Keeping making this mistake?

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Jamesy
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12 Oct 2014, 8:52 am

Why is it that I continuously make the mistake of rejecting a girl because I am not interested in them yet later on I change my mind and find them not unattractive. And by the time I change my mind its too late :(

I mean could this be due to me having Aspergers or a learning disability perhaps?



Cafeaulait
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12 Oct 2014, 9:05 am

Appearantly you don't like them enough.



Jamesy
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12 Oct 2014, 9:13 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Appearantly you don't like them enough.


Dont understand?



calstar2
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12 Oct 2014, 9:19 am

Has nothing to do with AS.



Jamesy
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12 Oct 2014, 9:24 am

I need to stop this mistake over wise I will be single forever



VegetableMan
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12 Oct 2014, 10:27 am

Could it be you're really afraid of getting close, so you convince yourself you're not interested?


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Jamesy
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12 Oct 2014, 11:24 am

VegetableMan wrote:
Could it be you're really afraid of getting close, so you convince yourself you're not interested?


Maybe?



Jjancee
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12 Oct 2014, 8:30 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why is it that I continuously make the mistake of rejecting a girl because I am not interested in them yet later on I change my mind and find them not unattractive. And by the time I change my mind its too late :(

I mean could this be due to me having Aspergers or a learning disability perhaps?


What's the time lag between deciding you're not interested & realizing you've made a mistake?



yellowtamarin
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12 Oct 2014, 10:48 pm

Jamesy wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
Could it be you're really afraid of getting close, so you convince yourself you're not interested?


Maybe?

I doubt it.



Jamesy
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13 Oct 2014, 12:23 pm

Jjancee wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Why is it that I continuously make the mistake of rejecting a girl because I am not interested in them yet later on I change my mind and find them not unattractive. And by the time I change my mind its too late :(

I mean could this be due to me having Aspergers or a learning disability perhaps?


What's the time lag between deciding you're not interested & realizing you've made a mistake?


A year or a few months



Annon
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13 Oct 2014, 1:44 pm

I've got the same problem.

I think it has something to do with getting used to the person (at least for me).



Jamesy
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13 Oct 2014, 3:54 pm

I guess I will never have a girlfriend :(



goldfish21
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13 Oct 2014, 5:03 pm

I wonder if it's because when you first meet them you're trying to decide whether they're THE ONE to be with/marry etc and since you're not sure, you err on the side of caution and say no.

If you were a little less all or nothing about it, your approach would change and your results would be different.

Instead of trying to decide if they're THE ONE, dial things back and try to decide if they are A one that you might like to get to know a little better, go on a date or two or ten with and see what happens. Then you might be a little more open to a bit of a casual dating relationship which will buy you plenty of time to figure out if in fact they are THE ONE or not vs. trying to decide it right from the get go and deciding you're not interested.


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RightGalaxy
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14 Oct 2014, 12:17 pm

Stop rejecting. Just tell them to slow down. You certainly wouldn't want to reject a potential friend right? People have to learn to be acquaintances first, friends next, and then maybe more (if there is more) with you. Maybe you feel rushed and attacked unexpectedly before you had a chance to process what these people want? How are you supposed to judge these books by their covers? I mean why is it that just because someone finds you attractive, they take a "now or never" view of the situation. Continuity and patience in ALL relationships make them work much better. What do these people want? INSTANT gratification? That's very immature of them. These people remind me of a little kid who pesters you for candy and you tell them to wait. Then when you finally go and get the candy, they say, "Well, I don't want it now!!" They don't want it now because they were riding on a high from something or other - the body chemical associated with a strong impulse. Stop judging yourself and just be yourself. Just because you didn't fall all over them within 2 seconds, they got insulted and now they are acting uninterested because they feel as though you rejected them. Just like the little kid with the candy. You didn't give in to their impulse.
When people are truly interested in you, they are patient. When they aren't patient, they are more interested in themselves where you take on more of an "ornamental" role for them. It all boils down to "emotional maturity". If they're smart and truly interested (yet have at least a degree of emotional maturity), they should approach you carefully and gently. When people rush at you, it's because they're seeing who THEY think you are - not who YOU really are. Nobody likes it when they're own fantasy rejects them. They crave that high. Relationships are brain based not hormonally based. ALSO, never underestimate the fact that people really do get high and drunk. Many times when I was young, I had young men tell me many desires, etc... but when morning came and the drugs and booze wore off, they couldn't get rid of me fast enough. There are SO many different explanations for the things that people do. They are as individual as the people themselves. You'll have to take into consideration what I told you and look at each case carefully. Jamesy, you can't allow an impulsive shopper to wildly grab you off the shelf. They can be very careless. You're a person not an object. There are no short-cuts to a good relationship. If they really want you, they'll have to go the distance. What's the hurry? It will all be here tomorrow.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 14 Oct 2014, 12:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AlexanderDantes
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14 Oct 2014, 12:24 pm

Women come and go.