Chosen abstinence, can't stop thinking about women.

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I had my first real girlfriend in 1995. She was wonderfully beautiful and artistically talented and we even recorded music together. I was IN LOVE. She told me she was too. Things were fine for a couple of years. We traveled and did all sorts of fun stuff. Then she started treating me like s**t in front of everyone. I tried to stick it out. Then I caught her cheating. I gave her a chance and she did it again. That's when I met a girl who was only 18 at work and we started dating. She was also beauitful, very beautiful and treated me great so I left the first for her. We had an arrangement to be monogamous and in a year she was leaving. That was 15 years ago and no one has ever even come close. It's been REALLY bad. I should but cannot get these girls out of my mind. I realize it's mostly because they both totally spoiled me during private time and that that's what I am missing a lot of the time.
I cannot make relationships work. As soon as I catch a girl in a lie I am GONE!! That or I get bored. I know how shallow that is. So I have chosen to be abstinent for a while so that I can work on improving myself, my health and my situation before trying again. I have promised myself that it would have to be one of those "swept away and just can't deny it, special feeling type thing" if I were to see someone before I feel ready.
So part of the problem is that I have people tell me that I can be shallow because I have too high of standards. I've dated a lot and a lot of different types of women so I just think I know what I like and don't like. So after so many bad relationships I feel that when I enter a romantic situation in the future that I should settle for no less than someone I find irresistable.
I am not talking at all about your stereotypical model your probably thinking of. I have a thing for quirks but I also like the on very cute or beautiful women. It's maybe a flaw but I admit it.
The worst of it. Now that I have made this decision and have stuck to it, everywhere I go I see these women that just blow me away and I get flirted with. Especially the more I try to ignore them. Most of them that have boyfriends have these fake urban liberal frat guys that couldn't care less about a woman's beliefs. I'm not at all comfortable with dating in any way right now but this happens every single day and I can't stop thinking about women.
I don't want to end up in another nightmare relationship again. I want to find some fun and adventure again and I don't know what the f*** to do at all.

I still think about previous girlfriends and sometimes just female friends, one going back all the way to 1989 when I was twenty-six! And I replay things wondering how I might have done different. One just didn't seem to fully understand that I need a lot of alone. Now, I can just be much more confident and matter-of-fact about that, knowing that I'm almost certainly on the Spectrum.

The fact that you are not overly eager socially, that you confidently dance slightly behind the beat so to speak, at times that can be very appealing.

If you hit it off with someone, maybe a low-key date and only two or three dates a week? And maybe almost like the movie The 40-year-old Virgin, playing twenty dates before you have sex. And just tell her you've been burned and want to take it slowly. And besides that, it can be sexier this way. An approach like this?

Thanks. I can get that. The only problem is that I'm not so confidently dancing behind the beat. I'm an actual musician with actual stage fright and who's so sick of the bar/music scene I just can't do that. I'm really actually socially anxious. It can be decisively paralyzing.
That's one thing. I want to meet a girl who likes me before she finds out that I play guitar because that's usually been the attractant.
The 18 year old I dated didn't get into music at all. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to do it. Maybe that's why we got along. All she ever thought about was getting rich, money money money. I didn't get that you know.
Man, there's a girl who owns the chocolate stand at the farmer's market. She is so unbelievably cute and so physically fit but I can just feel the "we are NOT meant for each other", but I can't stop thinking about her when I see her. She has a serious boyfriend and she's into different ideals. I shouldn't be thinking about her at all. I can't go back to that stand. I have to find a new chocolate maker.

My advice: If you're capable of getting dates and relationships, you should do it. Now, it's great to focus on your health, and I'm not saying you should make dating your first priority. But if you miss opportunities now, you're going to regret it later, either metaphorically or literally. I don't mean to play down what you've gone through. Sometimes you get really hurt. But nothing is gonna change about that. You can't change anything about yourself that'll do much to change the chances of your getting hurt again. Whether the girl you're dating is a keeper or ends up hurting you is not going to change much through anything you can do on your own. It's not always your fault, or her fault, if people get hurt. A long-term relationship is ultimately about being persistent and lucky enough to eventually find someone who's long-term compatible with you. This is largely a question of fate, and the only thing you accomplish by intentionally avoiding relationships is that you'll have fewer chances to hit the jackpot.