How do you handle fellow women's gossip?

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I find it hard to deal with my fellow females tendency towards gossip. I think it is a waste of time and many times it is an information gathering session to stab someone's back. I enjoy discussing various topics with female acquaintances, however I shut down when they talk about someone negatively, especially with them not being in the room.

Any other Aspies have this issue?

Yeah, I can't stand it either. I don't mind talking about someone if they're not there (used to have a problem with even that for some reason!) as long as no one is saying anything bad about them.

I think it's a waste of time. I'm not around many women anyway, but if I am and it starts, I just get up and leave. I'm completely disinterested in that behavior. I see men do it alot as well. I also get up and leave if they start.

i wish i could make myself get up and leave but i get very uncomfortable and don't know HOW to just get up. i sit there hating every minute of it not saying anything, wanting to deride them for their comments, and being plain miserable.

I just nod periodically and completely zone out. When they're done gossiping, I tune back in.

I dont mix with any other women really. I just find the majority in my age group disinteresting.

I learned that when I started to rationalize the gossipee's situation in a more sympathetic or positive light, the conversation would usually turn around.

The friends I have now aren't really interested in gossip, though we talk about tv show characters like their real characters sometimes.

I don't spend enough time with females to hear gossip, but I detest it.

You just have to realize that when you get up and leave like that, you will be the topic of discussion once they're out of sight, but since they all talk about each other anyway, it's inevitable they will talk about you. For me, it's best I say nothing. The few times I have, it's been along the lines of, "I'm not wasting my time with this nasty stupidity." In my case, silence is a better solution.

I don't respect that behavior, so I don't respond well to it. Even though I can differentiate betwen the behavior and the person, I find most people can't and think you look down on them as a complete person. It's just a nasty situation all the way around.

I was in a situation for a few years where this was what I did. We had a {female} boss that was disliked and gossiped about. I tried to mention a *valid* positive about the boss whenever the claws came out. It reduced the gossip, though not the dislike or desire to gossip.

I've also been on the receiving end and was almost run out of a women's spiritual group because I wasn't NT-enough. I ended up giving the group what I had committed to doing, then disappearing. Don't know and don't care what was said behind my back after that point. They can go to that place they claim to believe in, though I have to wonder whether they really do believe in it, given their behavior




This is so true.

Ugh. Yes. That's why I have...Um, lemme count on one hand...NO female friends other than the two who've been in my life since childhood/young adulthood, and even then, I maybe only see them once every couple of months, if that.

My neighbor, although a beautiful, seemingly nice woman, constantly drives me to drink (literally) with her BORING gossip about others -- even her own sister! Also, she talks and talks about her "glory" days as prom queen, blah, blah, blah, and if I try to interject something *intelligent*, I'm ignored or talked over. Politics, the state of the world, archeology, the possibility of life on other planets, and literature does not interest her, I guess...

If I had it my way, I'd avoid her altogether, but my husband has taken a liking to both her and her husband. Most times I just send him off to socialize with them ALONE. I may appear rude, but really, I'm just saving my sanity. And a possible murder charge.

This is when you want to look her straight in the eye and say, "Are you aware of the fact that you are boring and insipid?"

I prefer, "Do you care about anything in life that actually matters? Don't you think it's time you started to?"

This may be on a slightly different note here, but i have been thinking about this. I know many people who will say that gossiping is wrong and hurtful, yet so many people gossip. I noticed that on the rdos asperger's quiz, there was a question that said "do you enjoy gossip?" I don't know anyone who will ADMIT to liking to gossip. I have never seen a discussion forum advocating gossip, but many like this derailing it. I am curious as to why that is. Are that many people hypocrites? (fyi i am not calling anyone on this forum a hypocrite, nor am i saying that anyone here actually likes and does gossip) Or is a cultural/social taboo to talk about such things as actually liking to gossip?

jnet, I'm not ashamed to admit that I find *celebrity gossip* amusing. Could be because I was raised on my mother's never-ending supply of tabloids (I read everything and anything as a kid), but gossip as regard to those I know personally is offensive to me. I can't stand people who talk behind others' backs, divulge personal information about others that was given in confidence, and general bitching about others' behavior. If something annoys me about someone, I'm the type to directly confront the person -- no beating around the bush or bitching to someone else about it for me. Also, if someone confides in me, I keep it to myself. That's just proper, respectful behavior.

Gods, it's hideous, isn't it! I hate working in offices full of women who do that. I think they use it as some sort of bonding mechanism, but I find it offensive, wasteful of time, and quite frankly have to wonder what they say about me when I'm not around.