much prefer guys who make a move as opposed to those who make me do it, as at least you know that they're interested and not simply taking it as it's on offer.

I have the same problem. Although I am not hideously ugly, I am really boring. I only have 2 friends that I see thrice a month., spend most of my days behind the computer screen, ocassionally take a walk and go shopping, have no job, no hobbies (not even gaming). So yeah, I guess no normal guy is gonna want a relationship with me.

But you ARE going for your Master's, Cafe au lait--that actually counts as a job.

When I was 22, "gaming" consisted of going to the video game arcade--you didn't meet the best bunch at these places. Before I was 17, in fact, "gaming" consisted solely of playing board games at home.

Believe or not, there are guys that are interested in shopping these days. I'm not one of them! But there seems to have been a shift, in generations after mine, towards an interest in shops, bargains, etc. And not just among effeminate sorts of guys, either. My nephews like going shopping, for example. And they are not effeminate in the least.

Also: psychology is also of interest to many intelligent people. Especially things having to do with optical illusions and visual perception in general.

As for FrankiDelano: At least you're going back to school next year. You're still a very young guy. When I was your age, I had a tremendously difficult time finding girls attractive to me. I had many disadvantages: short height, general nerdiness, shyness, lack of interest in "popular culture."

However, I learned to accept myself as I am, and proceeded accordingly. You could meet ladies in the funniest of situations. I've met them in stores, on the subway, even on checkout lines (queues). The best thing to do is to establish common interests. The best situation, to me, is if you are not actively SEEKING to obtain a girlfriend. When I SOUGHT, I invariably failed.

You just have to exude--not confidence--but just a sense that you're a person who has a steady value system, and WHO IS NOT DESPERATE. Guys who exude desperation evoke disdain in women.

I know what you mean. Nobody has ever liked me romantically, to my knowledge, and I don't see why someone would. This is not some kind of a "self-hating" attitude. I don't think there's more "wrong" with me, per se, than with most people (well, apart from ASD and all that comes with it ), but I don't see anything in myself or most people that would make someone like them. (No doubt the fact that there are very few women I'd be interested in has something to do with this.)

My pet theory about how this works is that there is one great thing about a person that makes someone like them. What that one thing is would vary from person to person, but "physically attractive" would be a very common one. It's not enough for it to be good, it has to make someone go "wow, he is soooo ....!" Then all their other aspects just have to be "good enough" to not be deal-breakers. So while not having a car may prevent someone from going out with you, I can't see how having a car would make them like you. For one thing, it's very common and for another - it's not really an aspect of you. So I can't see how it could be that one great thing. Being a stunt driver, on the other hand, could work - it's an aspect of you, it's impressive and uncommon.

So in my own case, I just don't see what that one great thing would be. If I'm lucky nothing would rule me out for a given person (and that's a big if right there), but that's still not enough to rule me in.

Last edited by FMX on 27 Jul 2014, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I have the same problem. When I had social anxiety I'd always tell myself I'd be making plenty of friends and meeting plenty of potential dates once I was more comfortable, but here I am still not connecting. Other than the benefits to my future career, I have to wonder what the point of all that struggle was sometimes.

I like myself and what I do, but if I want to meet anyone at all (even online friends) I have to put forth the effort and survive many failures. Few people dislike me, but even fewer like me the the way someone likes a friend or a girlfriend.

Sometimes I think many people just consent to my company either because they need my help with something or because I'm naturally sympathetic and they enjoy the attention. I know there have been more than a few people who don't stop talking about their woes even when I'm sick in bed... eventually had to stop talking altogether.

If you could meet yourself in your daily life, how would you strike up conversation?

If you could spend a day with yourself, what would the two of you do?

Would you want to hang out with someone just like yourself?

I feel the same way. I have interests but they don't translate into hobbies. I just sit and think about my interests in my head. Not very exciting for anybody except me.

I am highly intelligent, I notice the dumber someone is the more they want to treat me like I'm the idiot, and the smarter they are the more I get respect.

But there seem to be two types of highly intelligent people; the motivated go getter types who can do anything in the world, and the loner types like us.

I like these kinds of questions

If I could strike up a conversation with myself, at a club, party or bar I would say: Hi, do you like it here?
On the streets I wouldn't approach myself because I find that annoying.
In the supermarket I would say: "Hi, is that pasta-sauce a good one? Because I want to try it but I don't know if it tastes good"


If I could spend a day with myself we would take a morning walk and ocassionally take a rest on a bench or in the grass. We would sit and stare at peasants.
Then we would go to the beach and take a few swims. Perhaps we would do bungeejumping or some cool watersport.
We would chill and talk and have dinner at the sushirestaurant at the pier.
After than in the evening we would go to Amsterdam to visit the read light district and after that visit a cool theatre show.
Anyway we would be outside a lot, but still take it easy.

Would I want to hang out with myself? OMG that takes a lot of reflection skills.
I guess I would feel comfortable with myself. I think I could be myself around me. I am also a good listener, so that's what I would like about myself.
But maybe I would get bored with myself because I don't take the initiative a lot and don't have many interesting stories to tell.
I'm also not that enthousiastic or funny so that would make me feel bored with myself.

I wouldn't want to be best friends with myself.

I think you're pretty cool, Cafeaulait!