People pointing social rules out too you

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Any comments on dealing with the following situation and saving face without causing upset to your self or the other person would be appreciated. Even if you are nurotypical and may want to discuss the other side of this all comments are welcome.

You are busy focusing on something and miss judge a situation and as a result you make a social mistake and you are an adult over 25.
Somebody points the mistake out too you in public and you feel embarrassed and humiliated and patronized as you were focusing on something else and they are spelling out something obvious. I also feel that as adults we need to work things out for ourselves and not live off other peoples advice all the time.

I feel they could be doing this for one of some of the following reasons:

1. They are a family member and are trying to help you.

2. They are trying to increase there ego by taking the moral high ground.

3. They are in a bad mood and use this to take it out on you.

4. This particular thing happens to be a bug bear of theirs.

5. They are doing it to impress somebody (partner / Friend)

If you have any knowledge of psychology and would like to explain the scientific side of it that would also be much appreciated.

good read

I usually just say "oh, my poor social skills."

I never found any way to react, and this often happens when I think I am doing something right and helpful.

It makes me very sad.

I had a friend who did that alot to me, I found out that she only did that to make me feel bad about myself
she was jealous of my grades, she could never have them
anyway I learnd to say: this is NOT your business!
the way I act is none's business, If they realy care they wouldn't say it in front of people

I think that conventionally it is rude to correct someone publicly under almost every circumstance. The few exceptions would have to relate to safety of yourself or others.


The only way I can see to stop that behavior is to wait until later, when you are alone with that person and bring up the situation. Tell that person you appreciate that they are looking out for you but you would prefer if they would tell you in private if you've made an error.

My parents do that to me trying to help but it ticks me off because it comes off as treating me like a child & trying to turn me into something other than what I am & plain criticizing me. I got upset & caused lots of fights/arguments & they started doing it in public less as a result of causing scenes but they started giving me speeches before we'd go places that also upset me & caused problems.

I also believe it is often more of a case of us not reading the situation, body language ect than not knowing these rules. Nurotipicals don't appear to follow these to the letter as each situation is different anyway.

I agree with Robbie here. It is rarely a case of us not knowing the rules, it is that we are unable to gain context from sources such as facial expressions and body language in the same way NTs can.

When I have made "social hiccups" my friends have told me as soon as they can when no one who I wouldn't want to hear me being critizied is around (i.e. As soon as people I don't like are gone, they will tell me)

My parents assume I don't know social rules that I DO. They think I don't know when to say Please & Thank You when I do know when & that I'll belch loudly in social situations when I never do.

Same with my dad. He likes to tell me to say hi to people out loud in public. That's extremely humiliating for me. What he doesn't understand is that I already know that crappie. I just don't always have the energy to say hi to everyone all the time. I wish he could live at least one day with my limited energy. He would probably have to call in sick and he would probably be angry all the time.

I find that people usually accept you as you are or they don't. They will either take the initiation with you or they won't. I have not had people choose to stop inviting me out to events yet. I acknowledge the invites, say thank you and tell them whether I can go or not. I havent done this to every friend, but try with as many of them as possible.