Is it possible to be autistic and this social?

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Do you think it's possible for someone to be autistic and have all of the traits below:

- Having over 20 good friends/acquaintances (on the spectrum)
- Being excited and energized by new situations, opportunities, and meeting new people who can talk about your special interest
- Being addicted to interacting with people and being glued to your phone, computer because of interactive media when you don't have a chance to interact with people in person; craving constant feedback even if not social (e.g. grades)
- Finding group work challenging but exciting and energizing
- Feeling drained and unhealthy after too much alone time, to the point of having fear of being alone and wanting to be around people all the time
- Liking and craving loud music (preferred only) and structured party situations (e.g. board/card games, clubbing, shopping in small doses)
- Being often upbeat and giggly, laughing at jokes in your head and finding it easy to talk a lot about things you are excited by, while not being stimulated by anything that carries clear negativity; this includes being overly positive about behaviours classified as "disorders"
- Having extremely high self-esteem and motivation for new opportunities for success (while filtering out failures); being super persistent to learn and apply skills despite any failures
- Wanting to conform socially to some extent while not being ashamed about having autistic traits and not fitting in that way

I am like this despite relating to the spectrum in all other ways and still feeling significantly impaired in many "typical" social situations. What do you think?

Last edited by MathGirl on 02 Aug 2014, 8:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You're describing an extrovert--it's the level of skill, not the level of social interaction, that really determines whether a person needs an autism diagnosis.

The question isn't, do you like to socialize; it's, how good are you at it, are you having trouble that you need help with? And the non-social traits of autism, like special interests, transition problems, and sensory problems, can be present even in someone whose social skills are pretty good.

Yeah, I think you're right. I have relatively good social skills for someone on the spectrum because I socialize during almost all of my free time. We all get better with practice.

I've been told I'm a "very good communicator". However, I can't even follow a regular exchange among a group of my typical peers at a party and feel really awkward. In these situations, I laugh at myself and comment on my own behaviours in a positive light.

You can be social and still be on the autistic spectrum. I'm not a loner because I don't enjoy the company of other people, but because socializing and having to be aware of my own body language, having to pay attention to the body language of other people, having other people place expectations on me, talking about shallow stuff, and all that wears me out. The only place with a lot of people where I actually feel "at home" is at the gym, because nobody expects anything from me regarding social skills, except for the fact that I should rack the weights after using them and be polite.

That's the thing... I don't care about that stuff. When I'm with people in social settings, I don't want or try to restrain myself in any way. I just show myself as I am, enjoy the moments, laugh, talk, and have fun, even if others think I'm weird or whatever else they think. Somehow I'm more likely to focus on myself when I'm alone and then I become anxious, depressed, etc.

I just think I'm perfect and awesome and everyone else is perfect and awesome, too, just the way they are (i.e. without any self-filtering or masking).

an irish female cousin of mine was quite recently diagnosed with aspergers;she is exactly the same as have described except she is twenty and comes from a special school educated background.

I think what you're describing is not feeling trashed by other people. I think a lot of the withdrawal in adults with ASD can be from being pushed away by other people and told we are social screw ups who communicate poorly or inefficiently. I like that that's not happening for you! And there's nothing I see in what you wrote that seems inconsistent with being an adult on the spectrum.

I even know a 12 year old who has ASD who is very social, and very well liked. She is also very loved and supported by parents and teachers. I think it's the love and acceptance she has that makes the difference.

Hmm... I was in an environment where people did tell me negative things like that, but I became defiant and then went into isolation (which had a huge toll on my development and set me back in ways I am trying hard to compensate for now, but that's another story). I kept rejecting these comments and separating myself from anyone who made these comments, including my parents, so I never internalized the attitudes. Somehow, these notions just never would jive with how my mind worked. I then looked for an alternate, positive and accepting place that would feel right and I did find it, but I was determined in doing so and wasn't deterred by any setbacks. It was a need. I don't see too many other people being as determined. Maybe they feel powerless, I don't know.

I also see too many people internalizing these defectiveness schemas/ideas, at least so I think. I don't know why. I'm probably just extroverted to such an extreme that it takes me tremendous effort to pay attention to things and behaviours that are inevitably negative, like my parents' constant criticisms; maybe it's my rigidity, too.

It's definitely an extrovert thing, but there is also a possible relation to ASD.

If you read this link on the rdos site: Link
(Thank you member BRI for the link.)

It seems that male and female ASD people tend to be different in socializing.
Search for the word 'patrilocal,' which appears a few times in the text.
But to understand fully, the full text should be read.

It seems to be a trait where males are happy to remain stationery/local, whereas females like to roam.

Generalizations of course and not a general rule.

I once met a man who was non verbal and he loved being around people and a doctor said he wasn't autistic because he liked being around people and was too social. He said he just had a low IQ.

I know another man who is autistic and he loves being around people, small children and elderlies. He loves to talk to people.

Autism does not mean not wanting to be with people nor want friends or not interacting with people or being non social.

I can be an extrovert but how good are my social skills? I am always thinking what to say and what I shouldn't say and how someone may react and to not interrupt and when to speak and when to stop talking and not go on and on and I feel anxiety about it. If it's my family or someone I am comfortable with, all this is gone because the person knows me and I know them. I don't even have to think about these things. My husband accepts me and so do my parents. Sometimes I wish I didn't care, then it would make my life easier but then I imagine I there would be more pissed off people and me bugging strangers because I didn't know when to stop talking. At least in my family they accept me so I don't have to worry.

Pretty much.
I was a born extrovert but due to my reduced ability to socialize I appear as an introvert.
However it is the will to socialize that keeps me in the scene. I have a whole lot of friends around my environment ( nearly all of them are neurotypical ) & I enjoy talking to them.
I like meeting new people but am intimidated by it. I just need to carry on a conversation until I find a common interest I can latch on to , after that we instantly become friends. As for group discussions , all one has to do is to chip in with useful information ,experiences or a witty or humorous statement from time to time.
I do want to conform socially but still retain some of my asperger traits, in fact I have succeeded in doing so so far. I can't stay isolated for long but neither can I stay in the crowd for too long either.
I just seem like your average introverted Joe.

I am many of the things you posted in your OP. Very outgoing, extroverted and happy to be around people. I thrive in social situations, especially louder venues such as pubs and clubs (or something to that effect) where the time I share with others enriches my life. I dunno. I just have a genuine love to be with people and both share my experiences and listen to their experiences with them. Chat, laugh, discuss and enjoy each others company.

I do fine alone as well. Alone time is good for everybody, though! I definitely can be recharged both ways, too. Sometimes I need to escape and have some time to myself where I can do my own thing without external bothers. I enjoy those moments because it's what allows me to learn more about me and/or the thing I am doing/engaged with. But on the flip side of the coin I can be energized and recharged by being in a big group, especially when around close friends. The sharing and communion of being around your most trusted people allows me to break free a little and not have to adjust as much. Plus my friends are just such great people that I know I am safe, loved and cared for.

So yeah, being an extrovert rocks if you're born that way and can thrive in those kinds of situations. Remember everybody is different!

If think you're missing the point.

It's not whether you're asocial or not, it's how impaired you are when you're actually socializing (which is defined in whatever diagnostic criteria your location uses).

Yes, Aspies can be social. One example is Jack Robison, the son of author John Robison. In the book Raising Cubby, it describes how Jack on the surface sounds like a typical teen, spending time with friends and defying parental authority, you know what I mean? But he still lacked key areas of social awareness, the book described how he sometimes became so focused on chemistry in the chemistry class that he neglected his friends in class, and walked on the foot of a girl without being aware, things like that. Also, compared to a neurotypical, he was late age wise in making friends.

I'm among those who post about being in more of a downbeat place regarding getting out there and socializing, but don't be so sure that people who speak of less positivity have always been that way, or less "determined."

There was about a 20 year period in the mid-section of my life (so far) in which I made a superhuman effort to be "determined" about a hell of a lot of things, including going out and creating/finding a social world for myself -- which I did. Plus also pursuing my creative field, and doing a lot of things I had thought I wasn't capable of, during a time prior when I was living at home and nobody thought I could ever make anything of my life.

For a good long time there I kind of did. It's only now as I'm an older person in the latter half of my life that I have quite honestly burned out, and have no more energy for this kind of effort.

It also helped that coinciding with that more energetic period of my life, I also had my life set up in such a way that I got a lot of recovery time and my socializing was on my terms, at my choosing.

These days I'm in different circumstance and my interractions are in fact forced on me rather than chosen by me. Also the ratio has reversed of alone-time to "forced to be around people time."

However, in the little socializing I do do now, yes, I DO mask my traits because they've kind of gotten worse -- combine that with the fact that everyone in my life is not actually a close friend but in fact a work-related situation or a very casual acquaintance who would not understand my traits -- and I do NOT have the energy to try to explain to someone who will probably react badly -- that I just don't feel there is a benefit to letting it all hang out.

IF the people in my life were closer with me and actually loved and liked and cared about me, then it would be different. But I'm largely dealing with strangers and there are survival reasons why it's best to just "act normal" to get through my day and my life at this point.

But I'm happier understanding that about myself and giving myself the alone time I need.

I was always a natural introvert, so my "determined" efforts at socializing were a Sisyphean task indeed, for me. It comes more naturally to you, thus I did pretty well even trying. But it's not my natural state and I don't have to do that, I've come to have more compassion about my real needs. This is just my own story, as someone more inclined to introversion than the OP.

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Sometimes getting older, one gets discouraged. But if you find the right people to be around, may make all the difference.