Write the worst short story you possibly can

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You may use:
-awful grammar and spelling
-cheesy dialogue
-Mary Sue traits
-any other terrible ideas you come up with

I will begin...

"OMG" i sed loudly. "he is like so hawt omg" i sed fanning myself with my hand like i was hot and looking at the hot guy with black hair and really dark eyes. (he looks like Skandar Keynes!! !! !! ! omgomg) all the sudden he grew fangs and then he turned into a bat but then he saw me and turned back into a hot guy and cam over 2 me all mad with anger and angry madness in his gorjuss eyes.

"hey u" his voise was angry but still really hot! i almost faintid. "what u lookin at for? u shuld have sometheng beter 2 do!! !!" he was really mad.

"ur a vampyer i saw u chang 2 a bat but then u changd back i saw u" then i look at him with my majic eyes and he looked less madder.

wen i was a baby me and my rents (thats short 4 parents lol) where in crash and they dieded but i was alive. i never new my rents really but i think they were sikick and culd cuntrol minds b/c so can i!! ! i have rilly bright green eyes that look rilly pritty in the sunlite an every1 says their gorjiss. well my eyes can also cents what other ppl r thinking and i can control they'reir thots & stuff!! !!@#!#!#$!

"wow ur really gorguss" the hot vampyir guy looked in my relly pritty green eyes and his mouth fell open so i saw his fangs. "i luv yur eyes and..."

i culd read his mind so i new wut he would say next!! !!

"i luv u."

then all the sudden two guys jumped out (the were rilly hot 2 but not as hot as the vampiyerire guy) and they were like "NO WE LUV HER MORE THEN U BACK OFF BATTY!! !! !! !! !! !!"

but then i gasped cuz they'reirre blood went everyware wen the hot vandpyre suckd theyier blod are they fell with theieyr necks all bloody and grosssss!! !!

the hot guy said meanly but kind of romantiklee, "no they didunt luv u!! I LUV U!! !! !! !! !"

but i was 2 freked out and ran away and cryed becuz of teh dead hot guys the hawt vampyiereyr killed.

"omg y do i have 2 b so prety!??!?!?! !?" i louderly cried. "my beeuty is a currse!! !! !"

Once up on a time, I went to the chippy. When I got there I bought a bag of chips. I put salt and vinegar on them and I ate them on my way home.

"That was very f*****g selfish of you" said my step sister as she kicked the living s**t out of me.

"Yes I know it was" I said back to her "But you're already fat enough".

The End.

I'll try scary;

I can't understand why they left me here, its so dark and cold, surely cremating me would have been easier!

One day I was skipping down the street when a conker fell out of the sky and hit me on the head.

"WTF" I said as I looked up, only to see a cheeky little squirrel laughing at me.

So anyway, I climbed that f*****g tree like a shot out of a gun and caught the squirrel.

I didn't really know what to do with it in the end so I just let it go.

I got stuck up the tree anyway, and I'm still there now writing this.

One day I went in a rocket and flew to the moon.

The moon was quite dusty, so I got out my cleaning stuff and had a quick tidy round.

Then I got back in my rocket and came back to Earth.

That was last Saturday.

She watched him walk away, a single rose cast to the ground.

The man in the hat killed the other man in the hat.

He lived.

They snuck into town and snuck in to the houses and some waited while the Boss did his thing, and then they snuck some more, and when they were hungry, they said they wanted to go to Denny's, PLEASE?, but Santa said 'No, not until we are done!'

So the hungry reindeer stamped their feet on the roof and broke a lot of holes in the shingles and the snow got in and ruined all the carpets and wallpaper and everybody's clothes.

This is a short story. Yes, it is, really. Have I mentioned this is a short story? No? Well, guess what? It is totally a short story! Yes, it is!

Now, the real pain in the rear is the obnoxious and unessential fact that I must fill it in with something. This really irks me?I?m simply not in the mood for writing anything interesting, let alone anything that would justify calling it a short story, like it totally is. It?s not like I?d be able to write anything worth the pixels it takes up on your screen anyway, since I?ve never bothered to developed the skills, but whatever.

So have I mentioned this is a short story? Well, newsflash: it is! I could perhaps tell how many typos I made while writing it, which I pedantically corrected on the spot, like this will make me look like a genius or something. Unfortunately, I?m too lazy to keep the count. I won?t even bother to reread the previous lines to avoid repeating myself.

Have I mentioned I don?t care about repeating myself? And what about this being a short story? Because, you know, this is a short story.

At this point, assuming you?re masochistic enough to be still reading this awesome short story, you?re probably wondering, ?When the hell will this goddamn short story end??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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Have I said anything about repetition already?

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By the way, this is a short story.

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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How many times have I stupidly repeated that line so far?

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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You don?t seriously expect me to bother to count them, do you?

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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Did you know this is a short story?

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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?Is this goddamn short story over yeu??

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Have you spotted anything different about this last run of ?Is this goddamn short story over yet???

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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Did I say ?last?? Ha, ha, ha!

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

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?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

?Is this goddamn short story over yet??

This is totally a short story and I?d never forgive myself if I didn?t finish it with a good chain of exclamation marks like this!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111oneoneone

One day whilst I was guarding my masters house, I heard a noise.

So then I started barking.

It turned out to be the postman. I hate the postman!

I ran to the door and as he pushed the letters through the door I tore them out of his hand.

I then proceeded to rip the letters up.

When my master came home, he saw what I had done, he tapped me on the nose and called me a bad dog. Then he sent me to my basket.

I curled up and fell asleep and I dreamt about chasing cats.

There's no story, no characters, no plot, no nothing.

Title: Lovving Hart

Wuns uppon a time, their wuz a very butiful wuman called Margaret. She lovd cute small children very much bcauze they wer very lovvly and Her hart felt very worm when she see a cute children,. She also luvs herself very much bcauze luvving cute children make her a grate pirsen, She wuz shure god lovs her, too, for being a grate pursen. When she see a cute children she went like, ?oh my dog! Isn?t it adorible!?? teres of joy came outta her eyes when she wuz happy.

Wunday she find a small cute childrens crying in the side of cunntry steet. Her hart felt so sad and she cryed, too. The teres were butiful. She went ?wat hapend my sweet hart darlin??? as she squatted besides the children, the children terned into a big hidious monster and the monster eat Margaret.

One day when I went to the seaside, the wind was blowing really bad.

Then it started raining.

So I put my coat on and zipped it up.

That seemed to do the trick.

My dog scratched because she itched and it was a flea biting her, so I looked for it in her fur and I found it and I squashed it.

This story is about Mary Sue traits but I don't know what they are. The end.