If only...

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If only 10 years ago, when I was 20, coverage of SRS were commonplace in the U.S., my mind would not have spent years eroding as I struggled with how I would pay for it. I am now in a fight for coverage of SRS, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I were to get it, it's not going to overcome 10 years of the erosion of my mind.

When I was 20, I was doing well, I had friends, and was seriously contemplating transition for the first time. Then I saw the cold reality for most American trans people. As time went on, I became bitter. I felt increasingly exposed and anxious around people, so I isolated myself, cut myself off from others. I felt like a freak of nature.

SRS may help yet, but it will not undo the damage that has already been done. Much of my potential has already been wasted by the transphobic policies of this country!

Much of SRS is the transition period. Have you researched enough about transitioning that you could do it on your own (at least, to some extent)?

If I was as committed as you, I would look for ways to accomplish as much as I could on my own. At least then, I could present as my chosen gender and that should help with some of the frustration with waiting through the delays.

I don't know, maybe you already have done this. Just suggesting....

For me, SRS has always been a very important part of my transition. If I failed to obtain it, I would consider this transition a failure.

This is still painful for me.

You know what they say though... The more hollowed out you are the more room for joy and happiness later on. I know it can feel like a dark slippery slope but once you start feeling confident the whole world will open up and you'll be more powerful than someone who hasn't had to ordeal through such pain. Keep it up!! !