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LonelyJar
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09 Dec 2014, 5:15 am

When I go for a walk, I sometimes notice little kids playing outside. Am I allowed to say hello to them or anything like that?



AlexPhillips
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09 Dec 2014, 5:50 pm

These are all just my thoughts on the matter, but it really depends on a lot of factors. Women can more freely interact with children, it seems, but people are so anxious these days about child molestation that there's a general stigma against men talking to kids. I obviously wouldn't go out of my way to talk to kids, but if you happen to cross paths with a kid, I don't think anyone could fault you for just saying "hi" or innocently commenting on something they're doing (asking what game they're playing, for example, or mentioning you also like the character on their shirt).

If you try to hang around too long, though, you might look suspicious, but there's nothing wrong with a friendly greeting, as far as I'm concerned.



I-am-an-Aspie
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09 Dec 2014, 8:23 pm

Especially if you're the sort of guy whom kids are drawn towards, whose mothers allow kids to be next to you and to interact with you, there shouldn't be any problem.

If not, what the heck anyway. Basic answer is, you are allowed to talk to kids - whatever's in the law concerning interaction with kids, simply talking to them isn't one of those things.



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09 Dec 2014, 8:40 pm

Talk to them. Just don't ever touch them!


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10 Dec 2014, 3:31 am

LonelyJar wrote:
When I go for a walk, I sometimes notice little kids playing outside. Am I allowed to say hello to them or anything like that?



I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I have seen some adults do it but I am not the one to assume the man is a creep or a predator so it doesn't bother me if someone talks to my kid but you never know how other parents may feel. It's hard for me to say if it's okay or not, I would say do it with caution. I don't know when it's appropriate or when it's not.


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Kiprobalhato
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10 Dec 2014, 11:52 pm

like others have said, i would give them a greeting or perhaps even asking them what they're doing, only if they approached me. and perhaps more if their parents were with them, and they were allowed to talk to me. i would not go out of my way to converse with them. (and i don't find it exactly that easy to do so, especially if they're really young, i never mastered child talk.)
sure, i've got some stubble and i wear a black beanie everywhere, but i don't think i look too creepy?

i once was harassed by some older (8-10 Y.O) kids when i was in a park for some party some years back, with hair pulling and name calling and i just brushed them off when they came up to me and did my best to ignore them. i did not know who the parents were.


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12 Dec 2014, 7:11 pm

It really depends on what their parents say. Some are more paranoid about who their kids talk to. For instance I was on a flight from one end of the country to another and two little kids sat next to me. Their mother sat across from them as well. Yet they were not allowed to "Talk to strangers" The only people they could talk to were the flight crew and their mother.

It is better to ask a parent if it is okay but also do it on an appropriate basis. Such as you having a younger sibling, or a niece or nephew and take them to the park. If it is on the street or near a playground other people get suspicious.



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12 Dec 2014, 11:04 pm

No. Never talk to them. Your intentions are entirely innocent. But other people will not see it that way. If you linger near small children for more than 10 seconds, there will usually be someone who will accuse you of paedophilia. Sad but true. This is how life works nowadays.

Always remember the AS Mantra : You have to protect yourself, because nobody else will do it for you.



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14 Dec 2014, 11:14 am

I agree with everyone in this thread about the concerns regarding child molesters or 'pedophiles'. If you know the kids (i.e. they live on your street or they live next door) and the parents knew you then it wouldn't be a bad thing to converse with them. But if you don't know the kids, then it may look a little suspicious....


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chris4autismrights
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23 Dec 2014, 6:43 pm

I used to go to a church when I was 18 & 19 and the youth group consisted of 12-14 year olds and there was no one my age. Unfortunately a lot of the parents thought I was a creep when i twas casual interaction. It's sad



feralhominoid
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27 Dec 2014, 3:35 pm

The answer has been given already: Yes, talk to them. No, don't talk to them....

I have always thought about this subject as I worked in outdoor education for years and am a master of rallying a group of kids for a bug hunt or any other group activity... In the camp context, parents know I'm a safe, responsible, compassionate adult...but it really depends on your social skills and the context....

FIRST AND FOREMOST: Make eye contact with the parents, find them, don't ever just go talk to the kids first... its been said but the whole fear of molesters thing is quite out of control you can see it in parents wide-eyes and dilated pupils as they try and shuffle their kids like helicopter parents everywhere. See there emotional state in the tension in their neck and shoulders... are their lips pursed? Body language is hard for some but you should be able to get a sense if they are generally on the relaxed end of the spectrum (maybe kicking back at the park while there kids run around free) or the tight-guarded end (a busy, bustling city environment)... don't bother if they are on guard. Include them a bit. The conversation with the kid or the adult doesn't have to be long... I prefer the non-verbal approach of a smile and nod and see if the parent reciprocates...

What I tend to do is resist any conversation and just give a brief smile (my toothless smirk/grin...not some big stupid toothy thing that might make people think your going to eat them) at the kids because they make me feel happy in their child exuberance, which flows seemlessly into a smile at the parents and a nod... This gives you a sense of what's up. It lets them know non-verbally (in the right context), "you have cool kids, you're cool, I'm cool...let's all stay cool and love life"...

Don't lazer focus on the kids either... make it clear the parents are part of your little interaction... I think mixing up life for everyone is important and aspie-folk almost have an ethical duty to do this, IMHO.

Here's two examples where I had great kid interactions within the last month:

1) I was walking to the market (a place that's a little more upscale and caters to selling local produce and artisan foods) and a mother was helping her young son out of the car. He had super-cool purple prescription glasses on... I had already given my innocent smirk to the mother and she had reciprocated so I knew she wasn't in some stressed state of mind (green light)... So as I was walking by, never stopping and focusing I just looked at him and said with enthusiasm "Those are some super cool glasses!" and kept going on my way into the market.... The mom laughed and the son didn't totally seem to be aware of what was going on (he was probably only 5 or 6) so she repeated to him in her motherly voice, "Did you hear that? He thinks your glasses are cool - he likes them"... Everyone felt good. Everyone wins.

2) Another time was outside the YMCA as I was walking down the sidewalk with friends. A mom was helping her children get in the car. One was just standing there looking about and sobbing... It was night time. The Y often has sketchy people outside of it. I felt the impulse to say something to the kid but all the indicators were there that I shouldn't as it might add to the stress of the mother given the context (see this as my recurring point?)... but I'm crazy and its my mission to stir the pot, so without stopping (again, no chance to put weird focus on people and make them question what the hell you want) the kid was looking up at us so I just said in a lighthearted voice, "don't be sad" and kept going... He just quieted up and watched me walk away in wonder and his mother laughed (a bit uncertain but she could tell my intention). I do this in grocery stores sometimes too. Sometimes just a stranger paying attention brings them out of their world and the emotions change, the parents can sometimes be appreciative but other times they stressed and your just an interruption.

tl;dr : find the parents, evaluate their emotional state and take the environment into consideration first (always! context is everything!)... Consider your own verbal skills and think... if you can't control vocal pitch and tone and body language and all that, you'll probably just trigger primitive, lizard-brain fight or flight instincts in the parents or the kids... and that doesn't accomplish what your (probably pure) intentions are.

Anyways, push the box! Good luck :) I believe in breaking down barriers between ages (tribal-egalitarian society!) which means young children all the way up to the elderly should be able to interact freely and with compassion. If you have a strong instinct that says you should work with kids... try volunteering somewhere first. Or get a part time job somewhere where it's accepted and acknowledged that you should be talking to kids... I totally understand this desire and know it has nothing to do with "perversion" humans want to connect to each other. Kids rejuvenate us (literally: re- juvenile)!



Evil_Chuck
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29 Dec 2014, 12:52 am

Legally of course you are, but in practical terms, it's a risk. Society is so divided now. Parents are always on edge and very protective of their children.

Kids can be fun to talk to, but I stick to the ones in my family--cousins and such, because they already know me and they know I can be trusted.


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