Is telling an AS woman: "I think I have AS" weird?

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indy5
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08 Oct 2014, 6:09 pm

I made friends with a NT woman, in my psych. class, and we talk about how we both work(ed) with low functioning ASD kids. I can tell she enjoys talking about ASD with me, but I'm not sure if she suspects I have AS. I don't really know when I should bring it up, or if I ever should, because without an official diagnosis I might sound crazy. It's similar to how I don't want to just say, "I got diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last year, but now my doctors aren't sure if I have Asperger's or Bipolar or both."

Should it be any different with an AS woman?? .. a cute younger woman said she had AS, to the whole class, and I almost said something to her. But we talked about the baseball game instead. I think I avoided a very awkward situation, for both of us. Is it AS'ist to treat her differently than an NT woman? I had never talked to her before, so it was probably smart to not walk up and say, "I think I have AS."

I really like the NT woman, and I feel awkward trying to keep my Bipolar and AS a secret ... when is it too late to tell someone? and when is it too early? Does it matter if they are NT or AS?



sacrip
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08 Oct 2014, 11:34 pm

My policy is to tell if whoever I'm talking to needs to know or I want him/her to know. Don't feel like you're obligated to out yourself for the sake of honesty. In the case of the second girl, I can understand the desire to tell her out of a sense of comraderie, and maybe she'd appreciate it...but maybe she won't. No way to tell, honestly.


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Lukecash12
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09 Oct 2014, 1:33 am

indy5 wrote:
I made friends with a NT woman, in my psych. class, and we talk about how we both work(ed) with low functioning ASD kids. I can tell she enjoys talking about ASD with me, but I'm not sure if she suspects I have AS. I don't really know when I should bring it up, or if I ever should, because without an official diagnosis I might sound crazy. It's similar to how I don't want to just say, "I got diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last year, but now my doctors aren't sure if I have Asperger's or Bipolar or both."

Should it be any different with an AS woman?? .. a cute younger woman said she had AS, to the whole class, and I almost said something to her. But we talked about the baseball game instead. I think I avoided a very awkward situation, for both of us. Is it AS'ist to treat her differently than an NT woman? I had never talked to her before, so it was probably smart to not walk up and say, "I think I have AS."

I really like the NT woman, and I feel awkward trying to keep my Bipolar and AS a secret ... when is it too late to tell someone? and when is it too early? Does it matter if they are NT or AS?


You tell them when you tell them. Let them know you are comfortable with them and maybe after you say you've got AS just have a good laugh and say "oh well". Just enjoy yourself around them, especially the AS girl because you can focus on just having a good time with her she won't be prying at you with those social superpowers that regularly people have in their brains. What's more, when you over think everything you still don't learn much and in fact it can be detrimental. Of course there are certain things we have to think out and learn but semantics like this you just have to learn through life experiences.

So many guys, both NT and people with disorders, have asked me "what do I do", "why don't things seem to work", "why haven't I had a romantic relationship yet", the usual questions. And sure, I'll give some advice about dos and don'ts, but really the best think I can do for them is ask them how many girls they've asked out. "But...umm...how do I ask her out?" Well you ask her out to a location, you know, where people have fun and eat, or watch something, or do something, that's like... entertaining. Then they look at me like I'm not trying to help them at all and I tell them that they are ultimately the only ones who can help themselves. You've got to just do it. Do it a bunch of times. If you aren't so sure just do it. Oh, I'm so sorry, did she say no? There's billions of other people.

Like a lot of other things, this kind of stuff just comes with life experience and you just have to get out there and do it. If you're really bad at it oh well, there's only one way to go and that way is up. Next time it won't be as bad. As far as I can tell you have 365*60-80 days to live so a hundred rejections is just a drop in the pond and the reward for trying is more than worth it.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Oct 2014, 3:11 am

No,don't tell them.

Keep it as a secret to your grave.



aspiemike
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09 Oct 2014, 9:32 am

Coming out and saying it to anyone will sound weird. Knowing when to tell someone is a different story. If anyone needs to know, it will be your employer and and spouse. I would recommend telling them well after you were hired or started dating.


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elkclan
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09 Oct 2014, 2:05 pm

What I remember from psych class is that people were fessing up to all kinds of disorders. Sleep disorders to eating disorders. You talk about it and it seems natural to mention. In the context of psych class, it probably wouldn't be out of the ordinary.



Persevero
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09 Oct 2014, 3:14 pm

Taking personality quirks and attributing them to a disorder of any kind can be seen (and often is if done without confirmation bias) as a trivialization of the disorder.

Rather than admitting you have AS, try asking others if they see any symptoms. Or go to a professional to get a diagnosis.