My Son's Behavior is Infuriating, and Embarrasing

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My son is 3. Autistic. I love him very much. I also have another child who is NT.

We are doing our best for our son. Therapy, biomedical alternative therapy, etc.

One problem is that his behavior is flat-out embarrassing at times. I take him to the pool, because he loves it. But now, he continually squeals. I know he doesn't have the language to say "hey this is great!" And although he is learning to talk and is verbal (on some level, anyway), at the pool he keep squealing and shrieking. It's embarrassing. I try to get him to stop; he won't. People start looking. Finally, I just took him home. Got sick of it. It's bad enough that other NT kids are saying "hey daddy, watch me", and that I am excluded from making friends with other parents with NT kids. But he has to shriek on top of it? I'm sick of it. I was so proud of my other kids. This little guy is adorable, but embarrassing. It's bad enough he won't respond when others people talk to him.

And then---the continual obnoxious stimming. Taking the vacuum cleaner apart for hours. Standing on the table swinging the light. Turning the TV on and off. Stepping on the garbage can pedal. Opening and shutting the door. Pushing out the window screen.

And then...the pinching. The scratching.

Don't get me wrong...he's cute, has a sense of humor, playful, affectionate....and he's trying so hard.

I guess I'm the monster here. I actually resent him for putting my family through all of this.

I'm tired of being embarrsed of his squealing and shrieking.

What kind of life he's going to have, I do not know.

All kids squeal, even NT ones.

Is your kid in an early-intervention program?

I understand your embarrassment. My parents were embarrassed by me, too. I was probably worse than your kid. I used to knock things off shelves. I used to SCREAM all night. I was nonverbal till age 5.

However, I am now 53 years old, independent, with a college degree and waiting to retire with a decent pension.

All hope is not lost.

Like I said, I could understand your embarrassment. No criticism here. But I wouldn't let this prevent me from allowing your son to interact with others.

Probably not a very good one if you don't attempt to be understanding and supportive about the fact HE HAS AUTISM, and will continue to have autism....he'll grow up feeling resented and like he's just a problem for everyone else, so very little sense of self worth most likely.

Also I did not know it was uncommon for 3 year olds to squeal and shriek in excitement, you resent him for putting your family through all this....well what about what he has to go through?

Sorry if that is harsh but you're going to need to make a lot of efforts to be understanding, get him help for things he needs help with....learn about autism, if he has stims that are harmful or very obnoxious maybe try to help him redirect to less disruptive/harmful stims but you have to be willing to work with him and find a way to handle embarrassment or what not you might feel if he acts strange and people judge you or him for it....maybe some therapy could help.

I don't think he sounds that bad to be honest.

Who doesn't like opening and shutting the peddle bin?

And there's nothing wrong with him playing with the vacuum cleaner.

I had a s**t upbringing but nobody ever stopped my behaviour, to the point that I didn't even realise there was anything wrong with me.

You ought to just let him be.

He's just a little boy, you f*****g tyrant!

If you continue to nurture him (perhaps being a little "looser" with him), he continues with ABA, and you continue to reinforce him when he's showing progress, it's quite possible that he, in two years, might be ready for a "mainstream" kindergarten.

You should go to the Parent's forum to swap notes with other parents--especially the subform which deals with conditions other than Asperger's/HFA.

Does he have any verbal speech at all?

Please understand the viewpoint of other posters. They have been hurt by their treatment at the hands of unsympathetic parents, etc.

Let me get this straight, he is 3 years old, and he can disassemble the vacuum cleaner ?. Sounds like a freaking MacGyver genius, if this is the case.

You need to start being proud of your son with the different neurology. He deserves that.

If he's precisely three, he's not even a year behind in speech. He speaks "telegraphically," like most 2 to 2 1/2 year olds There are "normal' three year olds who don't speak that well yet, and "catch up" with the rest of the kids by the time they are in kindergarten.

I studied speech pathology and language acquisition.

At least he's speaking--that probably 3/4's of the battle won right there.

And he knows his letters.

I didn't speak at all when I was three.

I think you know that you should be a bit more patient with your son. If you overdo it, he might rebel into his own world.

I think, if you model for him, and the ABA therapist models for him, that he will acquire the proper grammar. Kids have a way of catching up if allowed to flourish.

He doesn't sound like he confuses pronouns. This means he is self-aware.

My mother was very hard at me at times. This has affected our relationship to this day.

I believe, if you don't offer a reason to rebel, that he'll continue to make progress.