The need to be right.

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Does anyone else "suffer" from this? The need to be right no matter what the consequences, or regardless of where it might end up? Unfortunately I can't keep my mouth shut, and all too often I find myself being in over my head -
I did it again this morning and I feel utterly hopeless and depressed. I am fully aware of this problem, and yet I keep doing it... over and over , like a broken record, it's like I like the confrontation that comes from it... even though I can say that it stresses me out and I really don't like it....

What are some of the strategies you guys use to stop yourself from doing this? I mean besides "just stopping" because that ain't working for me.

I suspect it's largely a self esteem issue, where we feel like we should be the smartest guy in the room and (more importantly) make sure everyone knows it. I talked myself right out of a date with a girl once because she was a CPA and I was a security guard and I felt like I HAD to show how smart I was even without a college degree. Oddly, it didn't make her like me more.

My only advice is to try and recognize it for what it is and, hopefully, stop yourself before it gets too far.

I have this issue.

I don't attribute it to AS.

My whole life, no matter what I did, I was always WRONG....even when I was right.

It just made me desperate to always be right. It also is why I'm focused on being a perfectionist. People used any flaw to justify rejecting me, so as a child, I concluded that if I could be "perfect" people would love and accept me.

In arguments, online and real-life, I can't help but always feel the need to look
'better' than my opponent.

No matter what issue I am arguing with them about, I always seem to do whatever I can to look morally better than the other person.

To look more moral, tolerant, intelligent, calm, relaxed, friendly, etc. than whatever opponent I am facing.

I don't always try to look 'right' and can even admit that I am wrong, but will often make the other person still look like they stooped lower than me.

For example, I argue with someone on the internet. They end up swearing and insulting me, but it turns out they were right and I was wrong.

I'll use their swearing and insulting language against them. 'Even though you are correct, it is quite pathetic you felt the need to reduce yourself to such aggressive behavior.'

Is anyone else like me? Even if they can admit they're wrong, they still feel the need to look 'superior' or 'better' their opponent?

To look like the 'good guy' and make them look like the 'bad guy' no matter what?

No, I don't feel the need to be right.

I'm not a scientific person or an academic, so most of what I think is completely subjective anyway.

I think it's a form of compulsive behaviour and is an attempt to make up for a lack of feeling included. Almost like you're trying to force others to view reality the way you do. So as to have your experience validated and shared by others. Because we often can't connect with the reality others are experiencing. I used to study facts and information and if someone challenged me I would be incredulous. It's a silly waste of time. Who cares what others believe, my life's going to continue to suck either way.

I know this feeling :/ We all have a routine as individuals on the autism spectrum.

I don't attribute the need to AS, but I do attribute to AS the persistence in trying to prove it when all the social norms indicate one should stop. Like so many characteristics, the details of the expression set us apart, not the motivations.

With me, it's not so much a need to be right as a need to correct wrong when I see it, and IRL I've learned to play it off as a self deprecating neuroses rather than serious criticism, which seems to work well for me. A good example is my job, where all of my coworkers went to a very traditional French cooking school, where I'm self taught and know a lot about modernist techniques and how a lot of the traditional stuff is actually BS, but I have to hold my tongue on it because that particular lemon wouldn't be worth the squeeze. Instead, I make jokes about their archaic techniques while suggesting ridiculously overcomplicated modern ones, then later talking about some more practical modernism that I use at home, to keep everything light while still getting it out there that I do know better ways to do a lot of this stuff, if anyone is interested. Same thing when the store owner comes in acting stupid and threatening to take some cost or another out of someone's tips; I could recite the Fair Labor Standards Act chapter and verse and mention that proclaiming that he's going to commit a violation that cost Starbucks and Mario Batali millions of dollars in front of witnesses isn't the brightest move, but I know that he's just blustering, and that provoking that fight would not get me anywhere that I care to go.

Online is different, especially when talking politics, as I take pride in being careful about how I phrase things and doing my research so that I can comment in an accurate and informed manner, or at the very least not blunder into subjects I have no knowledge of spouting ignorant opinions, and consequently have little to no tolerance for people who don't or wont' do the same, yet want to be taken seriously. Intellectually, I know that it's a waste of time going after someone that's so clearly stupid that only other idiots would take them seriously, but it isn't always easy shrugging off morons insulting me, directly or indirectly, so I find myself punching down more than I'd like to. AS complicates things further, as I'm always having to ask myself if I'm looking at someone who's being a jerk on purpose, or someone who's AS just causes them to present that way; I have a fairly complex system of elimination for making that call, but I still often wonder if I've gotten it right.

I can take correction fairly easily if the substance I'm debating is factual. I don't budge much when moral judgements come into play. I also prefer doing what works for me as opposed to what others insist is right. What works for the majority of people won't necessarily work for me and you can't force a square peg in a round hole.

I agree with JRJones. *Everyone* wants to be acknowledged as being right, especially when they know for a fact the other person is wrong.

It's great that you realize when you've pushed it too far, even if it is sometimes after the fact. If you can't stop yourself in the moment, a great option is to come back to the person you were arguing with later and say something along the lines of "I got caught up in the moment earlier, and argued harder than I meant to. I'm sorry if I was rude or made the situation uncomfortable. It's something I'm aware that I do, and I'm working on it." No need to even disclose your diagnosis if you don't feel like it - plenty of NTs struggle with the same thing.

Even if you can't take back having insisted on being right, going back and apologizing will show the person that you argued with that you ultimately care more about them than about being right, which will help soothe any frustration they might feel.

If I know that I am right, I do feel the compulsion to share that. It's as if I need to let others know.

I do attribute this to the asperger mind. There are a number of topics that strike me as fascinating and I like to talk about them. When I find something that is interesting to me, I dive in. I read and research and find out all that I can about the topic. I visit websites, read books, look through Facebook, watch TV shows about them, etc. I believe that this lends to the compulsion that I have to be right in discussing various topics.

Although, I've gotten a bit better, I still tend to dominate a conversation if the topic is something that I really know. It's unintentional, but feels like a compulsion to say it.

Unlike Dox47, when someone's in the process of obstructing me I don't even think of wondering if they know that that's what they're doing, becoz that doesn't remove the obstacle ~ I usually just continue to reason with them until they either say / do something to show they understand, or they hold my 'stubborn persistence' against me ~ which is when i conclude that they're being a jerk / wasting my time. Of course it's exhausting (ETC) but i only defend myself this way becoz no one else is doing it for me: wanting to be / appear to be "in the right" has nothing to do with it. In fact i don't think i have much of an ego, coz i only get into such debates when i'm protecting my well-being or the well-being of someone i love ...and i only do the latter if i'm there at the time and they really can't do it themselves.

No offense to anyone else here and please don't think I am talking about anyone else.. but when I spent my childhood and my adulthood (up til a few months ago) always having to have the last word. Recently, I realized that everyone thinks that I am argumentative and may be the reason that no one ever wants to discuss something with me-- because I am so bossy and controlling and have to have my own way. Well anyway, I realized how childish this makes me seem and so now I am trying to let up on being so controlling. I don't always interject into conversations and I let people figure out stuff for themselves. I am trying to have a more zen approach to life- don't carry the boat, let the boat carry you-- type of mindset. Sometimes it's really hard to let go when I have such a need for order and structure. Like I said, this is not pointed at anyone else-- just my history with this.