A "feeling" in my head I can't put into words

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Ever since I've been a child (I'm now in my forties) I have had occasional times (maybe once a fortnight when I was little, and I'm pleased to say increasingly rare - perhaps once every 4 months now) normally when lying in bed before going to sleep, when I've had a feeling in my head which I'll do my best to describe, but one of the most frustrating things is that it's almost impossible for me to put into words. The sensation (and it is not a 'feeling' so I'm not in any physical pain) is as though there is an object - like an eraser only bigger - inside my head. The reason I use the eraser as an example, is that I used to have a medium sized green eraser as a kid, and the high density and rubbery nature reminds me a bit of the class of sensations I experience.

When I was little, I used to get panic attacks brought on by this, and on going in to see my parents in tears or screaming would usually 'make something up' about a nightmare, as I couldn't put it into words. I remember the sensation was often accompanied by hyperventilating/rapid breathing, but can't recall if the latter brought on the sensation, or if it was in response to panic induced by the sensation itself.

Other 'triggers' which lead to experiencing this sensation have been making waves in the bathtub which through repeated motion eventually splash over the top, or (now I'm older) picking up an object and 'misjudging' its dimensions (e.g. preparing to pick up something large and finding out is a bit smaller than you have physically prepared yourself to lift). Sometimes it just happens, and I get up and do something, as I fear the sensation will become more intense if I concentrate on it, and it just disappears. I do experience lucid dreams now and again, and I have noticed that after one of these 'episodes', I am more likely to experience a lucid dream.

I'm really not doing a great job of explaining this at all - sorry!! But I put it out there on the off chance there are other people who have experienced similar/related things.

I don't know what you're on about.

Is the eraser rubbing out your thoughts?

Do you see the eraser?

Sometimes I have a ball of string in my head, but I'm not too sure if it's a similar thing except mines string.

No, I don't see the object, and it has no symbolic significance (e.g. Rubbing things out), but its more of a "feeling" that there's a dense rubbery object inside my head

Oh right, it does sound similar to my ball of string.

It's weird! I've never been able to pin down what it is. It's just a feeling of a ball of string in my head.

Bizarre!

Sorry I can't be of any help.

The symptoms you describe may be caused by inner ear problems of some kind. Perhaps a build-up of fluid. Have this checked out.

Thanks - will mention to my GP next time I see him.

Yup I often have feelings I can't describe in words to people, it makes it super frustrating when someone asks you what's wrong! Oh and then I get mad because I don't know what I'm feeling so the original feeling gets shoved back down and unresolved. I to also sometimes get a bizarre feeling that I can't describe it's not any object in my head it's more of being uncomfortable and not knowing why like needing water or food or something basic. It's very annoying!

Does your eraser-like item move at all?

I get a feeling that something in my head is shifting around sometimes. Again really difficult to describe, but sort of a cross between tectonic plates shifting and cogs moving as they change gear. Kind of a slow adjustment that feels like it should be making a sound but actually doesn't.

Maybe I don't understand what you are saying so you may need to talk more about it.

Language (and I only speak one with any competence) is secondary or tertiary for me.

1. I "experience" something. Its memory is also pure "experience". Its not a feeling or anything, but like 'being in the moment' that gurus talk about.

2. Eventually, I'll find a picture, movie, book, TV show, etc. that I realize exhibits qualities of my experience. I now have a catalyst for the "experience" to transition to words and language.

3. When I first start sharing the "experience", I can only describe the picture or point in the story where a character portrayed it

4. After a while, I can share it with others in my own words. When I get tired or sick, I backslide to an earlier stage. Sometimes I get pretty appraxic too.

I don't get anxious about it like you describe, but I grew up in an autistic family pre-IDEA (and especially NCLB) and wasn't so different that NTs thought I should be institutionalized so I had enormous freedom (to seek sensory input I needed or shut down totally) that younger autistics don't get to experience.

Is this anything like you're describing?