A bit or random, and wondering.

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So I am transgender. Ftm. Female to Male. I spent 18 years of my life raised as a female. So honestly, I have more relation to women with AS, than men. Because of how I was raised, I had to learn to act. To act normal, and to act female. Which is why a lot of people don't see most of my traits. Sometimes that is even worse. My family just ignores it. Then says I am weird for texture aversion, or pokes fun that I do not get jokes. Which makes me feel bad, and dumb. I don't know what I am getting at exactly. But lately I have just gotten fed up. I don't want to act, or wear these masks. I just want to be me. And yeah. Even if I walk funny, or stim more often. It helps when my anxiety is bad at work, or in loud places. I stim so I don't shut down. I used to shut down all the time, since I couldn't let myself stim. I have always paced, that's my main thing, since I could get away with it. This is a random word mess. I guess I am just wondering, if it makes sense I was able to fake it? Kind of. I was still always made fun of and used, and called weird. But I stopped caring after awhile. Feel free o offer anything, even just a hello.

"All the world's a stage" But nobody has a script so all the lines are improvised.
I started theater back in high school and acting came very naturally to me. I realized that I practiced and continue to practice daily. It feels like I have a collection of masks that I put on for different situations. It's gotten to the point where I have names for the different sub-personalities.
Only a handful of people have ever seen me when I wasn't wearing a mask. None of them are related to me.
I wasn't diagnosed until after I started college. You're not alone.

Wearing a "mask" and acting one's way through social situations is an AS trait, so of course it makes sense that you've been able to utilize that trait to fake it through life so far.

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