I think my wife is having meltdowns or panic attacks.

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I'm and aspie; and, I'm beginning to think my wife might be on the spectrum too.

Most of the time she's a very pleasant person, reasonable, logical: but, when she can't reach her son, her mother or myself on the phone when she expects them to be available she becomes absolutely terrified, almost hysterical and cries uncontrollably . All she can think of is different horrible reasons the person isn't answering their phone (they have been shot or hit by a car or kidnapped?)

She becomes absolutely inconsolable. Every time this has happened in the past no one has been hurt and there has always been a reasonable explanation for why they didn't answer the phone; but, reminding her that everything has always turned out ok has almost no effect. Pointing out that there are not many bad (accident, etc.)reasons for a person to not return a call; but, there are lots of good reasons or that the chances that something bad has happened is much less likely then something neutral or good thing has no effect either.

As soon as she hears from the "missing" person she calms down and everything is all right. When she's not in panic mode she agrees that the fear is unreasonable and even apologizes for her behavior.

Does this sound like a meltdown or a panic attack or something else?

Sounds like anxiety/panic to me. I obviously can't know for sure though.

It sounds a lot like anxiety or panic to me as well; but I'm not completely positive. What you describe just sounds to me like something I do when I'm really anxious or panicky.

ptsd

Sounds like OCD (unwanted obsessive thoughts and excessive worry) so she gets anxiety about it and then has a panic attack. I wonder what her reason is for it? Has she had a bad past about it or is it just irrational fear? It reminds me how I used to get real anxious when I couldn't find my mother in public because I would worry about never finding her and how long it would take so I would break down and cry and not calm down until I found her. It's not that I thought something bad happened, I just didn't know how long it would be until I could find her and then leave the place. Sometimes I would think she left me because I couldn't find her. It made it easier if we did a meeting time at a certain spot in the mall. Then we had cell phones so that made it easier.

...too...

anxiety.

It doesn't sound indicative of being on the spectrum to me at all. Sounds like anxiety.

It is anxiety but it doesn't sound like a meltdown, although there is a high degree of distress.

It may be that the anxiety rises to the level of panic, but that is still not a meltdown.

Are there any other reasons you suspect she might also be on the spectrum?

Anxiety is a common comorbidity with autism, but it is not a symptom.

The only reason to suspect that someone may be on the spectrum is that they have the core traits: impaired social communication, restricted interests/repetitive behaviors, sensory issues,

There are many ways to not be neurotypical without being autistic.

My mom has anxiety and panic attacks, but she doesn't do this exactly. It's more worrying about herself usually. Like her heart will pound a bit or skip a beat and then she freaks out and thinks she is going to have a heart attack and die. She has similar episodes of worry over things, and the doctor confirmed that they were panic attacks so that is probably what you are describing. My mom isn't on the spectrum so she doesn't really have meltdowns.

I agree that it sounds like anxiety or OCD. It could also be PTSD if she's had something happen to a family member in the past.

If she doesn't have other autistic traits, this one trait wouldn't mean she was autistic.