I'll be good enough or literally die trying. (Hopeless)

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I'm posting this in here out of desperation. I urgently need some advice or a creative solution, and I fear I am going to end up doing something dangerous or stupid with no where to turn anymore. I had a couple people move into my house recently, as I mentioned in another post once. Its getting bad though I think, ,where at first I thought I could force it to work somehow. Now I know I can't. Both absolutely refuse to accept that I have AS, go on and on about my "mental issues" grow more and more frustrated about the way I do things ,and honestly seem to feel like I am trying to do it all on purpose. The expectations for me are far too high. The tones of voice, the phrasing of words and sentences need to be precise and exact time and again. Even things that have never really bothered most people much, such as my standing position in a room, is pushing them over the edge fast. I have been accused four times in four days now of condescending tones and words to them and of being mean and disrespectful, when I am only trying to solve a problem of in one case joke around. Tonight while cooking supper with them (something thats not even fun anymore because of the constant conflicts, I walked quickly to the living room to grab a piece of plastic I left out there, thinking nothing of it. One of them was quickly muttering about my immaturity under her breath because I had left the room right after she took over stirring my darn bowl. My house is never clean enough, my time is never managed well enough, my tine is wrong, the words are wrong, I am making trouble, blah blah blah, life used to be kind of fun, and now today here I am resenting that I have a day off work because it means having sat home instead all day to be not good enough instead of just part of the time.

I try to explain myself and the answer is always seen as wrong. No I don't have anything wrong with me they say but an anxiety issue and should be popping pills for it to became magically normal in a few weeks. How can I make them understand that I cannot be "cured" of this condition. Heck, even if there WAS ever a cure for it, even if I could take pills and eventually become NT, I would flat out pass on it. To me, though I do know of course that this is debatable and thats fine, being someone high functioning on the spectrum, has a couple of advantages too. Why should I be constantly not good enough when as far as I'm concerned these two people that have slowly taken over more of my life have their own issues too. Fighting alot, so often mad at each other, slamming things, and mumbling to themselves in frustration. Why is their bad behavior fine and mine is not. I cope their (good) behavior and I still get into trouble. I feel like I;m ten years old again, tip toeing around unstable adults, ready to make a wrong move and recive my punishment.

I admit that I have self harmed a little over various points in my life but it has never been this bad before. On a nearly daily basis now I am either slamming my head into hard walls or even cutting myself. Several times I am written negative statements directed toward myself over my arms with a sharpie pen. which of course I know is not self harm but certainly is still not good. The other night I beat myself with a kitchen tool until I was bruised black and blue, because I had been told I was speaking in the wrong way and nothing I did would let me get it right or be good enough. It honestly sounded perfectly fine to me. I think lately that I just hurt enough just feel enough pain for my social mistakes made in the home, then surely I MUST get it right eventually in the name of self preservation.

The stress of dealing with this sort of thing all the time and never know when someone mood is going to go bad, on top of the normal life stuff, which I don't mind the typical daily stress of, is too much to take now. I have lost my freedom and my life itself. And I cant make anyone understand how seriously this is. I don't even care anymore if I hurt myself bad or who knows I've done it. I just need to stop being corrected god knows how often in a day. I am almost afraid to speak now for fear of accidentally talking to one of them slightly like a child, but really I am talked to like one so often, I cant see how the argument is even fair anymore.

If it's your house then the solution seems clear: get them the hell out of your house, ASAP! Lease or no lease, if they are causing you such levels of stress - just get them OUT. Change the locks and throw their stuff out onto the street if you have to! That's obviously a last resort and you should tell them to leave first, but if they refuse, this is an option. It's much easier to deal with the consequences of illegally evicting tenants (if that's what they are) than to deal with the consequences of hurting yourself or hurting them or a having a mental breakdown or whatever.

I'm sorry you're in this position. I've done that whole self-harm spiral myself, though these days I'm too numb to bother with it. Is there anywhere you could just go to be alone for a little while? Drive around? Hang out somewhere?

You know, talking about this misery might have some cathartic effect. Sharing with others could only help. Some might call it whining but I call it expressing your human tendencies. Let it all out. PM someone if you don't want to go into too much detail.

This sounds like my family.