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strillingeee
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Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Age: 25
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07 Dec 2014, 4:11 pm

thats probably not out of the ordinary for someone with aspergers i know.
but its not the real problem, the real problem is i have no opportunity's to make friends. im not in education, no schools will accept me, (something about my age and its apparently 'too far into the year' for me to start), no colleges will take me, the town i live in so small there is literally nothing to do, i've tried the 1 youth club they have and it was awful, they all stared at me and looked like they wanted to stab me/each other the music was so loud and it was scary screamo music which was just horrific. im supposed to be going into independent living next year and im not equipped with any social skills whatsoever, i just have this mental image of me on a sofa for weeks on end with no one around and then just being found dead like years later because i was so lonely.
yeah.
suggestions ?:(



BrutalMetalDood
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07 Dec 2014, 4:29 pm

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, bro?


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 140 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 91 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." ~ Terry Pratchett


strillingeee
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07 Dec 2014, 4:36 pm

BrutalMetalDood wrote:
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, bro?

15 :)



Persimmonpudding
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07 Dec 2014, 5:11 pm

Okay, you are 15 years old, and you're not in your social flower. Boys, particularly ones of the more "Aspie" persuasion, often don't come into their social flower until their college years. I was probably more lonely than you were during my teens...believe me, I didn't have a single friend at all. I was barely even human.

The most important thing to get into your head about socializing is that having intelligence is actually an impediment. Seriously, you are more likely to screw it up by over-analyzing and making it more complicated than it actually is.

The trick is to get other people to talk. It's sort of the main thing that you have to focus on. Set, as a goal, to figure out the things you can say that do the most to set another person to talking. That is a large part of what you need to know in order to succeed at socializing. Start there, and you can figure the rest of it out easily.

Basically, have in your head a set of Pokemon, and for each of them, have a set of about four different types of things you can say in a given situation. When you feel the mood of the conversation change, that means that your partner has changed, and that means you ought to consider whether or not you ought to do so as well. But basically, you just sort of learn from experience the different kinds of moods that people might be in, and just have a very short list of "opening attacks" you might want to try for each. Learn to recognize when to say what, and be able to pull it off quickly and without actually having to think about it.

Seriously, the more you are thinking about what you say, the less likely it is you are doing well. Really, the only thing you should think about is throwing the right monster into the ring, and let it do its thing. The important thing for you to pay attention to is the ratio of the other person's speech to yours and keeping the other person's speech coming out at a higher rate than yours. Basically, you're winning any given match if the person you talking to is talking excitably and apparently not really thinking about what he/she is saying. That means you have earned a level of trust with that person, which usually means that that person likes you.



Zajie
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07 Dec 2014, 5:45 pm

I don't know if this would be helpful but if you have neighbours who have kids your age try to befriend them like going to a nearby park or walking place near your living place where they would probably go and then try to form conversations with them or something, I'm not good at socializing myself so I don't know if this is a good advice. Or also try to befriend people your age who live nearby using the Internet.



BrutalMetalDood
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Joined: 6 Dec 2014
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07 Dec 2014, 6:05 pm

I'm not sure about you, but usually the most difficult part of socializing for me, is that initial breaking the ice. Once I get past that road block, I'm fine. Do you have a hobby? If so, perhaps you can try connecting with people through the shared interest of said hobby. I've made most of my friends through involvement with the "scary screamo music" scene.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 140 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 91 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." ~ Terry Pratchett